Relationships.

Official. Unofficial. Business. Family. Friend. Lover. Fucker. They exist. They are apart of life, our journey with someone (long or short) is never the same as the last or the next. And that's a fact. Idc if you endure the same situations with different people. The people were different. It's different. That's it.

I try not to speak on relationships because I am really single in a lot of aspects, but I can't deny the relationships I have with people; no matter how unconventional it might be.

That being said as I get older I'm realizing effects I have on people and certain "relationships" I get myself into and out of. And I always.. Like everything else. Analyze the shit of it.

Lately, I've been more alert to how people react and act.. And I feel if I break down each relationship in my life I can answer a few questions I have for myself because now I'm getting down. Lol so there will be several relationships I touch that if read by some who "personally" (actual human contact) knows me might think I may be referring to them depending on our relationship. You might be right or wrong depending on the relationship. See I can be vague as fuck but specific enough to get my point across and an even deeper point within myself. Yeahh.. Lmao (I'm high don't mind me. I'm just trying to keep up with the thoughts)

Anywho. I feel like a bitch in some situations but I hate to feel like I have to pretend so I don't hurt feelings. I'm not good at pretending.. Lord knows I tried. If its not in me, it's not in me. I can't bring out what you're not making me feel. I'm sorry. I really am. It makes me feels a little sad sometimes lol I'm dead serious. I don't like to be a "bitch" bad guy. And I can never explain it.

How do you tell someone it just aint there? By saying that right?

Yeah, I repeat it over and over in my head and to some it's so easy to say and to others .. It's like looking at a puppy at the pet store (just take me homee O_O) and then they're the "crazy" ones who you never let get too close in the first place but they always wanna pop up and try their luck. There's the "what have you done for me lately" but can't name anything they've done for you. There's those "dream sellers" who get mad that you won't buy it. So they on you every time, just cause you the one that got away. There's those "you owe me" because in their mind they thought their role had such an impact on your life, you actually owe them something.. Go fucking figure. Lmao those are the funniest kind. Wait, let me not forget the "you gonna need me before I need you" yet ... Time ran out on their end and they're crawling back with their tail chopped off (walking with it in between their legs would be shameful and they ain't that low..) That ignorant pride. Lord. And then there's the "letsputyou downers" the ones that pick you up and tell you everything will be alright until it's time for them to go and it's okay letsputyoudown .. (Puppy at petstore eyes) even worse the ones (who despite your nagging inner voice telling you don't) fuck up every chance you give them even though last time was the last chance they were getting. I know, I know.

The one that you let get away because your pride was too high, shit you even got higher cause you realized you fucked up and you won't dare look back. Nah fuck that, idc (maybach O voice lmfaooo) or the one you're too prideful to even dare reveal how you feel, fearing the worst .. They don't feel the same.. Because they didn't say it first, they didn't show it first or maybe they did but you were in denial brushing it off as just wishful thinking. The ones that makes you feel like they're out of your league but you deserve them anyway. The ones you ain't realize what took you so long to see this person for how truly amazing/corny they were. The ones you wish you never met. And the ones you wish you met sooner. The ones who try to pull one over on you and got themselves stuck and the ones who picked you up when you're down and you ain't even know they was there.

You can find a lover, friend, family in any of these situations. After all it is a relationship. I can only speak on mine. A few deserve their own posts.

I'm really a different kind of person, I really like to be alone. I'll really curve hanging out or a date to stay home. I've done this countless times. Even now as I write this. I'm alone. Lol I do get my moments where I feel like going out or staying in with company, just being around people but it always seems like I leave somebody out. And it's like well I need mandatory me time but you can't explain that. People think you a weirdo. You just wanna be alone all your life? And it's like no, I just don't need anybody around to enjoy my own company. I like me way more than you anyway. And I'm still fighting a few wars in my mind about my life.. I think I gotta get that under control before anything else. Wouldn't you agree? (*dials*...hello? Yes, Bellevue?) that's probably what would happen.
But I digress.

Like I stated I can only speak from MY experiences. I can't tell you what's right or wrong.. I can only provide insight. And because of who I am the way people interact with me will always be different from someone else. There's no such thing as special treatment. Just different. Special is perception. And perception varies on view. So that varies on where you stand and who you looking from.. Who you looking for?(In some cases).


Think about that.