Support.

Like a great bra, Support is everything.

A support system is everything.

Things can progress without one, but with one.. Life is alot smoother. A whole lot smoother.

A support system to secure you don't fall off course. Making sure you're good. A team so united, walking to the moon seems like a walk in the park.

Those who have it are beyond blessed and those who don't spend their lives trying to find or build the right support system.

I used to have a support system. But it wasn't stable, so like most unstable things, it fell apart. Since then my support system is me. I have people that are supportive in my life, but they're just mainly rooting for me. I don't depend on anyone. For some time now, I only count on me. Even if I feel I can trust someone to do something, I still don't count on it. No one is obligated to me and I'm fully aware of this. And no one is gonna take care of you, like you.

It's kinda frustrating and overwhelming at times, I'm aware I can't do everything myself.. But that certainly doesn't stop me from trying every time. I guess I've been let down too many times for my liking.. And the way people act when they do things that's not for them, I pick up on vibes and I can always tell when people feel like they're doing you a favor as opposed to them genuinely wanting to help.

I have this obsession for genuine.

Genuinely, I would love nothing more than a stable support system. Knowing that I can breathe easy because shit is gravy, knowing that I can sleep a little better not needing to stress every little fucking thing that needs to get done. Knowing that I can move a little more forceful knowing I have my system behind me. But I don't.. Yet.

So for now until I build my proper support system, I have to continue to hold me down. And please don't get it confused. I NEVER complain about this. I am more than willing to pull my own weight, even when the load is heavy (which is more than often) .. If anything, I always feel useless if I cant pull my weight.

This drive, this ambition .. All my dreams and goals would be so much easier to obtain if I had more help. But I'm coming to see that I'm not meant to have anything easy. The universe wants me to work harder than I may have worked in my past lives to obtain what I want (I very much believe in reincarnation) and at first, I used to think it was unfair.. But now, I just use that as a fuel. And I'm revved up.

Another thing, acknowledging that I need help in more ways than one was definitely a big step for me. I really am a loner. I tend to keep to myself. So if I need help, I just try to figure it out on my own. I don't think of anyone to help me, I wouldn't even know who to ask for help. Shit.. being real, I don't know how to ask for help.

I swear, I'm so fucking articulate for just about everything, except asking for help. I'm like a band geek trying to ask the head cheerleader to homecoming when it comes to sticking my hand out. It just makes me feel weird. Maybe my ego is bigger than I can admit, but I can't help but to feel weak because I couldn't get what I needed done for me by me and am relying on outside assistance.

I don't know who I think I am. I'm far from superwoman. Maybe I was a man in a past life, my pride is certainly masculine. He strong too. I try to fight him everyday. I'm getting stronger by the day. And I've come to terms that its okay to accept help. I just have to be very careful on who I ask for help. Certain favors are tied to things you definitely don't need to be tied to.

I remember everything when I need to. And as I go on through life.. I remember all the moments I want my future children to experience and feelings that I never want them to endure. Which is why I want to be the best support system they can have, when I birth them.

Of course there are things I could've avoided had I a sturdy support system on me, but then I wouldn't be who I am today. But that still doesn't make me feel any better about the things I've had to endure.. Granted, I've avoided wayyyyyy more things on my own, that would've gotten me caught up like alot of girls my age with no support system. Thanks to my mindset for that.

And with that being said, my mindset will provide me with the proper guidelines to building a stable support system that won't let me down, no matter how hard the wind blows.