Ego

Ego relates to self-esteem but it comes from within, how important you feel you are. Just because you feel important doesn't mean you are .. Remember that. And by that I mean, just because you view yourself as important.. Everyone you encounter may not feel that way. That's fine too. That's what your ego will tell you, you feel you're important and that's all that matters.

Everyone has an ego, some bigger than others .. Men's ego comes equipped with their balls. Even the humblest man has an ego. An ego that will make him appear standoffish if his ego is offended. But a man is "supposed" to have an ego. Men so sure of themselves and what they do, who they are. Amazing. Borderline assholes sometimes, but god do we respect them.

Women. We're weak. Dumb .. Emotional. We need men to wise us up and help us, provide for us. All we know is love and care. Nothing else. This was the mindset for many years and years. The term Damsel in distress came about. Women who are weak lying in a ditch or train tracks waiting for a man to come save them just as the train arrives.. Saving the day. What a fucking hero.. Good for his ego, saving women and shit. Some women were really in distress and some got hip to game .. The smarter women realized that playing dumb and weak could get them farther in life if they played their cards right .. Some didn't want to be outcasted for being smarter or stronger than they may have appea(red) to be so they stood silent.

And some had the ego of a man. And those women were the ones who changed the world. But that was then..

Today, most women are very egotistical.. So much to prove, to ourselves and men. Still a mans world we just got our own drawer in their nightstand, our section in their bathrooms.. Making our presence felt. But that's neither here nor there..

A woman with the ego of a man is more of a curse than a gift. I know this all too well. I've been blessed with this curse. I say blessed because my man like ego has prevented me from making some mistakes; but a curse in the sense it has prevented me from progressing in certain things.. Even with certain people. Men included. It's crazy, I'm prideful like a motherfucker. My backbone is made of steel or so it seems.

Crazy shit is Idk how shit supposed to work.. How can I use it to my advantage more often than having it as disadvantage. I feel alot of my hard headed ways stem from my ego. Clearly. Only logical explanation. I'm constantly asking myself, who the fuck you think you are? (in regards to situations where clearly ego chose to navigate me through) and my ego responds bitch, I'm Cristina. Lol and I shrug it off.

But due to my ego, I really carry myself differently than other females around my age range 18-25. Like I previously stated (probably multiple times) I don't compare myself to people.. But I do notice during observations the similarities and differences between I and those I'm observing. A lot of females don't have morals, and the wrong ego. We're at the age where our priorities include providing for ourselves.. maybe children, educating ourselves and building our foundation for the rest of our lives. But it seems a good half are just looking for come-ups. plotting grand schemes to catch a ball player, a rapper, a king pin drug lord, doctors.. any man with a large income. Playing damsel in distress, and nothing strokes a mans ego than throwing on a cape and saving a damsel in distress.. And these women hoping they can catch them a man who provide, give them everything they need, and yes! They don't care that they have to depend ONLY on their new found man to live, shit thanks to his pockets they gonna live it upp.. This what they been waiting for, this what they been training for.. Now they gotta get pregnant to seal the deal. Again, I don't judge but for me, and my ego. That shit don't rock.

It's hard for me to dumb myself down for others. I hate that people assume I'm stupid until I speak, and then it's like oh shit.. You're not an airhead, wowzers. -_- that shit used to really bother my ego.
Now, not so much.. I now know I don't have to prove my intelligence to anyone and anyone with intellect won't write me off as dumb based on my gender and appearance. It's hard for me to play damsel in distress, really hard.. I don't even mean acting.. I mean even in danger, I don't cry out for help.. Til this day, Idk why I'm so hung up on trying to do everything myself. That ego man. I could be drowning and instead of screaming for help, I'll try to regulate my breathing and swim to shore. And I can't get rid of the ego.. Can I? No seriously can I? Can I live with no ego? How would life be? Would it be easier or would I feel like I fell right into a modern day twilight zone?

