I'm not one to have many friends, associates, yes. Friends no. I'm very private about my life and only a select few I allow in. And once you're in. You're in. If you out. There's no coming back.
In 5th grade I met a girl who would become my best friend .. Sister even. Laverne to my Shirley. We would go to each others house, pick each other up to go to school we were in the same classes in middle school.. Even in high school when we went to different schools, we still were close, closer even .. Everywhere I was, she was and vice versa. It was very rare you would see one without the other. We would rarely argue, our most heated disputes would be a difference in opinion on some topic, but nothing crazy.
Then I went to college. I was excited, she seemed excited for me. She stood in the city while I embarked on a new journey. Now for those of you who never been away at college, time is different. College time seems like a lifetime. In my first two weeks alone I felt like I was there for two months. So in my two years away I've learned so much about myself and others .. My friends back home didn't visit me often while I was at school. Once or twice. But I understood, they had their own lives and jobs to tend to. We still kept in contact thanks to technology. Fast forward to when I came home.
My roommates earned a special place in my heart, I love those girls. We went through alot good and bad in our time at school, we lived together.. We grew extremely close. As a matter of fact, we're still very close. Anyway, I'm back home catching up getting readjusted to the city life, me and my bestfriend were still at it. I would include her in any activities with my "school friends" (as she would call them later on, which would annoy me) most times she would be down for the fun or not. I started noticing that the more I would try to include her she would exclude herself. She started finding reasons not to like them.. Okay cool. Here's where shit got real.
We were at a friends house, and we were having a conversation.. And her comment on the topic threw me off. I looked at her like, what? It was what she said and how she said it, I knew I was in denial about this friendship. I knew we wouldn't be friends for long after that comment. It was just so negative and ignorant. And I looked at her wondering if she was always this negative. And she was. I never noticed because I swore I was positive enough for the both of us, she was more half empty, I was more half full. I thought as we got older she would become more positive. But she didn't. She actually got worse. Her attitude was disgusting. Everything was wrong, everyone always doing funny shit in her eyes.. Every fucking thing was a problem. And it became annoying. She had a temper as well. And soon she started lashing out at me, we began getting into more arguments about petty shit. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't that I was changing, we were getting older and there's so much more to see than just the hood. But she was so closed minded she couldn't grasp that. She started blaming my "school friends" for my behavior and the reason our friendship was on the rocks. When in reality, they had nothing to do with it. Everything I wanted to do, she was more than welcomed.. But her insecurities never allowed her to just come.. Her insecurities within herself made her delusional to the fact that I wanted to expand my horizons and have her there with me. But I was doing funny shit in her eyes. And I realized how selfish she was, everything was about her. I realized how jealous she was, jealous of me having other friends besides her. (In 9th grade we had a similar scenario when I befriended another best friend, who is still very much my friend today) her selfishness was the ultimate decision as to why I decided to end the friendship.
For her birthday, I contacted an associate of mine who promotes at clubs.. He got me, her and our friend in at a strip club, VIP the works. This was her first time at the strip club she been wanting to go, she was my best friend.. Lets make it happen. We were having fun for the most part but at the end, shit got real. And all her concern was to make it home to her boyfriend. Disregard the fact I was extremely upset and she knew why, but did that phase her? Nope. Okay cool. I was pretty down and stressed that week. All her concern was, her. She didn't care about me or my problems. And it baffled me because I was always the first one to help her solve hers, I was the one she would come to when she needed to vent or advice. We got into our final argument (where I expressed how I didn't want parts of this friendship anymore) and she was furious, her true colors showed. She was cursing, threatening me talking all kinds of shit. Now this didn't phase me because I knew her better than she knew me. I knew she was hurt and this was her outlet. I knew she didn't know me as well as she thought, the moment she thought I was doing funny shit. I NEVER do funny shit to those I call my friends. Never did, never will. Here's my thing, she never wanted to talk about what was bothering her, she would avoid it. Act like its nothing but the minute I decided to end this friendship, half the truth came out. And only because she was angry. Clearly I made the right decision. I'm one to vocalize my concerns or troubles especially with friends, I expect the same from them. None of us are mind readers.
Thanks to social networks, I was proven that I was indeed right about ending our friendship. See, we probably could've overcame our differences and maybe have been friends again .. But now, nope. She was pregnant, she took it upon herself to take it to Instagram (she blocked me but we have mutual friends) to bash me. She painted this picture to people that we weren't friends because she was pregnant. -_- yeah, because your pregnancy is such a burden in my life I can't be bothe(red) with you. Lmaooo mad fucking petty. It didn't stop there, she would throw shots and subs about me, and when people asked her why we wasn't friends anymore or what happened, she made me out to be a bitch. And that's not a friend. Til this day I never speak ill of her, when I'm asked why we aren't friends I say, people grow apart or some stupid generic line about people growing apart so they can leave me alone. But for her to portray me in such a way that would have people looking at me funny was wrong. You don't do that to someone who you called a best friend, a sister.. And she wasn't worthy of a friend like me, I never throw anything I do for my friends back in their face. Shit I don't even bring it up. So for her to disregard every thing I've done every time I've been there when she needed me irritated the shit out of me, it shows she took me for granted. Wasn't appreciative of the friend she had in me. And If I'm such a bitch, if I'm so fucking selfish we don't need to be friends right? Right.
Recently, I've been contacted through several friends on how they see her posting things about me and how she miss our friendship and she wish she could go back to the old days blah blah blah. Oooooh! I'm no longer a selfish bitch? I thought I wasn't shit? Lmao what happened? I called it though. I knew she would want to be friends again but her actions after we had our falling out is the reason I won't let her back in. A mutual friend to both of us hit me a few months ago asking if she could give her my number, just to clear the air because her delusion and my reality of the situation between us needed clarity, I chose to be the bigger person, despite me being fine with the circumstances, I definitely didn't need closure. But I told her it was fine.. She could give her my number. She has yet to call. And I know why, because in contacting me she would have to admit alot of things about herself that she may not be ready to admit. And that's fine. Whatever. I just know, I don't miss the friendship. The memories are fond and still close to my heart, I will always wish her well in all aspects and I pray she becomes a better person. But as far as us being friends? I just don't see it.
It sucks because we were really good friends but sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles.
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