Car.

I had a dream a while back, I was driving a car, I was moving fast but my steering wheel was kinda jammed, I really had to use force to turn it and my seat was so uncomfortable, I was going straight ahead so I kept trying to adjust my seat but still not lose grip on the steering wheel itself, because as soon as i would let go of it, it became looser than octomom post labor. And I think the road was rocky... Needless to say it was very uncomfortable.

So when I awoke, I laid there recapping the dream and started my analysis.. I need about an hour of silence in the morning. I don't care who's around. I don't want to talk. I just woke up, I need to think, remember and analyze. Dreams life. Everything. Anyway.. I thought of what the dream was trying to tell me. This is what I got. 

My life is my car, I'm not comfortable in my seat; I'm not comfortable with my position in life. The steering wheel is tight and hard to turn when I hold on, but as soon as I let go its loose; I'm afraid if I let go of the wheel (control of my life) I'll lose complete control. But I was holding on too tight.. Cause the road was rocky; the path I'm on isn't smooth and I fear I may lose control if I don't keep a tight grip. Okay cool. I thought about my life more in depth that morning, that dream provided clarity in a weird way.. 

The car analogy was genius.

I love cars. I want to own 7. One for everyday of the week. Idc if that's unpractical to anyone.. It's not your money I'll be spending. Cars are beautiful  I love the exterior as much as the interior. I'm the friend that has to explain to my friends how to spot cars.. They just think they're pretty.. I know how to spot em. I observe and feel out the interior of any car I sit in, I adjust the seat every time. 

The feeling of watching how smooth a car rides is a different feeling from being in the car.. Your admiration is caused by the fact you're watching it move from close to far or from afar coming towards you.. Your enjoyment of the moment as you're speeding past time when you're in that driver, passenger seat, shit even from the back seat depending on the passengers with you. That's life. But you will never get to see yourself ride .. You will always see yourself driving, or enjoying your ride if you choose to allow someone else to drive your life car. So whenever people tell you about yourself, they're telling you the ride.. How smooth or unstable your driving is, how you glide, or speed past life is seen by those who aren't in the car with you. Even if you're not driving, it's your car. From afar you can't identity the driver nor the passengers. 

Be careful you let in your car, and be extra careful with who you let drive if you choose not to drive for yourself, sometimes we need a break.. We can either pull over and rest or let someone take the wheel for a bit.. You should be able to actually rest if you're not at the wheel.. if you can't rest, you have the wrong driver. If you can't trust that who you chose to drive your car while you rest on your trip won't crash your car.. pull over. Kick them out. Or put them in the back seat. 

That's what the backseat is for .. pure enjoyment of the drive. The driver is in control and the passenger is there assisting by staying alert, playing with the radio and just keeping the driver company.. until you switch to allow the driver to rest. after all you're in their car. You can't let someone drive your car for too long though, they'll begin to think its theirs. Who you allow in your car is very crucial. As I stated above, the people outside the car no matter what you think of your drive.. Will never know your drive from the inside. Only how smooth you ride down this road of life. So who you're riding with at some point will have to ride for you. Can they do it? Can you trust any of the passengers (no kids included in this analysis) to drive your car if you become ti(red) or sick or unstable that you can't drive, because you can't stop. Someone has to take over. And depending on where on the road of life you're on.. You'll have nobody but your passengers. Can you trust them? If not. Drop them where they need to be and keep it moving. There's no free rides and you can't allow anyone to drive your life into a brick wall. 

You also can't allow people to tell you how to drive. You know where you're going, you know the speed you need to be steady at so you can make it to your destination in one piece. Everyone has their own car, different body, motors, interior, exterior, etc. You have to drive your car accordingly. You can't expect a Volvo to hit Bugatti speed. You gotta get a good grip of your car, once you build it. You can always obtain a new car when you're ready, either way you have to drive it accordingly. I can't stress that enough. The reason we have a car is because we're going somewhere and we have to get there, by any means.. We have to reach our destination.. If you crash your car or allow someone to crash it for you, you either die in the crash or spend a tremendous amount of time trying to get back on the road .. You must avoid crashes at all cost. If the crash doesn't kill you, it delays you. Either way you're fucked. You don't want to be fucked that way, I'm sure of it. 