Imagine me, playing damsel in distress.. Playing the game with the wrong ego behind me, stringing men along for my convenience, scamming them while stroking their ego to get ahead, prospering off their hard work and skipping through life with my thumb in my mouth. Telling myself, its all good im entitled to allll their shit. Yeah.. One, that's definitely bad karma. Two, my man ego won't allow me to leech off a nigga, act weaker than I am .. playing dumb for his ego is disrespect to my ego.. Like we not equals, I'm too prideful for that. You don't need a man to live, if anything a man need you to grow. You can hold your own til your king come claim his throne. (Ego talk) sure if I took that route I'd be where I want to be in no time.. But that's not quite the journey I have in mind. That route just don't sit well .. Mind, ego and soul agree.

I mean I fuck with my ego, he's been good to me when he wants.. He doesn't allow me to settle or tolerate any bullshit I know I'm really not with. Doesn't allow fake or phony to prosper around me. But he holds me back from certain things I know for a fact, without an ego.. I'd dive head first.. idk if its for my own good or for his sake .. Imagine that? My ego sca(red) of being bruised? Nah he's got a few scars, but it seems that no matter how few and far in between he gets bruised he still the same him. Can him and my mind coexist peacefully.. They tend to go at it sometimes.. It's weird. But I guess it's what makes me, me.

Eh just a thought.

Back to reality.

Where do I go if I'm not in real world time? My mind takes me everywhere and back around again, every trip different then the last.. Some trips longer than others. It's very easy to get caught up in my mind, and I've been dealing with it my entire life, I get dizzy sometimes but I never lose grip. I learned early on to hold tight during these rides.

So much consumes my mind I have yet to even cover a fourth of what lies up here. I've been getting better at organization, finally. Minimizing bad habits one step at a time. I feel the changes .. The progression is certainly unfolding quite nicely.

I'm too hard on myself, like really hard. I don't cut myself any slack.. But I feel if I do I'll fall behind. I terrorize myself and pick at every piece of everything I do like an irritating scab. My indecisiveness after a decision is borderline annoying. Why do I purposely torture myself? Nothing is enough, or completely right. I cut people way more slack than I do myself. I'm not in control of their actions, only my own. I stare in the mirror sometimes and have full arguments/motivational conversations. I have to look at me so I know I'm serious. Lol I'm the only one who knows the depths of each desire and the ignition for the fire in my eyes and ill be damned if I let myself down. And fuck it, talking to my reflection keeps me sane.

What I call sane.. Anyway.

These past few weeks have been interesting to say the least.. And I just got a nagging suspicion it's gonna get even more interesting. We'll see..

I'm pretty sure of myself, my thoughts and intentions for the most part, I'm really grateful for that.. I remember when I wasn't sure what was up or down. What I'm unsure of, is what to do with it all; I'm getting close to figuring it out. I'm at like 60/100 ..

Trying to stay level headed as I leap over these hurdles. And shit realer than ever.

Training still in session.

Self.

Sense of self.. Vs. full of shit.

Tread carefully.
It's one thing to be aware of self and own self accountability with pride .. But to make excuses for your actions although you're aware you're making the wrong moves isn't smart. You're full of shit.

I often step out of myself and take a look at me .. And really observe my actions, my words.. They after all are the only way people on the outside can peek into my mind, I do this often so I make sure I'm on point. I notice how I treat people and how I react to the treatment I receive from others. And I just like to stick to my moral views on treating others how I like to be treated.

But in honesty, sometimes I don't. Sometimes, I don't realize I'm this horrible bitch to some, I don't realize that my playful manner is leading someone on. I don't realize neglect on my part til it's a little deep into it .. I don't realize that I'm offensive at times. I don't realize when the shoe is on the other foot, sometimes I may be unaware of peoples true intentions.. But the beauty of all this is when I do realize it, no matter how far into these oblivious problems.. Once I identify them, I do my best to set shit straight.

I know I'm not perfect and I'm not done making mistakes.. But I just don't want to be full of shit, not aware of me and my actions .. I don't want to repeat mistakes, learning from each one, learning how to avoid similar obstacles is just as vital as everything else you need to know in life.. Or maybe that's just me.

I always watch what I say, you never know who listening. Wouldn't want to get caught up in some shit I said when I wasn't aware .. So I make sure I'm always listening. I don't say anything I don't want repeated. I don't say anything I'm ashamed of.. Everything I say I mean, and I mean what I say .. I don't take back anything I've ever said, to anyone. It really baffles me that some people babble on and on but are quick to retract statements, views, opinions. Not saying there's anything wrong with changing your mind, we're more than entitled to do so. But to switch views as quick as day turns into night, just hold off from speaking so much. Do yourself a favor.

