How often do you do this, putting yourself on the edge.. if often at all?
Do you prefer higher edges? Or lower safer ones? Does it even matter?
Is it for the feeling, a thrill, a rush of fear and uncertainty? Or just to see if you can keep your balance, or your sanity (metaphorically)? Depending on the circumstances, of course.. It will vary.
I asked myself these questions, I fully believe our life is what we make it.. Our problems are often self created, because we VIEW it as a problem.. We've all heard more than once that something we viewed as a problem wasn't really that serious (usually followed by THERE'S KIDS STARVING IN AFRICA, WE ALL GOT PROBLEMS) blah blah. But it's true we all do have problems; we can't control what crosses our path, but how we handle it, is on us... So back to the edge.
I think about how I handle things and I realized, I push the envelope alot. I do it subconsciously.. I'm gonna try to explain it best way I can, I put myself on the edge when I don't have to.. And I don't know exactly why.. With situations and people. I don't know, testing limits gives me a sick thrill, not only am I testing limits with people and situations but also myself, how I react to situations and people.. Especially now more than ever. Being that I'm only getting older and everything is a new experience all around. Not to mention, I'm probably being tested to, if not by you.. then a higher power, either way I gotta be on edge, sharp knife edge. It's actually more comfortable to me on the edge.. Something about playing it safe that makes me uncomfortable.. Maybe because playing it safe, never gets you anywhere.
I don't push people's limit to taunt them or clown them or anything of that matter.. shit in some scenarios I may look like the clown, jokes on me for pushing the wrong envelope. It's life, it's possible. (I think that's gonna be my new motto lol) I only push others and situations for my own sick pleasure. It's funny, as much as I want to know everything. The unknown gives me a thrill... Well discovering the unknown. Peeling and picking past the paste that seals whatever envelope falls in my lap that I may find interesting.
My little sister told me, I put people on edge, and it always looks like I get a kick out of it.. I asked her how do I exactly put people on edge? "How you talk, you bring up things people don't normally want to discuss with such ease.. It makes them edgy, nervous." Thought that was interesting, yet my edge doesn't make me so nervous.. if anything it keeps me at ease.. More often than not. Something about light dose of chaos that keeps my nerves calm. It's weird, I know.
Does putting myself on the edge work in my favor? .. Depends on why I'm at the edge.. I think more often than not, it's to see if I could keep my balance.. To test my sanity by testing my faith I guess.. The wrong wind on that edge, and it's a wrap for me. But even knowing that, I still stand on that edge, posture like an eagle.. I know when not to put myself on the edge, fake play it safe .. But that comes with being intuitive. Knowing when my balance is off.. Knowing when to fall back. Relax and let mother universe play her role.
I'm always on edge mentally though, I guess that's why I subconsciously provoke others and myself.. Maybe so I don't feel alone on the edge, I like to stand and stare up.. Instead of down, I mean I occasionally look down just to remind myself how high up I am, but looking up.. That's the thrill. That's the fun part.. No matter how high up you are, it gets higher. So why not sit at the edge and put things into perspective while maintaining your balance? Great practice don't you think?
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