Package.

A package, a group of objects wrapped in paper, plastic or in a box.

People are packages, group of objects (characteristics, mannerisms, all emotional qualities, what we can bring to the table, blah blah) that are wrapped by us, beneath our skin lies the content of the package. How we wrap our packages also has a big factor in what's in the package.. We dress our packages with what we want to project to the world as we're being shipped to our destination. What we feel best represents our contents. Or so we should.. 

Some like to wrap their packages using their own contents, what you see is what you get. Some like to use certain "wrapping" to attract a certain type of attention, disregarding the contents in their package, they feel that's not good enough for the wrapping. Some like to disguise their packages. 

What you see isn't always what you get. 

You might stumble upon a beautiful package, so appealing and intriguing, buy it and rip the wrappings just to uncover a disappointing package.. The wrapping was the best part. Its barely anything there. And you might overlook the plain brown package in the corner with all the gems inside.. It happens everyday.

But the psychological truth is people are, by nature intrigued by appearance, what we can see, what we can not see counts for nothing. So we judge what we see, we base our opinions and thoughts, how we move, on what we see. 

But what are you really seeing? 

All these packages, you don't have time to look through all of them, so you judge the wrapping.. Right? Right. But many judge the wrapping in the wrong way. You could see two packages, both equally appealing .. One of them is lying. One of those packages is a decoy, the wrapping is just a deflection from the actual content that lies inside. A trap set to intrigue you when in reality, if the package was transparent.. you wouldn't have bothe(red) at all. So how can you tell, without unwrapping it? You won't know until you open the package right? 

..Is there a way to kinda obtain X-ray vision in a sense without having to unwrap a package? Yes. 

It's called paying attention to the delivery. 

How we deliver ourselves, says way more about who we truly are, than any custom wrapping could.

See like I said, we're all packages. We're all being shipped somewhere, we make pit stops along our journey and we're gonna come across people who are interested in what we're packing. Some for the wrong reasons, often, we don't know it's wrong until after we've let them inside. You gotta protect your package. Can't let people tamper with it or damage it before you get to where you're meant to be. Some might mishandle your package because they didn't read the labels properly, or you weren't specific enough with care instructions. Either way, you have to be able to keep your package intact.

You may place your package in the hands of others from time to time, but you ultimately are responsible for the delivery.

You are your package, you know all the contents within. To let someone wrap your package for you, to allow outsiders to dictate how you wrap yourself, is an abomination to who you truly are.. To feel the need to display all your contents on your wrappings, just tells me you don't have much to offer anyway.. To conceal your contents tells me you value it so much you only want the truly worthy to uncover you.. Those that sense the contents despite your repellant wrappings.

When the contents within a package are amazing in every way, you may want to shout it everywhere you go.. 'Look at me and my great self.. I'm well on my way... Yayyyyy!' But you might pick up some stragglers that way, you might catch the eyes of the envious who at all cost will try to divert you from your path. You might get distracted and caught up cause a few praised you better than you, they see the gems in your package. You can hardly contain your excitement. I know. 

Fight that urge to reveal yourself entirely. 

Yes you're great. Yes, you are the complete package.

No. You don't have to advertise your package or your delivery, just deliver. 

In hyping your package you, yourself may get hype .. Don't believe the hype. 

If you're content with your contents, there's no need get overwhelmed when others don't see it, your content is obviously not meant for them.. no matter how you try to wrap your package, once it's off, you are who you are. No wrapping will ever change how people feel if who you are isn't meant for them. Keep that in mind, as well as being aware of your wrappings.. 

If you choose to be selective in revealing your contents, wrap yourself in the vaguest form of your content. Let your wrappings still be you, even if a piece. Some wrappings will have your package drifting towards a different lane, something you gotta keep an eye on. People will assume by your wrappings they know where you belong, and try to push you there.. Imagine if that happened with the wrong wrapping?.. Seems like the easiest way to get lost to me.

The mission is to stay on track. 

Your destination awaits.

Although there's always more than meets the eye, we have to keep an eye out for signs that comes with packages, the labels we come with aren't the labels many read, material labels mean nothing. The packaging labels are vivid and clear indicators of the type of package we're dealing with. Act accordingly. The labels aren't always in words, peep the signs. You don't want to uncover a package and get stuck with its horrible contents all because you refused to acknowledge the signs on the package. 

Be aware. 

Don't underestimate a package, all while not putting too much praise in the wrappings, no matter how appealing it might be. The wrappings come off. 

The content is what matters. 

The content is the only thing that matters. 

Wrappings are disposable, replaceable. They're just hold the valuables together til it's time to be opened.. If many paid as much attention to the contents of their package rather than how they wrap it, we wouldn't need wrapping. We would all be the brown package on our way, some with stickers if we're feeling creative. Definitely clear labels. Quicker deliveries.

Think of people around you as packages, especially those whose content you're somewhat familiar with, look at their content, then, look at their wrappings... Notice something? 

I would hope so.

