I have a post about boys. But for some time now, I've stopped dealing with boys and ente(red) the world of men.
Being a man is not something that comes with age, but with responsibility. A man takes care of his business, a boy finds excuses not to take care of his business. The same goes to differentiate the girls from the women..
Let me back track, to the first man in my life.. Would be my step father (my sperm donor wasn't around.. And when we met I didn't like him) in his eyes, I'm his daughter and can't no one tell him different. I love him, he's a real man. I may not be his daughter but he played the father role down to the tee. But I always acknowledge the fact that's he's my siblings father and not technically mine but I'm forever grateful that he views me as one of his own.
Second.. My uncle Ralph. The greatest man ever. May his soul rest in peace. He taught me left from right.. How to be slick and a few tricks, here and there. From his influence on television, sports and music, to real life talks.. He was the best uncle ever. He never made any of my siblings and I feel stupid, he helped us grow a tough skin with his slick jokes, testing us to stand up to him as we would anyone else. You know how they say females want guys who are like their dad? Well I want a guy like my uncle.
He's the first man who I learned so much from, and he would tell me never to be with a man I can't learn from. And I have yet to do so.
I love men.
I love everything about them. How they speak, how they eat, the facial expressions they make when something aint right, the way they dress.. The passion in their eyes when they're talking that real shit. How they touch me, greet me .. Watching them handle their business in and out the sheets? Lorddddd *fake faints*
I love men so much, I waited until I was mentally old enough to begin dealing with them in a more personal level. I lost my virginity when I was 17(premeditated I wanted to be at least slightly experienced before I moved on to men), before that I just studied boys.. Admi(red) the men from afar and studied them as well. Study their ticks and tocks and what makes their clocks go 'round.
All men are truly different. My theory; Men are dogs. Different breeds of dogs. Good dogs, bad dogs .. But dogs nonetheless. They're loyal, will protect you and love you unconditionally.. but they can't resist their animalistic urge to pounce on who ever they find appealing. Some of the advanced dogs got their urges under strict lock down. But trust, the fact that he can control it now..is because at one point he couldn't. Applaud those men. Resisting temptation isn't easy for everyone.
It's all a mind thing.
Speaking of mind. I like my men with alot of it. Nothing compares to a man with a mind, a great mind. That's usually how they get me.. Smooth talkers are a little sweet spot for me. I have a very slick mouth and nothing turns me on more than a man who can keep up. Witty banter makes my knees weak. Only men can do that.
Men like to control situations so being on his A game is natural .. A boy, is still learning how to control situations. I like people on their A game. The mental games played between two adults, is ironically not even a game but more like a decoding process.. And once you crack the code, you get low. Not everybody can crack codes in conversations... Some get lost in translation. Not being as clever and upfront all while being charming is only a challenge to a child.. And I'm quite grown. Men have this maste(red) this beautifully.
I look at my choices in men and the few boys who slightly paved the way for the men I chose after them. I have no regrets. I really have this choosing thing pretty down pact. Even if it doesn't end well. They were men. And I learned something. And thankfully I seem to be gifted in the sexual selection process as well. (I really am grateful for that. I hear all these horror stories about these wack ass experiences and It's crazy). Crazy thing is I haven't been with many men, but I make my men count. (I think that's a Mae West quote, remixed a little bit if I'm not mistaken)
I feel like choosing men is more about what YOU want (knowing what you want is key in life not only in men) from a man and seeing if WHO you want fits WHAT you want from men in general. They don't always go hand in hand. Even if you want someone, if you know they're not willing or capable of giving you what you need from them.. Don't dive in it. It's literally a waste of time. Time spent trying to change a person? Time wasted. Save yourself some time and heartache and be honest. With yourself and them.
I feel as females we have this thing where (even if its not intentional) we plan everything including other people's roles in our lives based on what we feel we need from them. Now the problem with this lies that often, this person isn't aware of this role they've been given .. Shit, you never even conside(red) that maybe they're not ready for that role or maybe they just don't want it with you.
It's reality. Face it. Embrace it.
Now you put all your eggs in this basket along with your him and you turn the pressure up .. Pressure that isn't even acknowledged by him until it's made known that's it's there (usually after we're fed up with his "bullshit", the same bullshit we tolerate but hope he change it .. Which is kinda like enabling.) By then men are so comfortable (dogs get comfortable easily with women) and so set in their ways (can't teach an old dog new tricks) that to even request this type of change is absurd. They'll say something like .. I was this way when you met me. And it's true.
You were so caught up in his potential and what you could see you two being that you overlooked what was right in front of you .. Kinda like reading a contract and not reading the fine print. You always know what you sign up for.. If you don't. You didn't do enough research. And by the time you realized you igno(red) all the signs that warned you, you'll be in too deep.
You'll already invested time, emotions, thoughts, and lord knows you don't wanna be wrong about this one again.. So nope you gonna troop it out, you gonna make this work. Sad... Just breaks my heart. All this does is waste more time. Time you could be spending enjoying life and meeting men who already have their shit together; one that you'll love who he is at the moment, not what he could be in the future.
Because forever truly doesn't exist. We only have now. All I care about is now. And if you're not what I need NOW, I won't force you to become that for me.. That's selfish. I just won't deal with you. I know plenty of men who have the potential to be a great man to a lucky lady.. When they're ready. When they're willing. You can never force that. And if you're foolish enough to try ('sometimes men need a push'... Nope. Only boys need a push, Men take initiative.) I don't feel empathy.. We set ourselves up for the kill. Our force only excites the trigger finger and boom. Murder she wrote. We know when shit is gonna go sour or when someone isn't worth it. Our intuition is always proven to be accurate.. But yet, we ignore it and try anyway .. Our eyes playing tricks on us and our hearts just buys it while telling the mind to hush up.
As a woman you have to accept responsibility when dealing with men. It takes two to tango. Don't act like you ain't wanna dance cause you realized the song on repeat now. Who told you it wasn't? Oh. In the end you can either step up or step off. It's simple. Don't let your ego and emotions cloud up the crystal clear truth. Especially with all these beautiful men out here. Don't nobody got time to be wasting on some no good men when there's another out there who's everything you need and more. Don't feel the need to settle for what's in front of you, just because you sca(red) to look.
With men, the more specific you are about what you want and need from them, the easier it is to filter all the men who aren't that.
To be with a man, you have to be a woman. A man with a girl is a father. He takes care of you. Without him you can't really survive (little girl lost). A woman can hold her own with or without a man. A man recognizes this and eases her load.. A boy would feed off that.. A man feeds that. He wants you to grow just as much as you enable him to grow. A man is provider, protector and a woman is the nurturer. We're very good at nurturing, but nurturing weeds won't get you flowers. Keep that in mind.
A beautiful equation when a man and a woman come together and just multiply everything they've brought to the table. The more you want from a man/woman should equally match what you're willing to give. Nothing more, nothing less.
A man taught me that.