Speaking of favors, I need to do myself a few. Positive thoughts all the way through.


Ramble+revelation = Ramblations

Epictetus

How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself and in no instance bypass the discriminations of reason?

You have been given the principles that you ought to endorse, and you have endorsed them.

What kind of teacher, then, are you still waiting for in order to refer your self-improvement to him?

You are no longer a boy, but a full-grown man. If you are careless and lazy now and keep putting things off and always deferring the day after which you will attend to yourself, you will not notice that you are making no progress, but you will live and die as someone quite ordinary.

From now on, then, resolve to live as a grown-up who is making progress, and make whatever you think best a law that you never set aside.

And whenever you encounter anything that is difficult or pleasurable, or highly or lowly regarded, remember that the contest is now: you are at the Olympic Games, you cannot wait any longer, and that your progress is wrecked or preserved by a single day and a single event.

That is how Socrates fulfilled himself by attending to nothing except reason in everything he encounte(red). And you, although you are not yet a Socrates, should live as someone who at least wants to be a Socrates.

Practice then from the start to say to every harsh impression,

"You are an impression, and not at all the thing you appear to be."

Then examine it and test it by these rules you have, and firstly, and chiefly, by this: whether the impression has to do with the things that are up to us, or those that are not; and if it has to do with the things that are not up to us, be ready to reply,
"It is nothing to me."

We will not be troubled at any loss, but will say to ourselves on such an occasion:
"I have lost nothing that belongs to me; it was not something of mine that was torn from me, but something that was not in my power has left me."

Nothing beyond the use of our opinion is properly ours. Every possession rests on opinion. What is to cry and to weep? An opinion. What is misfortune, or a quarrel, or a complaint? All these things are opinions; opinions founded on the delusion that what is not subject to our own choice can be either good or evil, which it cannot.

By rejecting these opinions, and seeking good and evil in the power of choice alone, we may confidently achieve peace of mind in every condition of life.

Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself.


Wise words from an OG.

Knowing.

You think you know, but you have no idea.
Word to MTV Diary. (They should bring that back, cool show.)

We as humans like to believe whatever we feel we know is in fact accurate. But that's not always the case. From finding out Santa's fake to the imaginary toothfairy, Easter bunny etc.. Our sense of truth has been alte(red) several times as kids. What we thought we knew, was just a carefully placed mirage.. But it didn't stop there. There's plenty of things as you got older you thought you knew and come to find out, it's pure bullshit. It's like a never ending cycle.

So what do we really know?

We only know what we get told, but we can't always go by what we're told. And what about what's not told to us, if that's in fact the truth.. Why aren't we exposed to it? Why are we forced to dig, search and pry the truth from the tight grip of those who try to conceal it? Why do others feel they have this authority over what truths should you be exposed to and which ones should be kept hidden? Who the fuck died and made you responsible for what I'm allowed to believe, hear, see, "know"? I just want to know.

We really don't know shit.
Even when you think you know, you don't. And if you do.. A simple turn of events can alter that with the quickness.

You can swear up and down there's a pizza shop on the corner, you know this. It's been there your entire life.. And you get to the corner, the pizza shop is gone. A barbershop is now in place of that pizza shop you were about to bet on your life was still existent. Now you have no idea what happened to the pizza shop or when did it close down. You don't know. Just 5 minutes ago... You were so sure.

Life is truly like that.
Unless you live in a bubble, your entire life is spent figuring out false truths and stumbling upon the real deal. So many different variations of truth and perception, what makes it true? Did you see this with your own eyes? Are you certain your eyes weren't playing tricks on you? Sure you weren't delusional? Did you hear this correctly? How valid are your sources? .. And even still.. You don't really know, even if you feel you know.

People.
You either know someone, or know of them.. You know what they tell you .. And what's said of them by others around them. You know what you see of this person when you're with them, but don't know of what they do when you're not around.. you don't know everything.

Nobody knows everything.
Nobody knows nobody.