Initiative.

Multiple variations when defining that word but overall it means the ability to step up and take control. 

Many don't take initiative for the following reasons; they don't know how, they're waiting on you so they can follow up, or the most popular, they just don't want to. Simple. 

Now those three reasons say a lot about a person and their initiative skills or lack thereof... Studying a person and yourself in times where initiative is requi(red) will answer alot of questions you may have. With each scenario, results may vary. 

I take initiative when I feel like it, I can be honest about that.. And more often I don't feel like it. That's changing due to the fact that to achieve my many, many wants, I need to initiate more than a few things myself, which I don't mind.. But it's relatively new to me, due to my laid back nature. But I don't mind stepping up to get shit done. 

Now, thats with things but people? I rarely take initiative with people, I think I'm a great persuader but I don't want to feel like I have to persuade you, I want you to be down on your own merit, not cause my gift of gab worked wonders.

I love when men take initiative with me. A man that takes initiative means to me he knows what he wants and that's me. He initiates things based off his knowledge of me to seal the deal. And if the feelings are mutual, the deal is sealed. But if its not, I appreciate the effort. It doesn't go unnoticed I just have to let you go and not waste anymore of your time. I rarely take initiative with men because honestly, it's been a while since I wanted someone bad enough to take initiative if they haven't. And it's tricky with that. As a female we can take initiative and make it clear but some men will oblige either so they don't rock the boat, despite the fact they don't want the same things as you but they don't want to fuck up a good thing or they want to string you along bc they're not too sure yet.. Both cases are wrong. But it happens.. And we don't know until too much precious time has been wasted. It's tragic but it's life. 

The solution to this is to be real observant after you've taken initiative .. Not just with men or women, observant after any type of initiative has been taken. You threw it in the air .. Watch it fall, see where it lands and if it goes unnoticed or not. Act accordingly afterwards. 

The thing about initiative, it's a risk.. You're taking the lead in whatever aspect. You're making that first move. You're stepping up. Some are fearful of that, some don't know how to do that. We all should and quite frankly, we have nothing to fear. The beauty of stepping up is you get a better view, not always in the way you wanted but it definitely provides more clarity than before.. You can get exactly what you want or find out what you thought you wanted wasn't that at all. 

It's quite the time saver. 

I should know, I've wasted time trying to figure things out on my own instead of taking the initiative to get the answers I needed, which would've only saved me time. But I used to fear rejection. Fear of making a fool of myself. Fear of being wrong when I wanted to be right so bad. But that takes too much time. Sure I'm able to figure shit out way quicker now due to that, but I can't get that time back. I don't dwell on that, shit I don't dwell on anything for that matter. But I do reflect and in retrospect my pride once again cost me, and time is non refundable.. So to move forward and preserve my time and make the most of it.. Taking initiative is definitely requi(red). Especially, when I know what I want. 

Don't take initiative if you're not sure what you want. That can only bring chaos... You're initiating something that you're not even sure of, what happens when you find out you don't want what you initiated? Then what? You got a mess on your hands. No one wants a mess. And if you really don't know what you want. Be mature and admit that, take the initiative to say, "you know what .. I'm still figuring shit out. Come back to me later or I'll let you know when I figure it out". Save time not just for you, but for others involved.

If its one thing I know, uncertain people are more a nuisance than anything. Not everybody likes guessing games, myself included. Fuck guessing, what do you want? And do you want it bad enough to vocalize it? .. Shit you gotta ask yourself. So when people do, you have a solid answer ... "Idk" is annoying. How you don't know what you want? Must not have given it much thought I would think.. 

If you don't know what you want, you'll take anything. Don't be that type of person to just take anything, just to have something. Everything that's offe(red) isn't always in your best interest.

Knowing what you want, in all aspects and then taking initiative has no consequences.. Sure you may not get what you want after you take initiative in one aspect but the beauty in that is you actually KNOW this, you're not assuming .. You took initiative, saw that your wants weren't met.. You move on to the next. Taking the initiative to continue moving forward after hearing no or something negative is truly key. We're gonna hear no, more often than we think. No doesn't mean stop. No just means, not over here. Taking initiative allows us to go.. And to grow for that matter. We become more assertive and resilient after taking initiative in life. We're able to save an enormous amount of time after gaining these virtues.. The more initiatives you take, the harder it is to actually stop you. The more initiatives you want to take. 

I tried lying to myself, and I couldn't do it. I didn't even realize I was trying to lie to myself until I answe(red) myself with an attitude lol. I truly do know what I want, so for me to act like I don't know or try to downplay what I want to others is an insult to my character. I lectu(red) myself on all that I want, and all that I don't. And I told myself, 'from here on out. Anybody asks you what you want, you tell them. No more beating around the bush, no more playing the cut.' I played the cut, the cut served its purpose.. Now it's time to play ball. Getting out the dugout and even if I strike out on the first inning.. I have plenty more as long as I take the initiative to stay in the game. Mind truly is over matter. You can step up to the plate or watch someone else go after and get what you want. 

