I'm controlled crazy. If anyone tries to call me crazy and I know it's in a negative tone I'll deny it. But I am crazy. And I'm in control of my crazy. So how crazy am I? Enough to know I have to keep it tamed majority of time. Sometimes I count to 10 as many times as I need to when I feel like doing anything that will come off as crazy. I know that I'm crazy because I don't need anger to fuel it. It's kinda scary, I'm always so calm but my thoughts oh lord.
One time I was in a cyph and I was sitting on a bed, a friend of mine was sitting underneath me (the bed was high enough) I'm dangling my legs and I thought it'd be hilarious if I kicked the shit out of him.. He wouldn't have saw it coming and everyone would be so stunned. The thought alone cracked me the fuck up. Calm down, I didn't kick him. My self control said 'bitch, chill he's not gonna find this funny with a bloody face.' Even I thought the thought was crazy, humorous (I have a sick sense of humor) but crazy nonetheless.. But it crossed my mind anyway. I used to do dumb shit as a kid like pretend to cry for my mom in the supermarket.. Yet I went alone. That's crazy.. I mean it's fun for me but people don't do that everyday. I'm still secretly dying to pretend to catch a seizure or heart attack in public but my restraint won't let me. :(
I don't show my crazy too often, because I already kinda scare people with my unique personality.. Like I said before I don't think people can handle me, in my entirety.. They can barely handle what I give them, imagine I show crazy Crissy? Ha! They wouldn't know what to do like a geek losing his virginity. I really don't play though, I joke around alot but I don't play... My mind always concocting these outlandish ideas and half I act on, the other half too crazy. I save those for when the world becomes ready.
Sometimes, you have to get crazy for people to take you seriously. I'm calm, cool collective.. But I can switch to the crazy, wild, assertive combo at the flick of a switch.. Or as soon as I feel funny shit going down. I never been a push over. And I've maste(red) the art of knowing how much crazy to give. You can't go over board, or Bellevue you go. You gotta do it in doses, strong enough to leave an effect, not enough to kill. It's a thin line between standing your ground and looking like a fool, ranting and raving about nothing. The fact that I'm so calm scares some.. They never know what I'm up too or they sense that my calm like aura is a result of strong self discipline.. Self discipline that I've taught myself due to my fear of losing control of my crazy. That won't ever be a pretty sight. Ever.
I'm passionate as fuck though, and as I get older I'm learning its okay to show my crazy when it matters.. Especially when it comes to proving a point. I'll go to extreme lengths to prove a point.. call me crazy. I mean after all, that's just what they call you when they can't understand you. And I'm constantly misunderstood.. Thank god I understand myself. Results of talking to myself.. I've gotten caught plenty of times muttering to myself.. But I get me so well, why wouldn't I speak to me? I think the craziest people are those that don't speak to themselves.
It's crazy, I'm up.. Thinking of everything I normally think about and I don't like to share these thoughts because people will look at me like I'm completely crazy or a complete genius but in reality, what's the difference .. Semantics. Those who get called crazy and never see the inside of a white padded rooms are the same ones getting called geniuses after they've left their mark. Only after they've left their mark. Before they were just crazy... Funny.
Everybody calling me crazy now.. But it'll be soon before long until they all see, they're the crazy ones, for even doubting me in the first place.. But I forgive them in advance, I'm crazy like that.
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