Where do I go if I'm not in real world time? My mind takes me everywhere and back around again, every trip different then the last.. Some trips longer than others. It's very easy to get caught up in my mind, and I've been dealing with it my entire life, I get dizzy sometimes but I never lose grip. I learned early on to hold tight during these rides.
So much consumes my mind I have yet to even cover a fourth of what lies up here. I've been getting better at organization, finally. Minimizing bad habits one step at a time. I feel the changes .. The progression is certainly unfolding quite nicely.
I'm too hard on myself, like really hard. I don't cut myself any slack.. But I feel if I do I'll fall behind. I terrorize myself and pick at every piece of everything I do like an irritating scab. My indecisiveness after a decision is borderline annoying. Why do I purposely torture myself? Nothing is enough, or completely right. I cut people way more slack than I do myself. I'm not in control of their actions, only my own. I stare in the mirror sometimes and have full arguments/motivational conversations. I have to look at me so I know I'm serious. Lol I'm the only one who knows the depths of each desire and the ignition for the fire in my eyes and ill be damned if I let myself down. And fuck it, talking to my reflection keeps me sane.
What I call sane.. Anyway.
These past few weeks have been interesting to say the least.. And I just got a nagging suspicion it's gonna get even more interesting. We'll see..
I'm pretty sure of myself, my thoughts and intentions for the most part, I'm really grateful for that.. I remember when I wasn't sure what was up or down. What I'm unsure of, is what to do with it all; I'm getting close to figuring it out. I'm at like 60/100 ..
Trying to stay level headed as I leap over these hurdles. And shit realer than ever.
Training still in session.
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