That, we know for certain.
We know what we don't know.. What we know is still iffy. Some may say.. Fuck you, I know what I'm talking about, I know this and that. Blah.. Blah.. Blah.
We only know moments. And math.

I hate math. Hate it with the intensity of a thousand suns. Unless its a $ in front. I don't care for math. But in life, our math equations aren't always numbers, but life variables. And that's how we conclude what we know. What adds up and what doesn't. If you do life math on a problem and the solution isn't adding up to what you're told, you're missing a variable.. Meaning something you don't know. Something you're not being told. And when it does add up right, you know.

Because knowing is double checking everything. Knowing is learning. Knowing is a feeling. And KNOWING that can change. What you used to know, isn't as valuable as what you know today. But you wouldn't be here today if it weren't for what you learned yesterday. Through trials and tribulations you make your own truth, your own sense of knowledge.. That you build throughout time. And finally rid yourself of those tainted truth smoothies forced down your throat by those around you. They used to taste good, but that bitter aftertaste always told you something aint right. Those wanting to control you by altering your sense of judgment and logic with their versions of truth and knowledge.

Intuition. That's knowing at its rawest. To feel one way and everything/one else trying to sway you another way only proves we know what's best for us. That gut feeling isn't to be igno(red) and when it is. We suffer greatly.. We feel betrayed by following outsiders words when in reality.. We betrayed ourselves, we knew. Deep down inside we knew. And we igno(red) it. Instead of listening to our intuitive feeling we chose to listen to others and their lullaby lies... Putting us to sleep. From the truth.

In a world where technology is so advanced and everything/one isn't what it seems, mirages everywhere.. Lies travel faster than the speed of light.. How can we know, what we know is even real? I guess this where trust comes into play. But trusting comes from being intuitive.. Feeling like you can trust a person or a situation to be what they appear, no hidden agenda or motives. Trusting that the knowledge you have now will only expand and grow as you feed and nurture what you know, who you know.

The day we stop learning, is the day we stop knowing.

Variant: When it is not in our power to follow what is true, we ought to follow what is most probable. —Descartes

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. —Confucius

It is impossible to begin to learn that which one thinks one already knows. —Epictetus

One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing. —Socrates

Late night thoughts.

Will I ever get ti(red) of writing?

Like asking will I ever get ti(red) of thinking .. Probably not.

I have this thing where I truly feel I'm gonna have Alzheimer's disease and I want everything to be recorded. I pray I don't. If I do, I can read my words with different eyes.. Finally free of my self-conscious thoughts, and actually see myself the way a stranger who reads my words do.

In the event I don't. May the youth and even the elderly use my words to ignite a fire inside them, or to come out with several realizations within themselves after reading anything I've ever written. Whether its a blog post, my poems, short stories, thoughts...
.. my ramblations, which is really everything I write. I'm always rambling. Only after I'm done do I really see the gems I plugged in my words. And I wouldn't have it any other way. It's pure and raw. And I don't excuse myself. No one has to read anything I write, but if you do .. I pray you take something more than a revised view of me. Hope that my vague like depth of thinking inspires deep thoughts of your own.

As long as I can pick up a pen or type words I will always write how I feel, what I'm thinking .. Recap events, plot grand plans. I love that even long after I'm gone, even if I go forgotten .. Which I highly doubt. My words will keep me alive. My words will linger in your thoughts and my spirit will be as present as the reader. For that's forever. To be relevant and thought of long after your bones disintegrated in your coffin.. And that's all I really want. In the afterlife I'll feel my existence wasn't a complete waste no matter what I've accomplished by then. Because who cares about your accomplishments when you're dead and gone.. You spend more time dead than alive. If you think about it. And the legacy you leave behind isn't always what you would imagine it to be, depending on the life you lived.

People can misconstrue your actions and accomplishments/failures but your words are printed by you.. That can't be taken away from you. Sure it may be taken out of context, it might offend.. It might inspire. As long as it provokes something. You've done great. Atleast I think so.

