He was a young Dominican tan thang. Lol smooth I swear.. I was in first grade, I always knew a smooth soul off rip. We kissed by the cubbies he pushed my curls out my face and I leaned in. I mean he was heading that way anyway, you don't just stand this close, caress my hair while looking in my eyes and not kiss me? I mean til this day I have yet to be in that zone and not kiss. Anyway. He was so cute. He was missing a tooth but his grin is fresh in my mind. I never knew his last name. Didn't really matter in first grade. I moved at the end of the year and switched schools.. I was crushed.. I always wonde(red) what he grew up to be. Whenever I'm in Harlem and I pass that school I wonder if I could recognize him if I saw him... Shit, all he gotta do is probably grin.
He certainly wasn't the last crush .. I'm the crush queen. Seriously. I crush on people for the weirdest reasons and I really won't say it or make it known, why? It rarely lasts. I think the thrill of the crush for me is that I think they don't want me. I swear they're out of my league.. Like they're too perfect, why would they even consider me as flawed as I am..
So when they want me back.. It can either be lustful, which means it was mutual we just weren't aware. Or it can be wrong, you were so into me you painted this picture you didn't want me to see initially and now that you know I'm on you, it's okay for me to see it .. But I don't like what I see... I end up feeling deceived. And I leave.
But a crush .. A true crush for me is when I don't stand a chance. There's some forbidden unknown reason as to why I can't be with you but yet, your presence makes me blush.. That thrill of wishful thinking the crush is knowing it won't happen. The essence of a crush, when your heart is squishy and your butterflies are flittering in your gut; all while your face is poker championship game ready.
John legend*. I'd say he's my current crush cause just the memory of his face makes me blush. He's so smart. Fineeeeee as a motherfucker. Think of John legend 6ft with a beard, athletic build light brown eyes... Smooth talker. For years I'd see him and we'd just sta(red) until we walked passed each other. I swear until I passed him my heart wouldn't beat. That's how it felt I took initiative years later.. We were hitting it off, the more I spoke to him, the more intrigued I became.. Then I backed out like a punk and lost all contact.. I haven't even bothe(red) trying to reach out, his fine ass probably deeply involved. He's literally a catch, I know some girl pressed up where I slipped up. But he's still my crush and it crushes me that our paths haven't crossed again.. And if we do and that crush feeling still there well... We'll see.
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