Unsolved mysteries presents..

Cristina A. Melo; case filed: at birth.
Born June 10, 1991
My mother stares at me like I'm an alien. Lol she knew I was gonna be different, she says. Doctors actually told her I was going to be born abnormal (conside(red) normal at birth).. Maybe they were right after all.

I always hear how weird I am .. Or how I'm different, (yeah I'm diffrnt *2chainz dance* lol) you're a different breed Cristina, I can't explain it, it's something about you.
And I always wonde(red) what is it about me?

All those I ask never know, and I never see what they're taking about in the first place because I feel I'm just being myself. And with everyone i meet it varies on how they perceive me. Now as I'm still climbing up on my life journey I always feel the need to ask myself who am I .. Really?

Of course you have this perception of yourself, that you feel is who you TRULY are; but that may be distorted by our natural self-bias instinct. "of course I am who I say I am, if I wasn't then why would I say I am?"
But let's be honest for a moment.
It's easy to own up to your good qualities, but people tend to sweep their bad qualities under a rug.. Sometimes even forgetting that the bad is still apart of who they are. Whether they acknowledge it or not.. I acknowledge it, even when I don't mention it. So I know others do the same towards me. So I always try to check in and make sure I'm aware of both compounds that make me, me. But with that in mind ... I always observe how people react around me. 9 out of 10, people's body language will always tell you more than any conversation spoken between you two. Not everyone will say how they feel.. But their bodies will. I started paying more attention when I got to high school .. But that only got more advanced as I mentally blossomed into who I am today. Everyone I come into contact with says the same things about me, more often within a first meeting. I like that. I know I have many charms, I'm aware of that among other things. But I really think people appreciate who I am because I will always give you me and never make you uncomfortable for being you. If I ever made anyone comfortable, I swear to you it's because we didn't speak. Real shit. And I know this because everyone I speak to, I feel the good vibes. I pick up on hints pretty well often correctly identifying other people's emotions and they'll look at me with those eyes like where have you been all my life? I've seen that stare enough to recognize it anywhere.

When I was at school AJ would call me Herks mystery. Lmaoo he couldn't figure out my moves for the life of him. I am aware I move different. But that's just me.

God, I'm high and I'm rambling I could really go on forever but there would be no end because I don't have all of the mystery solved. I know why people think I'm mysterious, or weird and rare .. Because I am. I know with every fiber in my being that another me, could never be.
But I wish I knew why, what made me so different from "the rest".. Maybe I'm meant to figure it out on my own time. I think I'm doing pretty good with the clues I've been given and at the pace I've been receiving them at. I know I talk in code alot. But metaphorically everything is better understood, to me anyway. (There I go again .. Lol I really can't help it.) it will all make sense some day. I'm sure of it.

You have the right to remain silent.

It's more attractive when you hold it down.
Always say less than necessary.
Less is more.
In life people will talk your ears off, best way to attract attention is to speak and some people never shut up. And I mean that in the literal sense. People forget that silence is an option. Atleast selective silence. You don't have to reveal everything you know or everything you've experienced or seen. In life, the perfect time and place will present itself where you can showcase what you know and be useful. People volunteer useless information everyday for the sake of being heard. Shut up. Whenever you volunteer useful information it never goes unnoticed. Yet the useless information always cause annoyance .. I never understood how people can't pick up on body language. Are you that self absorbed you can't feel anyone's vibes but your own?... I digress.

I don't repeat everything I hear, and I know way more than I let on. I learned early on, running ya mouth will only lead you into unwanted trouble. But whenever I choose to volunteer information, it's relevant to whatever's going on. Alot of times, people are often surprised I'm knowledgeable of the topic bc I wasn't so hype to prove what I know. The irony, I know so much because I keep quiet alot. Listen to what others have to say on it, maybe learn something I can add to what I already know. But how would you know what you don't know if you're always talking? Oh I know, you'll wait til you're making a fool of yourself and someone corrects you.

Eh. It's just a thought.

Positive Thoughts.

I wrote this on May 17, 2012, I felt like my world was crashing down. No, it did crash .. I had hit what I felt was rock bottom for me. Negativity was at an all time high, I felt like I was being consumed by it and I didn't like it. As I held back the tears on my way to work that day.. I wrote this. I lived by it. Still do. And I swear whenever I read it, I feel better. It was everything I needed to hear.

