What for, it varies.
In search of the One, isn't really much of a search for me.. I feel he'll find me when needed, and if he has found me.. He'll step up when needed. I just keep my eyes, ears and soul open. I feel I come across the one for the night, the one for some time.. The one who teaches me a lesson, and the one who is everything but a blessing. I don't sweat it. I don't belittle those "one" they serve their purpose as needed.
I thought I found the one. The actual, One. The one who when pressed up against me we became one instead of two, as the other ones have created in the past. I don't want to be two. I want to be one.
See I'm not looking for a partner. I'm looking for my reflection. The one who when I look up at him he's me in the flesh, our souls connecting making us one.. The reflection in him makes me better which in turn makes him better simultaneously. I love Mirrors by Justin Timberlake so much, he truly knows the essence of 'the one'. That song says it all.
Back to the one though, how do you know when you've found the one? For me, I feel like the connection is well rounded: mental, sexual, spiritual. The one for me is one who I can be me and more. I feel connected and in tuned with his emotions, thoughts.. His touch sparks a fire through out my body that he's the only one who can put it out, and started it up again. I've felt it before. But what determines if he's really the one.. Is how long that feeling lasts.. Like I said some are the one for the night, or some time. It varies. Some aren't the one at all.. They aren't a factor. I don't even bother with those. Once you know yourself, you know who's definitely not the one off first meeting alone.
The recent one I thought was the one.. Let me be completely honest, I still think he might be the one.. But our timing must be wrong if he is, and if he isn't. Time will show me that. I held his hand.. For a long time. And my palms were not sweaty. They were dry as hell. I didn't even realize, one, we were holding hands that long and two, that my palms were fucking dry. I have alot of moisture in my body lol so my palms sweat at the randomest (don't care if that's not a word) times and I hate holding hands because of this. But I let him hold mine. And it threw me for a loop... I already had a nagging suspicion that he could greatly be the one to complete me, and then he pulls this shit on me. Lol I was a little open, confused.. But open. And then a series of events shortly after, confused the shit out of me and closed me up.
I'm far from bitter, I don't let the actions of men turn me off from searching for my one. I don't feel the need to scream all men ain't shit, I don't ever feel the need to "switch teams" my one is out there in the flesh of a man. A real man. And I'm patient enough in this aspect of my life because you can't rush that.. I certainly won't force that. As I become better and greater than I was the day before I know my one is on the same journey.. And our paths will continue to cross (if they haven't already, will cross) when the time is right. And when that day comes, I'll be more than ready to give myself to him as he will to me, and become the one we're meant to be.
In the meantime.. I'll deal with the ones for some time.. The ones who come into my life, to fill whatever needs I have that they feel they can fulfill. But I'm the one that only deals with one. I'm the one who has no problem cutting off one to begin something with someone else. Because I'm the one looking for one, not two, not three, nothing of that multiple nature.
It's funny though, I deal with one at a time, but I know how to refrain from giving my all to that one if I'm not sure if that one is the actual one. Not everyone is understanding of that. Some don't understand that what I need more often than not isn't in form of a "serious relationship" (too much pressure put on that) but just a serious companion with flexibility. And it seems so hard to find, probably because most assume they know what you want based on what everyone else wants, and that's why I haven't found the one or the one hasn't figu(red) out I'm truly the one for him.. Yet.
Hmm..
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