I'm not married. I don't know if I'll ever get married. Not because I don't think I'll find love or am not worthy of proposal, but because I don't know what life has in store for me, I can't rule anything out. But I've thought about it. I'd be lying if I said I haven't mentally thought out an imaginary wedding or two. Lol I even know who I'd get to design my wedding dress, if I were to get married and the designer still alive. Marriage is serious to me. The concept of marriage rather..
The union of two people who make the conscious decision to stand before their god's place of worship and become one. One life from here on out, through up and down, thick and thin. We're gonna ride it out til the last stop: the cemetery .. And maybe the after life. Love is our driver, trust and lust are also passengers. That's fucking deep.
I wonder how many more marriages would've worked if divorce was never an option? ..
What people done to the image of marriage is honestly a disgrace.
Married for the wrong reasons.
Not understanding the concept of the union of marriage.
Half of the people who get married get divorced.
50%.
Half of y'all get it right..
or just hold it down, silent but miserably.
What goes wrong? I always wonder. How could you have been so sure at the alter but a few months, years later you want to call it quits? What happened? Infidelity, trust issues, financial issues, insecurities, realizing you have no idea who the fuck you ended up with are all possible scenarios. And there's probably a million more, like I said I'm not married, not divorced so idk. But I noticed something.. People forget their roles, or don't allow their spouse to play their role.
The wife role.
Whether you're legally married or just married by love you become a wife to your husband. You're united as one. Team effort. Co defendant. Best friend. Everything. Atleast that's how I see it. See, back in the day... You were assigned a husband, then you learned to love him. And many many women did. I've spoken to women who were wed through arranged marriage and many said they weren't initially in love with their husbands but as time progressed they grew to love them.. So if they can make it work, why can't us women, in today's society where we can find who we love, and then get married make it work? Maybe because divorce is an option. I personally, feel if I put your ring on my finger .. You're gonna have to pry it off my bones after you dig my grave up. Only because I feel divorce is for people who weren't aware of what they signed up for and they don't want any part in trying to fix it. Fuck that. We're done. I'm ready to sign them paperssss (usher voice lol).
Maybe I'm bugging for not considering divorce and maybe, my opinion will change as I get older. But I really won't marry anyone that I don't genuinely consider spending the rest of my life with. That type of commitment means to me, I'm so in love with you, I'm willing to let you take the wheel every now and then, I trust you with my life and I handle yours with care. I don't have eyes for anyone else but you. Everything I do, is done with you in mind, considering your feelings. Including you in every aspect of my life you may find interesting as I will do the same to you. Respectful enough to give you your space as you do mine. Everything is done 50/50. I let you be the man and have no problem being your backbone making sure you straight.
See the role of the wife has been distorted. I can admit the way some men have abused and taken the wife for granted has certainly has alte(red) our mindset.. The days where women slaved for her man and was happy with him just eating dinner on time are over. Now women want more, they want power. Ti(red) of feeling useless from being used. And that's understandable. But remember who you're with.
And remember the Triple Cs; Compromise. Communication. And Consummation. All three are key.
Nobody's a mind reader, you can't always have your way .. And your man wants to get laid. Stop playing.
Don't get lazy. You're his wife. Be his wife. Don't strive to be the trophy, be his gold medal.. Trophy gets dusted and touched when company around.. Stays on the shelf for admiration.. Boring but beautiful. The gold medal, hangs around his neck proudly tapping against his chest close to his heart, kept protected underneath jackets. So special only gets flaunted on occasion. May sound dumb to some, but you gotta be a little different to understand my metaphors.
Anywho, once you accept the role as a wife you have obligations to fulfill. Not because you have too. But because you want too, as his wife you want to see him happy. I mean if not? Why would you be with him? There's no such thing as being selfish in a fully committed relationship. If you are, you're not fully committed. I think that's where some women fuck up, they're still selfish.. Gotta take care of me cause if I don't who will? Umm you're husband. Duh. The purpose of you taking well care of him is because he takes such great care of you. And if he isn't. Sweetie, that's not your man. Don't be the woman playing the wife role to a guy who isn't worthy of you.
Just because you wanna play the role doesn't mean you have to play it for any guy giving you attention or you're deeply infatuated with his potential. That's alot to invest in, don't waste your time. And also pace yourself.. You wanna reel a man in or keep it fresh with your spouse do spontaneous things in doses. Every now and then never hurts. Never give too much but just enough to have him wanting more. That's all. A man just wants to feel like there's more to you. He feels he knows all there's to know about you.. Bo(red)om soon come. Yawnnnnn.
I won't speak on how to handle specific problems like infidelity in marriage/commitment, every cases varies.. And I'm not like everyone else. But if you as a wife, stay after infidelity you gotta let it go. Move forward. Harboring the ghost of his mistakes in your home will never make it right, if anything it will ruin whatever you had left of your relationship. If you truly can't let go.. Just leave. If not. Stfu. And moveeeeeee onnnnnn.
Fuck conventional. Marriages and the wife role. Don't do what everyone else do. What works for them, may not always work for you. You know your man, he married/committed to you for a reason. Don't feel like you have to become this different person because you're married now. As you and your spouse grow, you should always try to keep the spark that got you both started in the first place lit. Keep them fireworks sparkling baby girl. Being his wife should always make you proud and you should always be happy or smiling, even when he's annoying you.. Or you're going through something and he's making you laugh knowing shit is real, but it's just what you need to lighten up a little bit; as moments like that will remind you why you married/committed to this person.
A happy wife is a happy life. As long as your man is making you feel like the only girl in the world you should always make him feel like the king he is. If he isn't, it's your job as his queen to let him know he's slipping. Don't let it build up.. Address it with thought and patience. Don't expect change over night. It's not always gonna be sunny days, on the rainy days you should still be happy you're stuck in the rain with him. And just knowing that you're together through the storm makes the sunny days that much more sunnier. Lol I'm corny? Blah. You get the point.
There's no question about the submissiveness of a wife, you should have no objection to this because your man should make you feel so great that you won't even realize you've submitted, the transition was so natural. You both love each other dearly and are both willing to play the roles needed to secure your happiness. The trust is there most importantly.
Our roles as wives are more powerful than we think. It's more psychological than anything. Men need that nurture and care that wives provide. They've already got the obligations of being a man and everything that entitles that. Their tough personas needs that female gentle touch. They can achieve much more with a great woman behind them. Pushing them, encouraging them. Rubbing their back and telling them it's okay when they've had a bad day. Making their favorite dinner after they've accomplished a goal they've been so excited about. Following up on things they've expressed interests in, showing them you care as much as they care about our interests and projects. It's really common sense. But most women try to force these things with the wrong men instead of waiting for the willing instead of the stubborn. Don't ever try to change a man, rather help him grow to be a better man because he makes you a better woman. It sounds easy.. But everything is easier said than done. When it's all said and done, every woman has the potential to be an amazing wife to the right man.
And to those who feel they've played the role time and time again to no avail.. Don't let that bring you down. Those other men were just practice lol the right man is out there. Looking for someone just like you.. And you have no idea. Life is funny like that.
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