Avoiding crashes is very easy if you know how to drive and know where you're going, people think they know how to drive, but they learned how to drive by watching other people drive, never really driving themselves until its time to go; so they keep looking over at other cars and how they move and when they can get a glimpse of how the driver on their left side drives they imitate it. Often end up crashing because instead of the road, their eyes were focused on the next car. 

* Granted, sometimes you get hit by other drivers, but the impact of the other car is determined by how you were moving. You might get into a few accidents on the road of life, but how you bounce back from that will be ultimately on you, even if the accident wasn't your fault.

Keep your eyes on the road, aware of the signs ahead and ensure that your trust is well rested on the passengers with you. Never let anyone borrow your car. You should be in your car at all times. Always aware of where you're at and where you're going even if you doze off for a few. You're still on that ride. After all it's your ride. Your life.

I don't mind being in the back seat, of others cars.. Unless I feel I'm better in the passenger seat, I'd never steer you wrong, I'll be alert and aware of signs you may miss and my music taste is amazing of course. Lol I don't always feel the need to sit up front but where I see fit, I'll sit up front. Especially if its empty or your passenger isn't as valuable so you move me up front. I'll never ask to sit up front if you don't want me there and the seat is filled. I don't tell people how to arrange seats in their car. You know your role in one's life by how they seat you in their car, the passenger seat the best seat besides the driver. You share the same view, you're both of help to get to the destination. The back seat isn't bad because you're still in the car, but your view a little different. Your role is good company and if needed, assistance to drive. If the driver of a car I'm in or any of the passengers rub me the wrong way at anytime I'll get out. I don't have to be here, I'm here for the ride.. A ride I'm asked to be apart of or we just happened to be heading to the same place, down the same road. But at any moment it can change, I have my own car.. My own passengers to attend to as well. I won't take the ride if I know I'm not wanted, if I know I'm not trusted to take the wheel, if I know I don't want to take the wheel. I won't be uncomfortable on any ride, in any seat. I'll always try to get comfortable. If not, I get a new car or I get out depending if I'm the driver or the passenger in the scenario. 

I will always drive my own car. I trust my passengers, but I like to be in control of everything pertaining to me.. My car is most definitely one of them. Even when I'm resting I feel I can't completely rest until I get to my destination, I have a few .. I can rest when I get there before I head to the other destinations on the list. But I am learning how not to grip so tightly, I'm learning how to truly keep calm and find a balance. Focused but at ease. I appear that way on the outside, I get complimented on my drive all the time. But inside I'm chaotic. I'm tryna find the balance while maintaining my speed and smooth turns when I hit corners. I make it look easy, apparently. But I got this ..

 I'm learning through driving, I'm getting better and quicker every day. Can't ask someone to drive because I'm sca(red) of the hills ahead.. Only when I truly need to, I mean trulyyyyy need will I ask someone to drive. And that'll be just to recharge and get back to the mission. But trust, anyone I allow to drive won't crash because they value my life as much as theirs .. They wouldn't even be in my car, I don't need gas money, my car doesn't need much gas. Hybrid baby ;) Lol I just need to know you down for the ride.. Not dying to ride. Certain places we may pass, Sticking your head out the sun roof, screaming at the top of your lungs. No. You're really here for the ride. If my car break down you can help fix a flat.. If my vision gets blurry and I miss a sign, you caught it. I doze off, you willing and ready to take over cause you know where we're going and you know stopping not apart of the plan. 

The ride is really all we have, once we get to our destination, it's over. We spend more time traveling to it than we do actually there, depending on where you're going and how long you plan to be there. You have to make your ride enjoyable.. You have to be in good company. You have to make it to your destination, if not the ride was a waste of time. 

We don't waste time over here. You might put the pedal to the metal when you get excited about your destination but remember to know when to slow it down, and pick up speed again.. And whatever you do, don't put your car in park until you're in the parking lot of your destination.

Cues The Ride by Drake feat. The weeknd.

Mental.

That's all it comes down to. 

Your mental state .. Your mentality. 

Fuck your looks,

Fuck your circumstances,

Fuck everything that's not mental. 

