Thoughts.

As I sit in the laundromat ..

My mind is on a whirlwind. What else is new?

I keep pushing myself. Really trying to break bad habits and tendencies that subconsciously hold me back. I'm finding a balance. Extract the good from my bad habits and toss the hindering shit in the trash.

I swear I'm always being tested.
I don't like tests, but I see why they're needed. Excel at what you know, discover what you don't ..

Who's testing me? ... God. Everyone. Me.
I feel I'm going through a series of test, I try not to think of it as that. But the feeling is there.

Am I failing? Passing? I have no idea.

The tests I conduct for myself without realizing it? I'm hit and miss. But I'm getting better.

I'm just trying to stay in touch with myself without losing touch with what's going on around me.. Gotta be on ya Ps and Qs ..

I don't want to end up insane.. But am I even sane now?

Everything I do is so "odd" to others but so the "norm" for me. Is everyone else crazy?

Or will my "odd" ways make others feel comfortable to reveal their not so odd sides.. Will I be the voice of reason by unanimous decision?

My attention span would have to advance I suppose.

I should've waked and baked before coming to the laundromat. Well there's always time after.

I've been getting better sleep .. Surprise surprise. I'd say since the year started, I maybe have woken up ti(red) like twice. The first day I woke up fully rested I was so shocked .. It's been so long. I'm falling asleep faster as well (but I do be ti(red) .. Not like that stopped me before) .. If you ask me, it's about time.


Speaking of time, I'm on a tight schedule. I'm working with what I have and trying my hardest not to focus on what I need and what I don't have. That has been a big problem for me in the past. And I'm trying to leave that in the past.

I'm really excited about some of the projects I'm involving myself in. Not only my own, but with others as well. Really anxious to see the final outcome.

By 25 I should be my own boss. - I tell myself this everyday. And I only say 25 because at the rate I'm going, 4 years is more than enough. I just might cut that in half .. But we'll see what happens. I have to be everything I want to be. No excuses,

People really think I joke around when I say if by my 30th birthday I don't purchase (not rent, or lease) a Bugatti sport, I'm slitting my throat. There's no fucking way by 30 I won't have millions.. Let alone one. Fuck that. The only exception to that is if I purchase it before 30 .. Why a Bugatti? It's beautiful and I like nice cars. I want to own 7 (I like to have options) but a Bugatti is $1,000,000 plus ..

I'm 21 now. In 9 years if I can't blow a million dollars and think nothing of it. I've failed myself. There's too much money out here and so many ways to get it, if you don't see $1,000,000 at least once in your life; you either didn't want it, didn't think you could get it or didn't use your resources properly. Either way it's on you.

And I feel a million dollars is not alot of money. Of course it is for someone who doesn't have it. And sure I can do alot with that now. But as surely as I can spend it, it will be gone. That's why I believe I will have way more than a few millions before its all said and done. One won't be enough, but it will certainly be a milestone.. I tend to think "big money" even if my pockets don't match it. I swear it's because my mind knows what it's worth. And no matter how much I've seen, felt and spent in my life.. I'm worth more.

But all that in due time.

My foundation is reaching its peak.
Lord knows how sturdy I've laid it down, so when shit get real.. My foundation is what's really gonna hold me down.

“People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.” - Paulo Coelho