All I ever want out of this life, is successful bliss .. And as I endure this, make it my own and make it last.. Won't be long til I'm in a position where I can help others find successful bliss as well; we all deserve to be happy and living as such .. I just want to help in anyway I can without seeming overbearing, a know it all or too perfect .. This saint with her sinner stripes accepts her flaws.. As we all should. Relaying messages I find useful and motivating to those who don't know, those who could use a pick me up and those who need reminders. So easy to forget. So easy to get distracted by life's crazy charades. There's a bigger picture. You might be too low to see the view .. Or your angle isn't right. Either way, the bigger picture is what matters.. And if you don't like the picture you're viewing. Feel free to paint a new one..

Feeling. And freedom.
To feel and be free to feel is truly great.
That's why I write. I feel free when I'm writing. I can better assess situations and emotions when I write. The feeling I feel inside when I go off on paper is so liberating, and no one walking on earth can take that from me.
Bless the first amendment.

We all feel. And if my words can help you gain insight to your feelings and advance/expand your thought process, I'm truly content. I have so many passions, each and every one has stemmed from writing. Writing things down, jotting things in my notes app, keeping journals (many unsuccessfully RiP..) blogging, tweeting, texting even. Just seeing my thoughts unravel on paper/screen helps me put so much into perspective.
Really one of my favorite outlets.

Another is playing therapist.. And I am able to do that because I write. My extensive vocabulary and advanced level of comprehension, allows me to word things so well.. I understand without judging, I provide insight without imposing my own views on to you.. I can express concerns without belittling your character or bashing your choice in judgment or action. I am able to step outside of myself and kinda become one with you.. Even if for the moment.

Because writing has allowed me to get so in tuned with myself.. I can help those who haven't gotten there .. Get there, without writing.

Everyone isn't as fond of writing as I am, I accept it.

But everyone is fond of understanding. I do it so well...

And I thank literature, for touching my soul time and time again.. And sparking that insatiable urge to write. And I'll continue to write..
And share when the time calls for it.

Shit real.

As always.

It's so much I want to discuss, when the time right of course.

It's all about timing.

Completing puzzles and continue to work. I've been in a little daze kinda. I always feel I'm in autopilot.. My mind gets ahead of me way too often for my liking. I'm focusing on controlling that without losing my train of thoughts in the process. I've gone into isolation again. Not intentional .. As always. But I need this. Dealing with life's obstacles and my mind wars can be overwhelming. I try to relax, and meditate frequently. Keep reminding myself of what I know, what I need to learn .. And how to continue applying it to my everyday life. It's so easy to get distracted. Trust, I know. But distractions only prolong your journey. And I'm not trying to prolong this any longer.. Keeping my eye on the targets is certainly helping. I'm not easily swayed by things, events or people that aren't for the cause. So I don't pay anything that isn't progressing my goals and ideas any mind.

Spring training still in effect.

How to have a Lovely day..

In 10 easy steps.

1. Smile at strangers.

2. Slow down.

3. Say Thank You.

4. Give lots of compliments.

5. Dress nicely.

6. Wear Perfume. (cologne - men)

7. Observe & Listen.*

8. Be Charming.

9. Laugh.

10. Wish people a lovely day.

Simple as that folks.

Ramblations II

When I'm not talking to myself, I'm talking to my friends and our conversations range from anything under the dirt to over the sun. I love how deep we can get into these conversations; we value each others input while respecting our differences in views and opinions.

This one topic; Everybody got somebody. Got my thinking..

Is anybody really single? And if you are, are you stupid for being single in a society where "everybody got somebody"?

First let me elaborate on "everybody got somebody" .. Everybody approaches you like they're single, but they either have a lingering ex, a couple joints, maybe someone they want to take serious, but it hasn't gotten that far yet so they're keeping their options open type of shit. Both males and females are guilty of this. I've witnessed this myself plenty of occasions. You got guys selling single life dreams and proof of otherwise secretly popping up.. You got females who haven't gotten over their ex but trying to test the waters to see if the tide is better or wetter on the other side.

Compatibility > Convenience .. In my eyes, but to many it's quite the opposite. Compatibility means nothing where convenience is involved. If its convenient, majority gonna fuck with it.. And alot of tangled webs of deceptions are often webbed with the lazy strings of convenience. If compatibility was really a factor. Many wouldn't be fake single. They'll be really single or in a real relationship.. One that's more visible than not.

