Nothing is ever enough for me, does this mean I'm ungrateful? No. I appreciate every(one)thing in my life. I truly am grateful for it all, but I know this isn't all of it. I know I have way more coming to me.. I know this because I wake up every morning. And until the day I don't wake up in the morning, I will always strive for more.. I mean why the fuck not? There's always more to obtain, in all aspects. And even when I feel I'm at a standstill, or obstacles are more difficult than I'm used to.. I still want more. That desire to fulfill my true potential and realize every dream enables that greedy desire to want more.
Temporary satisfaction is a gift and curse, that intensity of that short lived satisfaction is enough to either drive you crazy chasing temporary satisfactions or drive you to find eternal satisfaction. I believe there's such thing, I believe you feel that ever lasting satisfaction when you wake up every single fucking morning happy as fuck (rain or shine) where you are and still go get more, not to fulfill anything that's missing.. Because at this point, ain't a damn thing missing. But because your drive doesn't die.. Because you truly are driven until your last drive in that hearse. Idk what it's like, the ride in the hearse.. I'm still kicking. But I'm hoping its peaceful.. And only way to ensure that, is to make sure I'm at peace with my life before I go.
That's why I really want more, I don't have peace.. Not peace of mind, nothing like that. My desires and drive are in full throttle.. I can't rest. I want more of everything, opportunities especially. And there is no limit for me. I have removed any limit I set upon myself.. How else could I get more if I'm limiting myself? Limiting myself to what others think I am, limiting myself to play it safe, limiting myself to stay the same?
I think not.
More isn't bad, sure moderation is key. But that's only cause we can't appreciate things in large doses, we take them for granted.. Easily accessed, we don't want it anymore.. Things and people become too familiar .. So moderation gives it a balance.. Stretches it out. Makes it easier for humans. Humans who really don't know how to have anything because they're never grateful, so wanting more is to fulfill a need for them that nothing in this world can fill.. A need that only they for themselves can fulfill, no material possession, no amount of success, no person walking this earth can fill that void. But many don't realize this, so majority of their lives are spent chasing temporary satisfaction... And they confuse it with wanting more.. Thinking it will eventually bring eternal satisfaction.. And it won't.
I know this. Trust. I know this all too well. And that's why I don't deny that I want more. Because I know the difference. That's why I encourage those who have that drive to be better and want better to do so, and those who are just using their drive to ride away from a deeper demon.. I leave them alone. They're fighting a battle, I cant help them win, no matter what.. most of them, don't want help... There's no helping those who don't want to be helped.
As for me, I'm complete internally.. So my eternal satisfaction with life soon come. No doubt about that. The wait is slightly annoying and on some days irritating but I'm enjoying the ride, it's an interesting one, just taking notes of the signs and the drive.. I know what I'm striving for, I know why I'm doing what I'm doing.. I know who I do it for, me. Because if I'm not good where I'm at, I can't be of any use to those I love around me.. If I don't have more, I can't give more. Wanting more is the first step.. Doing what you need to do to get more is the biggest step.
One step at a time, ain't got time to stumble.
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