Midnight thoughts.

Idk ..

Idk how I'm supposed to feel, but I feel a plethora of emotions.. So many different things going on, so much I'm trying to do. I just want to make sense of it all. Don't wanna speak too soon, don't want to address it too late. It's crazy, life is crazy.. Love it though.. All I have in a sense. I'm feeling godly like as well. I really feel my aura is growing as well as glowing and I'm making my proper moves taking my time and doing what I need to do as far as handling things that are in my control... Still tryna to gain more control of things, but I'm pacing myself. Don't want to overwhelm myself by trying to do too much as I have in the past, I'm taking my time. 

I really believe in everything I want to do. And I really believe in it so much.. No one can stray me off course. A few people claim they believe in me, but I don't believe it. Its one thing to root for me, but to truly believe in me, means helping me, guiding me towards that in anyway you can.. thats what it means to me to truly believe in someone. I don't expect anyone to help me achieve this. That's why I'm moving on my own time at my own pace. It'll be soon before long when it pays off. I am enjoying this. 

I mean I'm barely getting started but I can't belittle the fact that I am making things happen, I'm doing more than I was this time last year. 

Progress baby, progress. 

I'm proud of myself.. I could've been broken by several things that have been tossed my way in the last year.. But it barely left a crack. I'm stronger than I realize. And I have my desires to thank for that. They've been awoken and they not taking anything I've allowed to silence them in the past. 

And I couldn't be happier, cause quite frankly I was sick of that shit. Sick of the panic attacks and fake smiles, sick of crying in the shower and not knowing why, sick of being average when I know I'm far from it. Sick of the box I created for myself because I was terrified of my potential. I was sick of being sick. 

Today, right this moment.. I'm healthy as hell. I am happy. I really come a long way, despite the fact that I have a longer road ahead I'm just happy that I'm in the mental state where I won't stop, and if I do it's just to sniff the flowers. It's crazy. I'm crying. Happy tears, for once Lol my body feels so weird. I'm just amazed at how honest I am without even trying. I really know who I am. I know me so well, I really have no limits. 

Shit is real. 

I am at a point where I can see this shit coming like I have binoculars (drake voice) I am a prophet.. I'm always right even when I don't want to be. Scary. But fuck atleast I know. And the more you know, the more you grow .. I'm all about that. I'm really unstoppable. 

I let people sleep on me .. Deep sleep. But once I ring that alarm, I'll keep them up for nights at a time wondering how the fuck I did it, how the fuck I'm still doing it and why the fuck hasn't anyone stopped me. Lmaoo it's crazy, its gonna be so true. They been sleeping on me so long, I even tucked them in, even pressed the snooze button a few times. But it's for the best. I'll play under the radar, but I will always be over your head.