Honestly, I think there's this fear of rejection or "sca(red) of being lonely" syndrome that many endure which is why this whole "everybody got somebody" topic is so relevant. It's like keeping one door ajar while you knocking on the next door. Close the door behind you. And if you don't feel you want to, why try to enter new grounds? Selfish or just plain greedy. But I feel it's very cruel to play with emotions of others. To portray a set of emotions as if this person is the only one you're feeling this for, yet .. You still fucking with ya ex.. Or have a few "joints" lingering around.

To some, this is normal.. Regular shit. Helll yeah I'm keeping my options open, can't trust these niggas, can't trust these hoes. But how far can this go? How can you really expect anything serious coming from half.. Or even a quarter of your effort. Alot of connections get disconnected because there's a lack of honesty and straight forwardness with people. Be upfront with what you want, let me know what it is.. And what it isn't.
Stop playing games.
Unless you trying to play..
In that case play on..
Just let it be known you playing.

I'm single. I'm not lingering with no ex, no joints I can call when I'm bo(red).. I mean I can but I close doors for a reason. Not a big fan of back stepping. Maybe the reason that I don't mind being alone is why I can exclude myself from the whole "Everybody got somebody" circle.. But although I can exclude myself, many don't. Guys never believe me, I'm too pretty to not have someone they say.. Smh sad. And then my secretive personality doesn't help that. So they tend to hold back because they think I'm not as involved as they would like me to be. But, you're not even really single. So why you trying to check me?

With that in mind, a guy tells me he single, I assume he's lying. He has somebody. I let it rock. Most men can't really be alone. I don't use that against him, and I don't worry about what he does or who he's with.. When I'm not with him. I'll act accordingly.

But it's just ugly when you would like to be serious with someone and you're ready to be all in, and the other is scrambling to cut ties.. And in the mist of cutting ties (some may be easier to cut than others) the tougher ties to cut will cause problems with what you're trying to build over here. that's not fair. Of course overcoming problems is key in discovering how compatible you and someone are, but so early on can really rock the boat.. Depending on a series of variables. It's just messy.. I don't like messy situations.

I can go on all day with this.. But is anybody really single? Like single all around? And even if you don't feel single all the way around.. Whoever you feel you're feeling like you're in a relationship with, whether its sexual, mental, spiritual etc.. Is the feeling mutual, or top secret? Should you express it or repress it in hopes it goes away? In fear of rejection? If everybody got somebody and you have nobody, like me.. How the fuck you supposed to find someone? Lol I suppose life knows when and who .. We just gotta wait it out huh?

Eh.. Just a thought.

Images of women; The Sex Object.

I was walking down the street.. And in a range of 3 blocks, I passed a good 20 men. I had to laugh when the men traffic passed.. its funny to me how they ALL made googly eyes, bit their lips.. even mutte(red) a word or two despite my visible headphones in my ears. One of the last men passing saw me laughing and smirking .. he said yeah girl they feeling you.. Don't even get me started on the harassment I've endu(red) since I hit puberty. But apparently I'm sexually attractive.

I don't think every man that sees me is attracted to me.. Do majority wanna fuck me? Maybe.. If they give me that eye, I know for certain. That looks solidifies that in that moment, I became the sexual object of the beholder eyes.

The Sexual object.

I don't consider myself sexy. Or an object. Actually, it kinda irks me when guys call me that. I don't make a big fuss about it like I do when you add an H in my name, but I cringe at the sound of it. Despite my lack of self-sexiness. Guys seem to really think I am. The remarks that I've heard.. The change in their movements at the sight of my presence... If I were to go by how majority of men that I come in contact with (non family/friend related) act, I would think I'm Top 100 sexiest, number 1 spot for Maxim.. Lmfao.
But I don't. No amount of attention could give me a big head. Most of the attention is sexual anyway. I do fine with out. It's kinda annoying after while.. compliments start to sound repetitive, despite the change in voices.. Let me not digress.

I wouldn't say men degrade women, over exploit.. Maybe a better fit. But straight men love them some women. They see us as their magic machine. Sexual beast, child bearer, chef and maid all in one. Sexual beast is definitely what they scout for first.. Now a days. I guess anybody can make a great wife but not many can make a great freak. Or you gotta find the right freak for you.