Positive thoughts.
Everything will be fine
This is not the end.
You are destined for great things ..
And nothing will stop you from achieving greatness unless you let it.
Take every bad and find the good, extract the good and focus on that
Obstacles are put in your way to test you, do you really want this?
How bad do you want it if a couple misfortunes are enough to break you. You are strong. You can not be broken. You have overcome, you will overcome anything that's thrown your way.
Don't doubt yourself. Don't think it's impossible. It's not.
You are more than capable. Put your mind to it. You know your potential. You know you haven't hit it, don't worry about others. Worry about fulfilling your deepest desires, obtain all that you aspire to obtain. Enough is enough. Positive vibes, positive thoughts. Positivity is key. Negativity is a lock. Unlock your negative thoughts and free your mind of anything evil. You can be what you want to be. You want to be great, you shall be great. Those little voices and imagery in your mind can become reality. You are the only one who can make that happen. Believe in this and you win. Truly believe. TRULY believe. Don't lie to yourself. Don't live in misery, depression. You are alive. Make it count. I just hate that it took me 20 years to discover this. Thankfully, I'm young. I will be great. Mark my motherfucking words. I will not be broken. I will not be average for settle or anything less than I have imagined for myself. Promise to myself. Promise to read this everyday until I reach every dream I ever dreamt and every now and then after I achieved it. I never make a promise I can't keep. Word to Dru hill.

Thanksforgiving

I worked a double shift on thanksgiving, got off at 7 and enjoyed good, food, bud and alcohol with my Family. Now I know the horror story behind thanksgiving but I do appreciate what it's become, reunions and memories.. Food and drinks.. An all around good time with people you care for, depending on who you talk to. But I'm thankful.
Now more than ever. I'm healthy, I'm getting closer to my goals .. And it doesn't stop. I'm always a bit more cheerful around the holidays and I don't even have to be in the best situation to do so. Just the holiday spirit floating in the air is enough to keep a smile on my face. I almost got mad ... No, I got mad, I pouted about it for a few minutes. I took deep breaths and let it go. I am really in a place where my pros out weigh my cons, I'm done letting minor cons outshine my pros. I'm not exactly where I gotta be but those pros will get me there. "And progress, no matter how long the process .. Should never be belittled." (I like to quote myself lol) and in 6 days I'll be able to cross one of my goals off the list .. And lord knows how long it's been on the list, yet the timing couldn't be more right. And now that I look back on my "depressive state of mind" phase .. I'm glad I went through it. I'm glad I took everything so hard .. It's just what I needed. I knew the sun would shine, I just didn't know when .. And as I stare at the clouds .. I see the sun finally peeking through. (Im such a cornball lol)


"Blessed are those who give without remembering. And blessed are those who take without forgetting." — Bernard Meltzer

8 days ...

8 fucking days.
This feels surreal ..
Excited is an understatement. I'm finally getting a whole lot closer to where I wanna be. Moving day is approaching, I haven't been this excited since I went away to college.. To think, I've been wanting this for so long and I thought I wouldn't even get to start planning this til next year .. And it just got 10x easier. I'm fucking ecstatic. I get to live in my own apartment (my cousin and I are roomin together) it's gonna be so fun. I can't wait. We get along great and have a million and two things in common .. She's just as excited as I am. I will definitely post pictures when we're done decorating, it's gonna look so beautiful. This is the start of something new.

I swear I have to keep reminding myself I deserve this, I've waited for this. I asked for this .. Everything is happening so fast and I'm used to shit falling apart but alot has changed since then. Especially my attitude towards life. I swear ever since I FULLY and TRULY devoted myself to thinking positively, everything has been taking care of itself. The timing couldn't be better. This is really only the beginning.
*birdman hand rub* muahahaha :)

Wow.

Shit is getting real. In the most great way possible. Something that I've been wanting is becoming more real as the days progress .. I'm moving quick and making sure this opportunity doesn't pass me by. This is making me a little nervous. In a good way, I'm anxious I want this to work out as planned but I don't want to get too excited that things get ruined. I'm finding a balance. I should be fine. I'm just so excited, finallyyy I'm seeing progress, it feels great. This is what I've been waiting for. Only a few weeks left. Thinking good thoughts every step of the way. A beautiful thing is forming. The start of something new.

"You cannot win without sacrifice." — Charles Buxton

The Experiment.