People can argue with you about how much looks matter, or how people are just placed in these amazing|horrible circumstances but all that is bullshit. It comes down to your mind frame ultimately. Your mind frame is what separates you or groups you with others. 

Your mind frame is everything you are; how you view things, how you view them determines how you feel, and how you feel determines how you act. Your mind frame is what pushes you forward or holds you back. And your mind frame is the only thing that allows you or prevents you from seeing that. Real shit. 

I have alte(red) my mindset to better work for me, sure it took time but its evolved (still evolving) nonetheless. Not to mention, I wasn't closed minded to begin with. So I'm assuming its twice as hard for close minded individuals.. But again, it's mind over matter. 

Everything in life is as hard or as easy as you make it mentally. It's crazy, you could be sca(red) as fuck about something .. And psyche yourself out. But when it goes down, you laugh at the fact it wasn't nearly as scary as YOU MADE IT OUT TO BE IN YOUR MIND. funny isn't it? We've all had those moments. Or when you're mentally preparing yourself for something, and you take over, no doubts, just pure action. Your mentality allowed you to do so. You can do anything you put your mind to, and if you don't believe that. You're a fool. Literally, ANYTHING YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO, fully put your mind to, YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT. 

A positive mentality knows it has no limit, no boundaries.. And is pushed everyday. Sees the beauty in everything and is yearning to expand. A negative mentality is always, negative. cages itself in, too weak to see the strength in the mind, the power that lies inside you, some weak individuals feel the power but are frightened by this. Don't know what to do with it, don't know how to handle it.

Mentally, alot of people aren't sharp.. They're not on point. They believe life circumstances are the reasons for the way their life is turning out when in reality, it's them. Mentally, they have not fully grasped the simple idea that YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE. Mentally they're still blaming others for what they lack, when in reality they haven't made the most of what they have to get more.. Mentally, they're playing checkers, jumping all around the board.. When in reality, it's chess.. Strategic moves and critical thinking. It's always chess. But mentally people can barely play checkers, let alone chess. 

We supposedly use 10% of our brains which is fucking pathetic if you ask me.. How is it we as humans have advanced everything else around us except for the percentage amount of brain cells we use? That's crazy to me. I try to exercise my mind quite frequently, pushing myself mentally, to figure things out. Anything that keeps my mind flowing. Just to keep it sharp. One thing I will never do is take my mind for granted. Sure sometimes, i wish I could turn my mind off for a second but my mentality is what keeps me going. It is the very core of my mind frame that knows how vital it is to keep my mind spinning, to make sure I'm always on point mentally. My mind frame is the type that takes something from everything my eyes or ears capture, makes shit works and find out why things aren't working.. Isn't phased by obstacles or things not working out in its favor, knows what it's worth and won't stop til it gets everything it deserves. That's my mindset. Once I set my mind on something, there's not anything anyone can do about it. Except me, I can do something about it. And I do what I always do, continue to expand it. 

Everyone should have their own mindset. A mindset that works for them specifically, not someone else's mindset they just happened to admire and hope to emulate their wonderful life by adapting to their mind frame. That will never work for you the way it works for someone else. Your life is custom for you, so should your mindset; your own set of morals, goals, thoughts, views etc. and your mindset should help you progress as a person instead of holding you back, if your mindset is holding you back from prospering.. Change your mindset. It's okay. It's yours. If it's not working in your favor, change it.. Alter it so that it does. Be honest with yourself. Some are sca(red) of being honest with themselves because they fear to face that reality of realizing your mind frame is the reason you're not prospering. And it's okay.. It is okay if it's your mindset holding you back, as long as you change it when you realize that's your biggest setback.. Ignoring it for the sake of being stubborn and not wanting to change is just dumb. You're smarter than that. I mean, if your mindset the ONLY thing holding you back? Don't play yourself, change it for the better.. you'll only hurt yourself more than you've already have continuing with this fucked up mindset. The beauty of the mind is we can change it just by altering our thoughts... It is that easy, if you want it to be. 

