But sometimes I feel stupid. No matter how smart I am or how smart people think I am, I do feel stupid at times. Why did I over complicate a situation when it was really all so simple? Why do I feel stupid? I always ask myself. People do try to make you look stupid, feel stupid. You know the type, try to fuck with your mind, alter your sense of reality.. But what about when you do it to yourself?
That's when it really matters, like I said can't no one call me stupid .. But I certainly can. I know when I've made a fool out of myself. I know me. So I sit and think, about how I get myself into things and try to pinpoint what was it that got me here.. Was it pride? Stupidity? Ego? Life? With situations it varies, and sometimes I just never know. It's crazy.
*and than there's my favorite kind of stupid. The stupid feeling I get for being so stupid and underestimating a situation and it turned out greater than expected. How foolish of me..
It's sad, that people assume I'm stupid based on how attractive they find me. Which is the stupidest shit I ever heard, but whatever. You know how many conversations I've had with people that think I'm an idiot in the beginning and before its over they're asking for advice? I can tell when someone thinks I'm stupid. Its written all over there face, I'm not stupid. Not to mention my big bambi like eyes gives off that innocent-naive like vibe.. It still kinda boils my blood when people who should know better try to act like I'm stupid. Now you just trying to insult my intelligence.. Please don't do that.
I hate those who play stupid, and it's not fit for you to play stupid in the scenario at hand. Stupid not fitting you and you're stupid if you think we're buying it. It's one thing to entertain stupidity but to make a mockery of the audience and we're supposed to take it seriously is insulting.
A person has yet to make me feel stupid in a long time. Like I said I can only make myself feel stupid. But I hate for someone to play stupid around me, now naturally I can play stupid. I never have to say much, I can keep quiet. Let you think I don't know shit and gather mental data of everything you're saying and doing. But only when it's called for. I never play stupid to stroke an ego. And I don't entertain stupidity to stroke my own ego.
But again, why do I feel stupid at times? Bc I make things harder for myself than I should. And that's stupid to me. But I rather make it harder for myself now, than to take the easy route and fuck up later on... Especially if I can foresee this isn't going to end well, if I can foresee it, I know the reality would be worse because it would be real and more complex. And although the easy routes taunt me like free samples at a bakery, I walk away.. I don't indulge in it. Although my load would be way easier to carry with a forklift than my own arms, I can't afford a forklift. I won't take a forklift from anyone either. That's probably stupid of me as well. But people like to tie things to you masking it as help. And I'm not stupid. Won't get me tangled up. Maybe I'm paranoid, too many horror stories of help traps that have gotten many I know caught up in some shit they wish they would've just moved on their own, but they just had to take the forklift.
I'm smart enough to know that everything is tied to service. And as a woman, I have to be very cautious on what service I accept, sure the offer seems wonderful in times of hardship. But of course they sound good, shit anything sound good when you desperate.. Water sound like your favorite fruit juice when you're dehydrated. You have to be able to see even when your vision blurry.
Everything is easier to get into than to get out of. Drake never lied. I'm very cautious of what I get into.. Sometimes I'm not but its rare.. And I'm human. But I'm quick to pull the plug if I see shit gonna get out of hand. I am blessed with foresight, I guess it's gods way of saying sorry for making me fake blind (my vision is horrible). I can literally see where things are gonna go and especially if they're heading in a bad direction, I change course. I'm not that stupid to continue a path that serves me more trouble than triumph. I don't care what I put into the path, how long I've been going down that path. The moment shit is looking like its going downhill. I'm changing paths. I will never let my stupidity bring me down.. I may stumble cause of it. But I will never fall. Why? I'm not that stupid. Although I feel stupid every now and then for something, I don't let it get to me.. I know this feeling never lasts.. And I know I'm not stupid.
Everything is for a reason. Even if I don't know the reason or the purpose behind the reasoning. There is one.
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