Tulip.

I feel like I'm on Molly. But I'm not. The high from the blunts and this happy high I've been feeling all day combined makes me feel like I'm on Molly. (I tried it before..the real Molly not the potential tampe(red) edition, I'll share that story one day. Lol It's fake interesting) .. My cheekbones hurt from smiling all day. My face is hot. I feel like I'm floating. Everything surreal.

I write poems.. Lusty poems, to say the least. And I've been drawing out some blueprints for things I can do with these poems.. And blueprints on how to make the first set of blueprints happen. And I'm not one to speak before things happen, so I keep quiet but trust I'm focused. I wanted to perform at an open mic really bad. I'm not a public speaker.. I never really like speaking in front of crowds..
All that attention makes me feel weird..

Anywho, I felt I needed to do this for the following reasons;
-I can grab a different audience through visual and sound.. Not everyone's a reader.
-They can hear it how I wrote it.
- I can finally shake this shy shit I have. Which is annoying.
-I can promote my website, meet cool people and see others through their own crafts.
-I want to feel comfortable speaking in front of crowds, I'll have to present plenty of things in front of crowds soon enough, I might as well familiarize myself with it.

My cousin and I got up and said. Today. And I looked up open mics for the night, due to times and location, I chose a small spot on bleecker. Yippie museum cafe, pretty cool. The open mic was held downstairs.. I'm nervous. I've been nervous since I got off the phone with an employee from the place for confirmation. There's a few people there, mostly guys, mostly rappers.
"you rap?" — No, I write poetry.

I sign up.. I tell him I don't want to go second.. Ford, was the host, cool guy. Even made the spotlight lavender for me. ^_^ he places me fourth..fifth maybe? A little in the middle. Perfect. I go upstairs to "use the restroom" I was already nervous as shit.. Needed Mary to calm me down.

As I'm rolling.. I realize everything going on downstairs can be heard upstairs.. Everybody up here eating and mingling gonna hear me.. Lmao aww man. I get my cousin we head outside to get some 'fresh air'.. Yeah. And I feel anxious, nervous but hype as shit. Finally. I'm gonna read something I wrote to a room full of strangers.. No one is biased because they don't know me. This is their first time hearing this. I was so open. I wonde(red) what they thought of me when they first saw me, and what they thought of me after. Lol I know I'll never know but it's just a thought.

The crowd is nice, energetic, young. Good performances, then I'm up next.

I walk on stage and the lights are being adjusted, a co host is asking me about my poetry and how he does poetry events Small talk.
He hands me the mic ..

He said I saw a tulip and it reminded me of you ..
Pace yourself.. The light is bright but great thing is I can only see shadows, no faces. I can feel vibes. This is cool. I have never done anything like that in my life. Class presentations were rushed except for in college .. But then again I wasn't speaking about how my pussy is being mistaken for Mother Nature and the seven seas. Anyway .. I hear the comments, certain parts they weren't expecting. I had to pause they got so loud. I noticed people coming down stairs.. Guess they like what they were hearing.

I read two poems, Tulip and Psychic..
I said I have another one if you wanna hear it .. And everyone was like Yess, woo, go head girl. Lmaoo it was so cool. They really fucked with it, they were mostly silent hanging on my every word.. I'm still smiling. It's crazy. I finally did it. I felt such a rush. I stumbled twice, but I rolled through it.. I was in a zone where I had full control and none at all. Weirdly amazing. I literally had a standing ovation, watching the footage my cousin got.. I can't stop blushing their response to my performance made me feel so good, I've been dying to see how it would be. And I did. I wanna continue going to random ones.. Spread word through mouth. This was way overdue, and I did it.
This is really the beginning.

If you want to read Tulip, or any other of my poems; LustyinLavender.com

"I am not responsible for any erections I may have caused so yeah don't come to me with that"

lmfaoo I really ended it like that. Ego definitely had to get a word out.

*FunFact; I wrote Tulip sitting under the dryer at the hair salon .. I was doing this writing exercise, where the first word that comes to my mind.. I'll write a poem about it. Thus Tulip.