Boo hoo, sad story. (drake voice)
I managed to stay sick free for the entire year so I guess I can't complain. I was feeling horrible yesterday and it snowed (I think thats the real reason I got sick.) I popped a pill and drank some tea.. it's working.. For the most part.
Christmas was real nice. I finally had the conversation I've been wanting to have with my mother for years and it went pretty good, I'd say.. Did she fully comprehend what I was saying? I hope so. Only time will tell if she truly heard me out.
New Year's Eve is approaching. And I tryna get as much done as possible before then. I'm on several deadlines I gotta meet. I'm tryna be more punctual. Especially on things I set myself. I tend to get distracted which is why alot of stuff never gets finished. That has to stop.
My funds aren't what I'd like them to be. But I'm making the best of it.. The new year should definitely raise my financial stock. Lord knows I have alot of things to do, and money will make it alot easier. But that soon come. I'm not really as stressed out about money as I used to be. Thank god for that.
Shit may not be happening right on schedule, but shit I'ma make it happen one way or another. I'm not trying to play anymore. I don't have time for that. I always say playtime is over.. But it really is. Idk about everybody else, I'm not concerned with everybody else. I'm not on anyones time. I'm focused on me, working on MY time and I already feel I'm behind schedule. Regardless who feels I'm "ahead" of the game or right where I'm supposed to be. I won't rest until my soul is truly at peace at where I am. And to get there, I have to truly give it my all.
And I'm at a point in my life, why not give it my all? Everything else, I half ass .. Half the time I got it right, I probably guessed. Drake wasn't lying. So when I half assed shit I did more than a decent job, imagine if I give it my ALL .. My ALL nigga? Do you know what that is? No because come to think about it... I never gave anything my all in my entire life. No person, place or thing. I always preserved a piece of me. Idk why, maybe I felt I didn't need to give it my all.. Some of me was enough. Maybe I felt like I wouldn't get all of me back if I threw it all in, so I kept a chunk of me sac(red), hidden deep in a box. Or maybe, I was just sca(red) if I gave it my all and still failed I wouldn't be able to handle that type of mental beat down I'd hand myself.. So my reasoning for failing would be, but I didn't give it my all in the first place .. which spark other curious thoughts. Whatever the reason(s) I now feel I'm strong enough mentally to dive head first .. If I fail, fuck it. I tried. If I succeed .. Yippie for me. And that applies to alot of aspects in my life. I can't complain about the results of my work ethic ( in any aspect ) if I'm not giving it my all. That's like complaining about how slow you're going, but you're barely tapping the gas pedal.. Doesn't make any sense.
Not only was I hesitant to give my all .. At first I couldn't determine what to give my all too.. That's key as well. You can give your all but if you're giving it to the wrong person, place or thing.. You will never get back what you put out.
Now, that I figu(red) who I truly am (for the most part, I'm still evolving) I know what I want to invest my time and my all in. Now I just have to lay the foundations and go for it. Sounds simple right? I wish it were. Lol let me get some sleep. I gotta work in the am. Blah.
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