I don't argue. Arguing with people is just battle of the mindsets, the more you try to force your point, the more the opposing mind rejects it, closing up in the process. Never try to force an opinion or a point.. State your case and let the people decide. Giving people that mental space to figure out and fully register what you've said is key in getting a point across especially when dealing with people with strong mindsets. Just because its a strong mindset doesn't mean it's right. People tend to feel if they stick strongly by what they know, it makes what they know right, and it doesn't. 

There's a way to stick to what you know, but also be accepting of new information; not necessarily changing your opinion or view, but accepting that there's more than one way to look at something. That's the proper mindset. The ability to separate what you know, from what you've learned, from what you feel is very vital.. Well at least my mind seems to think so. You can get so much farther once you've realized that ability. You can articulate your views, debate opinions in a respectable manner and learn something new in the process. And that's just beautiful. That's your mind in motion. And if you're like me who makes every conversation count for something no matter how minuscule the conversation is, your mind grows from it. 

That's all it's really about. Growing. Our bodies will age, our circumstances will change, but never let your mind stay the same. I've witnessed people grow old and life has taken its toll on them, their circumstances changed (not always for the better) but their minds didn't. Because their minds stay the same, they never got nowhere.. Nowhere near where they wanted to be. All because they were so stuck in their ways, their mental ways. See the mind more powerful than one thinks, if you don't know how powerful your mind is, your mind has full power over you.

Who's in control, you or your mind? Who's stronger, you or your mind? 

I wish you the strength to control your mind if you have no strength or control over it. 

Get your mind right, while there's time left.

Men.

I have a post about boys. But for some time now, I've stopped dealing with boys and ente(red) the world of men.

Being a man is not something that comes with age, but with responsibility. A man takes care of his business, a boy finds excuses not to take care of his business. The same goes to differentiate the girls from the women..

Let me back track, to the first man in my life.. Would be my step father (my sperm donor wasn't around.. And when we met I didn't like him) in his eyes, I'm his daughter and can't no one tell him different. I love him, he's a real man. I may not be his daughter but he played the father role down to the tee. But I always acknowledge the fact that's he's my siblings father and not technically mine but I'm forever grateful that he views me as one of his own.

Second.. My uncle Ralph. The greatest man ever. May his soul rest in peace. He taught me left from right.. How to be slick and a few tricks, here and there. From his influence on television, sports and music, to real life talks.. He was the best uncle ever. He never made any of my siblings and I feel stupid, he helped us grow a tough skin with his slick jokes, testing us to stand up to him as we would anyone else. You know how they say females want guys who are like their dad? Well I want a guy like my uncle.

He's the first man who I learned so much from, and he would tell me never to be with a man I can't learn from. And I have yet to do so.

I love men.

I love everything about them. How they speak, how they eat, the facial expressions they make when something aint right, the way they dress.. The passion in their eyes when they're talking that real shit. How they touch me, greet me .. Watching them handle their business in and out the sheets? Lorddddd *fake faints*

I love men so much, I waited until I was mentally old enough to begin dealing with them in a more personal level. I lost my virginity when I was 17(premeditated I wanted to be at least slightly experienced before I moved on to men), before that I just studied boys.. Admi(red) the men from afar and studied them as well. Study their ticks and tocks and what makes their clocks go 'round.

All men are truly different. My theory; Men are dogs. Different breeds of dogs. Good dogs, bad dogs .. But dogs nonetheless. They're loyal, will protect you and love you unconditionally.. but they can't resist their animalistic urge to pounce on who ever they find appealing. Some of the advanced dogs got their urges under strict lock down. But trust, the fact that he can control it now..is because at one point he couldn't. Applaud those men. Resisting temptation isn't easy for everyone.

It's all a mind thing.


Speaking of mind. I like my men with alot of it. Nothing compares to a man with a mind, a great mind. That's usually how they get me.. Smooth talkers are a little sweet spot for me. I have a very slick mouth and nothing turns me on more than a man who can keep up. Witty banter makes my knees weak. Only men can do that.

Men like to control situations so being on his A game is natural .. A boy, is still learning how to control situations. I like people on their A game. The mental games played between two adults, is ironically not even a game but more like a decoding process.. And once you crack the code, you get low. Not everybody can crack codes in conversations... Some get lost in translation. Not being as clever and upfront all while being charming is only a challenge to a child.. And I'm quite grown. Men have this maste(red) this beautifully.

