Age.

I'm the oldest of four. I'm the youngest everywhere else I go. I always seem to gravitate towards older crowds. They're wiser and I can relate more while learning at the same time. I feel old. Like really old.

And I'm only 21.

I have to constantly remind myself of that. I know there's way more that I need to experience but I feel like I've seen my share and my mind is so advanced. I'm always learning. I take something from every conversation I have, something I've seen or heard. I don't let nothing go to waste without me dissecting it to uncover that hidden gem. And I find it. Every time.

Since I was a kid I was constantly reminded I was young.. That's why today I speak to kids as if they were the same age as me. Like they're an individual with something to say. Not like their voice doesn't matter because of their age.

What's age?
18 and under - you don't know any better unless you commit murder, then you know better. By 18, You can't buy alcohol but you can purchase cigarettes. You're not old enough to fuck up your liver, but feel free to destroy your lungs and of those innocent bystanders. You can make the choice to vote for anyone in government and fight for your country. Ah the choices.

21.
Liquor store, strips clubs, anything X-rated. Vegas. You still can't rent a car without a cosigner. You still can't file for independent on your fasfa til your 24 ..

Age aint nothing but a number ( Aaliyah voice )

-side note. Aaliyah was as my mother would say too hot to trot. I thought I was Lusty, Lmaoo she took the cake.-

Age doesn't guarantee maturity nor intelligence as people would like to believe. You can advance your mental age or slowly deteriorate it by not expanding your knowledge. It's your choice.

You don't have to be in school to learn. School is a place where we're forced to listen because we're lead to believe if we don't come here, we won't learn anything. And it's not true. You can learn from wherever.

I feel my mind is mentally advanced, wiser beyond my actual years of existence. I'm always reading something or researching anything that sparks my curiosity because I have this insatiable hunger to know. The fact that I may never know enough fuels my mind to be rather inquisitive.

Since I know I'm not the only one, I like to help fuel people's curiosity as well. I feel you should always feed your mind when it's hungry, if you don't... How else would it grow?

Some may wait til they're older to tackle certain problems, feels as if they may get a better understanding as they age. I don't got time for all that. If I can figure something out now, I will.

Maybe that's why I can sit with groups of 30-40 yr olds, 60yr+olds, people in my age range 18-25, 25-30 and I can relate to all of them, I can hold my own in a conversation. We can dissect shit together. I can more often than not change the views of some.. Who and I quote "never thought of that way" end quote.

Many can't believe I'm only 21. They always assume I'm older. Unless I go to a bodega and ask for a Dutch; they swear I'm 15 and always ask for iD .. Smh

I'm not sca(red) to age.. I used to be. Once upon time. I used to have mini panic attacks when I would think of me getting old and dying, how small we actually are in this universe. My mind would span out like a satellite in outer space and the darkness would consume me as the world got smaller and my chest would tighten, as if I was in space with no suit on... my heart pounding and I start to cry. Wanting to yell for my mother to save me.. And it hit me. She can't save me. She can't save me from getting old or death. She's doomed the same fate. And just as soon as my heart would feel like it's gonna burst, I'll calm down... I'll force myself to relax because I never wanted to go to the hospital. I lost count of how many times that happened. A few times I actually cried for her didn't care if she couldn't save me, I just wanted to hear her calm me down. She would tell me, it's okay, why aging isn't so bad and how death is the only thing guaranteed to us.. so how bad can it really be? All while stroking my hair, love that lady man.

I have overcome that fear of dying and aging..with the urge to live. Live so grand that aging would only enhance it and death will only celebrate it.

Age is to me is just how long you've been here physically on earth. And your mentality shows me how long you've been paying attention. Alot more people need to grow up and pay attention.

But what do I know? I'm only 21.

"Embrace aging. It's very simple. As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed at twenty-two, you'd always be as ignorant as you were at twenty-two. Aging is not decay, you know. It's growth. It's more than the negative that you're going to die, it's also the positive that you understand you're going to die, and that you live a better life because of it" — Mitch Albom