We live in a world that's run by sex.

Some people put those who they're sexually connected with above those that aren't sexually connected with them.
I won't even get into that.

Men that cheat, have these sexual urges they can't seem to get fulfilled at home. Maybe they do, and are just greedy. But 9/10 men cheat because their women are planking during backshots. Alot of wives lose their sexual object luster they once owned and their men stray because of it. Not blaming the woman, but these are real factors.

The only time you should become a sexual object .. Is during sexual intercourse, own that inner sexual goddess buried within.. hidden under all that class. You and your man deserve it.

In a professional setting you have to be more than the sex object. You have to stand on your two feet and prove to every man in that setting that you are more than a pretty face, more than a beautiful body. Your words deserve more thought than how quick your underwear comes off, is she even wearing underwear? shouldn't be the only question a man thinks after you're done speaking. (Unless he's a dickhead who doesn't listen to women when they speak because in his eyes, we're not equals.. Fuck that guy. Not literally of course). You should be able to seduce the shit out of a crowd with your words, that's sexy as shit... It's more than just your looks. Your looks are a plus.

In today's society, women are now more than ever nothing but sex objects. Mainly due to the fact half of these men don't care what we have to say, but spend hours stalking our instagrams and sexually hounding us in person. Women who use their sex appeal and brand it to break bread are well respected. I know it's not easy. It's a world where some men are so loose with their mouth with what they want to do with yours. In a world, where in the wrong place, at the wrong time; you might get felt up on and never know who was touching you. The comments from men who will never see you in real life, professing how they'll eat that ass from the back no strings attached. Men who view you as a sex object and solely that.. Same men who get upset when you're not that sex object they portrayed you out to be. And then there's the women who are exactly that.. And nothing more. Who keep proving these men and their ridiculous views (to us women beyond the sex object) of women. How can we really blame them, our own are feeding their ammunition.

A perfect video to illustrates the sex object would be Bitch Bad by Lupe Fiasco. That video was beautifully directed. And captu(red) the true essence of today's society and especially the women's role as a sexual object.

Some women, were born sex objects.. Their entire lives they've received attention due to pre-puberty growth or overly complimented on how pretty they were. They allowed these outside opinions consume them, so they made sure they became what they wanted to keep hearing everyday. Not even sure why did the approval of strangers made them feel so good.. So shallow, sca(red) to dig deep. So miss bad bitch at the age of 16 strutting her stuff and entertaining anyone who pays her mind.. She ain't have a mind of her own. And boom 5 years later.. 21 pregnant with baby #2 baby #1 hasn't seen mommy in a week.. But see grandma everyday. Daddy who? Mommy still a bad bitch though .. Although no one else think so. Anymore. She's lost.

Some women become sex objects..
Plain Jane, ugly duckling.. Weirdo. Whatever the reason. This girl didn't get sexual attention, so instead she focused on herself... From the inside. She knows hobbies, dreams, goals .. Everything she ever wanna own. Learning everything she wanna know. And that girl is usually so beautiful within, that her outer appearance radiates because of this. If the girl was pretty, now she's beautiful. If she was beautiful, she's now gorgeous. And it's something sexually enticing about a woman who knows exactly who she is and where's she's going .. I was once told. By a man.

As a woman, I feel you can viewed a sex object in a positive way, or a negative way. Depending on your mind frame and how you carry yourself. Depending on your goals .. You can either drown in the sex object role .. Or prosper from it and become bigger than the sex object and become a Goddess in everything you do.

"A goddess is a woman who emerges from deep within herself. She has honestly explored her darkness & learned to celebrate her light." - Unknown.

Fool.

Hello April.

Well, well well. Idk.

Spring is here. Thankfully the change of weather should be an extra boost in my moods. Mother Nature a funny bitch too. Smh she played a real nice joke on me. Anywho, planning for the month ahead. I have a little more time on my hands and I have to make real good use of it. Everything happening for whatever reason I just gotta make sure I'm on point at all times. I'm in training. Go hard or go home.

Speaking of training.. Gotta go.