I look at my choices in men and the few boys who slightly paved the way for the men I chose after them. I have no regrets. I really have this choosing thing pretty down pact. Even if it doesn't end well. They were men. And I learned something. And thankfully I seem to be gifted in the sexual selection process as well. (I really am grateful for that. I hear all these horror stories about these wack ass experiences and It's crazy). Crazy thing is I haven't been with many men, but I make my men count. (I think that's a Mae West quote, remixed a little bit if I'm not mistaken)

I feel like choosing men is more about what YOU want (knowing what you want is key in life not only in men) from a man and seeing if WHO you want fits WHAT you want from men in general. They don't always go hand in hand. Even if you want someone, if you know they're not willing or capable of giving you what you need from them.. Don't dive in it. It's literally a waste of time. Time spent trying to change a person? Time wasted. Save yourself some time and heartache and be honest. With yourself and them.

I feel as females we have this thing where (even if its not intentional) we plan everything including other people's roles in our lives based on what we feel we need from them. Now the problem with this lies that often, this person isn't aware of this role they've been given .. Shit, you never even conside(red) that maybe they're not ready for that role or maybe they just don't want it with you.

It's reality. Face it. Embrace it.

Now you put all your eggs in this basket along with your him and you turn the pressure up .. Pressure that isn't even acknowledged by him until it's made known that's it's there (usually after we're fed up with his "bullshit", the same bullshit we tolerate but hope he change it .. Which is kinda like enabling.) By then men are so comfortable (dogs get comfortable easily with women) and so set in their ways (can't teach an old dog new tricks) that to even request this type of change is absurd. They'll say something like .. I was this way when you met me. And it's true.

You were so caught up in his potential and what you could see you two being that you overlooked what was right in front of you .. Kinda like reading a contract and not reading the fine print. You always know what you sign up for.. If you don't. You didn't do enough research. And by the time you realized you igno(red) all the signs that warned you, you'll be in too deep.

You'll already invested time, emotions, thoughts, and lord knows you don't wanna be wrong about this one again.. So nope you gonna troop it out, you gonna make this work. Sad... Just breaks my heart. All this does is waste more time. Time you could be spending enjoying life and meeting men who already have their shit together; one that you'll love who he is at the moment, not what he could be in the future.

Because forever truly doesn't exist. We only have now. All I care about is now. And if you're not what I need NOW, I won't force you to become that for me.. That's selfish. I just won't deal with you. I know plenty of men who have the potential to be a great man to a lucky lady.. When they're ready. When they're willing. You can never force that. And if you're foolish enough to try ('sometimes men need a push'... Nope. Only boys need a push, Men take initiative.) I don't feel empathy.. We set ourselves up for the kill. Our force only excites the trigger finger and boom. Murder she wrote. We know when shit is gonna go sour or when someone isn't worth it. Our intuition is always proven to be accurate.. But yet, we ignore it and try anyway .. Our eyes playing tricks on us and our hearts just buys it while telling the mind to hush up.


As a woman you have to accept responsibility when dealing with men. It takes two to tango. Don't act like you ain't wanna dance cause you realized the song on repeat now. Who told you it wasn't? Oh. In the end you can either step up or step off. It's simple. Don't let your ego and emotions cloud up the crystal clear truth. Especially with all these beautiful men out here. Don't nobody got time to be wasting on some no good men when there's another out there who's everything you need and more. Don't feel the need to settle for what's in front of you, just because you sca(red) to look.


With men, the more specific you are about what you want and need from them, the easier it is to filter all the men who aren't that.

To be with a man, you have to be a woman. A man with a girl is a father. He takes care of you. Without him you can't really survive (little girl lost). A woman can hold her own with or without a man. A man recognizes this and eases her load.. A boy would feed off that.. A man feeds that. He wants you to grow just as much as you enable him to grow. A man is provider, protector and a woman is the nurturer. We're very good at nurturing, but nurturing weeds won't get you flowers. Keep that in mind.


A beautiful equation when a man and a woman come together and just multiply everything they've brought to the table. The more you want from a man/woman should equally match what you're willing to give. Nothing more, nothing less.


A man taught me that.