Have you ever thought that you could be part of a social experiment? How would you know you are if you're not supposed to know?
Maybe I'm just high and seen too many weird movies, but it has crossed my mind. But of course, being me.. I always have to take it to the next level.

"What if we are apart of a social experiment... but it's our own, like we're the conductors .. Our souls guiding us." Sounds alot like life to me.

Our entire existence could be a social experiment. Our mind collects data, brings in and remove variables, our emotions change how we react to the variables .. I mean think about it, we are not the exact same person we were at birth, we've been molded and still are being molded by society and experiences. Alot of our experiences we create with our minds which is like an experiment.. We don't know how it's going to turn out. You get these urges from your soul to try things and everything else goes from there .. The ever changing experiment called life.

And death is really checking back in. And your memory|actual life is played back for you at the review board ( god and his squad, think ANTM judging panel.. I believe it'll be that fierce lmfaoo ) I mean, who's to say its not true? Only one way we'll find out. Maybe I'm really on to something. Maybe I'm not.

I'm not sure how life is "Supposed" to be lived or who's really calling the shots. but I feel life should be whatever you feel is right. As long as you are at peace with yourself, you're living Life right. It's that unsettling feeling that gets me to feel a higher power controls me or my desires are burning intensely as they continue to be buried deep down (I shall set you free soon).

And after I read "Do You" by Russell Simmons and he explained this feeling, I knew I was on to something. (I'm still pissed all I did was smile when I saw him, we shall meet again) I don't know what thoughts or feelings people keep to themselves, because well.. They keep it to themselves. Duh.

But I know what I think to myself, I know what I'm feeling and I don't understand how people can live their lives doing things they don't genuinely wanna do for so long, you ever seen the dullness in a person eyes who you could tell they hated their life? I never wanna be that person. I never want to lose that sparkle in my eye. I don't want to get drowned out in the sea of sorrow that life may toss in my direction. I want to fall in love with my life everyday .. Slowly but surely I'll get there. I am aware that I want alot out of life, but I feel life has alot to offer me. Why wouldn't I get all I feel I'm worth? Now that I think about it. I haven't had a bad day in a while, every day isn't amazing yet but it's decent. I live to see another day. Always grateful for that. I've been jotting down and plotting .. I'm experimenting (lol) with things, ideas and I have this weirdly good feeling about all of it. Alright I'm done rambling. Hopefully if I am apart of a social experiment conducted by any(one)thing, they don't pull the plug on me for writing this. Lol but no one reads this anyway, so I should be safe. Lol


"A long life may not be good enough, but a good life is long enough." — unknown

All I want for Christmas ...

As the holidays approach, I can't shake holiday spirit. Thanksgiving is next week and I can't wait. All the good food, drinks and bud to be consumed. After thanksgiving, comes Christmas, I know what I'm getting my siblings, my mom and grandma .. hopefully I can get that out the way quick, After all the events that have happened this year, I'm definitely treating myself to a few gifts. If I don't, who will?

iPad Mini

I love the iPad concept and now even more that it's a tad bit smaller. Perfect fit in all my bags. Of course I want it in black to match my phone. 

Xbox 360 Star Wars edition 

Now, I'm no Star Wars fan .. besides those Family Guy episodes, I never saw a Star Wars movie. Me purchasing my own Xbox is way overdue, so this is a must. Several games I've been wanting to play and I just love the design .. But do you see the controller????\

No seriously, Do you see this shit? this is the MAIN reason I want this. 

Rose Gold Movado Women's Watch

 I love Rose Gold and I need some arm candy.

Celine Winter '12 Trapeze Canvas Bag*

This is a little outta my budget, but I would loveeee this bag in either color. this is more of a wishlist item but eh, fuck it. Who knows, maybe my wish will come true. :) 

Thoughts before bed.

I had a pretty good day, decent weekend overall.
Now as I just get comfortable in my bed, soon the sun peek through ..
I'm watching Family Matters, only because the batteries in my remote control finally died.

Any who, after the interesting day I had..
I realized, people are who they are and unless they have a true sense of self, no matter what you tell them about themselves whether it's true or not; they won't see it. I'm learning how to leave people as they are .. No matter how much I want to see people better themselves all around, I can't force that. That's something people have to want for themselves. I have no control over that. And it saddens me, when people are trapped in a certain mindset that's holding them back from becoming a better person.

I could give my perspective on a view but because of how I'm viewed my perspective isn't taken as serious, that's top 5 most annoying things. A friend of mine told me literally 20 minutes ago "you give good advice and make valid points but you don't live that life, you don't care about anything" because I'm not as vocal with my concerns, because I don't like to complain, because I TRULY believe anything endu(red) will pass, people assume I'm careless. If not everything, majority of the words I speak, I live by. And anything otherwise is usually introduced with an "I heard" .. I like to practice what I preach, I hate people who are full of shit so I never wanted to be anything close to a resemblance to that. I never claim to be perfect and of course I get upset, but I pride myself in letting shit go and moving on. Life doesn't stop here and neither will I. I refuse to let things bother me for long periods of time, life is literally too short for that. People really tend to forget that. We're not here forever, no one is .. So I'm going to make my time here enjoyable. ( earl nightingale voice ) I honestly can't remember the last time I had an entire bad day. And I hope that memory stays distant.

I've been up all day you'd think I'd be ti(red) ... But I'm not. Kinda. I have to work tomorrow too. :/ let me get some sleep.



"Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing." — Camille Pissarro

High, are you?

I'm just laying here and mentally plotting out the next couple months since things have been going smoothly.

Not as fast as I would like it.

But, progress no matter the speed is still progress indeed. I keep getting all the signs, I really have to go after my dreams ( as many as I can make come true ) and I know I create my future as long as I can control my thoughts. Decluttering myself from negativity wasn't as hard as I thought. If you ignore negativity, it tends to go away. Misery love company and if you're a terrible host they'll find a new one. I never been one to host misery so comfortably so that works.

I gave myself a personal deadline. I won't reveal what is supposed to be done by this deadline but just know that's all I'm thinking of. And since you become what you think about, I'll be where I wanna be in no time right?
.. I hope so. Nah, I know so.
It's only a matter of time. This patience shit is tricky but I'm getting the hang of it. I like to remind myself of what I'm waiting for and that the wait is worth it. I just gotta keep myself busy so it doesn't seem so long once the day gets here.

My social life could use a pick me up. I don't really engage in social scenes, not that I don't like to. I just haven't found the time lately. I've been on my hermit shit. But that should change. The holidays coming up. I'm tryna have fun. As the year comes to an end at a weirdly fast pace .. I'm just happy to be alive. Really. I just want to enjoy my life any way I can for as long as I can. And find ways to enjoy it even more. Pursue all my interests and discover new ones. Meet interesting, fun, positive people who are on their own life journey for eternal peace. (Thats all anyone wants anyway, peace of mind right?) I don't ask for much .. I don't rely on anyone to ensure this happiness for me either, I'm fully capable of pleasing myself like I masturbate. Lol, I know what I want, so no one else will take the credit or blame for my actions. Okay now I'm rambling. Ima finish watching Martin and hope I fall asleep before this high fades. Goodnight you.


"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes." — Hugh Downs

Thursday.

I love Thursdays. Idk what it is about it, maybe the Pre-weekend vibes start kicking in, idk. But Thursday always proves to be productive, whether I'm getting a check or just doing some cool shit. I love Thursdays. And even more when the Weeknd dropped that Thursday track which just gave the actual day an anthem. I see I'm not the only one who loves Thursdays lol yesterday it started snowing, idk if its snowing right now because I have yet to look out the window .. I'm not too fond of snow but whatever. First a hurricane, now a snow storm? Yikes. But today is Thursday. And like every day, today will be filled with positive thoughts (THINK GOOD THOUGHTS) and activity that leads to prosperity and joy. That's all that matters anyway.


"The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself." — Oscar Wilde


Oh and a big congratulations to Mr. Obama out savior for another 4 years.
Ball out my nigga.

Nov. 2012

One month and some change left til 2013 .. I'm in a better place mentally. Thank god. Alot of things are falling together quite nicely .. I have stuff I have to attend to.. But overall I'm okay. I honestly mean I'm okay. I'm more than grateful for alot and especially after Hurricane Sandy, more things have gotten clearer in perspective. I just have to remain focused and keep my eye on the target. Smoking weed in the waiting room, since I'll be here for a while .. The wait is definitely worth it. Ooh thanksgiving coming up, can't wait for all the food and herbs I will intake. Lol I do have alot to be thankful for, but that's everyday.