It's all on you.

$$$$.

It makes cents. 

Steve Forbes. 

Warren Buffett. Jay Z.

2010 

http://youtu.be/kDRXkW0Eshc

Gems worth billions.

Umm...

Few things I wanna touch on.

I've been frustrated lately.. Every now and then it happens, I haven't realized my goals and that can get frustrating. I remind myself of where I will be. What I will accomplish, listen to 1230am interlude (which is positive thoughts on "wax", which is another reminder as well.. It's sitting in my notepad, once upon a time I could only read it.. Now I can hear it. So ill. Much love to Juan for that) and remain positive. 

But as positive as I am... As optimistic as ever, sometimes I have to bash myself. Overall as a person, I'm content with who I am. But in life, I'm not even remotely close. I'm nooooo way near where I feel I'm supposed to be. I guess the place I would feel would be home, in all aspects.  And I can't tell you where I feel I'm supposed to be; just know, when I get there, you'll know.

I mentally fuck myself up, taunting myself like bitch this not what you want? So why you still here? .. I force myself to answer questions I would never have to with people, more often simply because they don't ask. Those conversations rarely come up, and even when they do.. I'm vague about it, honest, but vague. I know me, I know the soft spots. So I gotta ask me, I gotta be that bully that keep poking at the sore spots until I stand up to me. And it's a win win. When I do it... The breakdown is nasty. But it's needed. I realized that. I tend to hold things in.

I really don't like to complain, I feel complaining is very annoying. And I feel complaining is discussing things that bother you that you can fix over and over with no visible effort to change it. That's annoying. And usually the time spent speaking on it, could be spent actually fixing it. It's one thing to elaborate on your problems and seek help but when you're like me, I feel all my problems stem from me.. So I gotta look in. You can't see that deep. Life itself helps me understand alot more about who I am and who I'm not. 

I feel I have alot of components, like alot within me. And in order to really become who I'm truly meant to be, I have to get them all aligned and awaken me out this nightmare I have to deal with. Because it is a nightmare, and I'm ti(red) of dreaming. I know exactly what I want. 

My little sister asked me yesterday, "what's the difference between being closed minded and knowing what you want"? 

I thought about it, "you know what you want after you conside(red) your options and made the choice; if you're closed minded, you wouldn't had conside(red) any other option". 

I really know what I want, and it frustrates me that people don't understand as to how far an extent I'm talking about.

But that's my fault. 

And I realized why its my fault.. But lord knows I'm working. Every day I'm working in all senses. Building up my endurance, I'll always get stronger. The weight on my shoulders heavy, but I refuse to buckle. 

I watched Kanye's latest interview on BBC radio, and I must say.. I loved it. Idk if its because we're the same sign or just both great (his great already known) but he was talking some real shit. I think about shit like that all the time... I peeped game and I'm not even in the game so for him to be in the game, speak on it and prove accuracy to my beliefs really boosted my positivity levels. Great reassurance that I truly know what the fuck I'm talking about. And I bet my life on it, he was being vague. Shit get way deeper than that. It's deeper than rap. Lmao and little shit like that seem like pure signs to me. I was beating the shit out of myself the other night and as I released my frustrations and awakened self realizations, came to terms with what's going on and what's next... I felt better. I pulled out my reminders and got back to the focus, the mission. 

Then that interview popped up, nigga .. That's a sign. Also Drake's Chelsea lately and Ryan seacrest interview I happen to catch earlier that day as well. I'm so proud of drake lol idek him personally. But I've been a fan since degrassi, and am more than fond of his musical catalog. He's up. He really came up and to have watched the journey on the low, I'm happy for him. I remember when google thought I meant Drake Bell, they don't get it confused anymore. He's certainly very inspiring, to me at least. 

Subtle reminders like that, seeing people (not just the two I named above) live out their dreams, are more than inspiring.. It's motivating. The world is full of reminders that anything is possible and all within in your reach, if you just reach. Living proof that limitations are a mental cage. And you ironically, hold the key and lock. 

Shit real.

Cold.

The change of weather been on my mind  all day. 

Maybe because I really felt the shift from perfect warm weather to the cold breeze.

Got me thinking of how cold I was.. And how long I feel it takes to warm me up .. And how close you can get but I can still be cold. Too cold to touch. And how I only can open up when that fire is lit, and lighting it is another story.. 

Then I think how sad it is to be cold, I never realized it before. I was so caught up in me, I didn't bother to notice how the cold rubs off on others.. Theres none colder than me. Why was I cold? Maybe I thought I was too cool .. I say was, but I still feel I have cold ways about me. I'm real distant and I like people at a distant on more levels than just physical distance.. Maybe it's for precautionary purposes, but can you blame me? I mean if you knew what I've seen.. I doubt it. 

It's a cold world out here. 

Gets you thinking of what I've seen no? I know and I still wonder what others have seen.. And how what they've seen in some way shaped who they are today. And it's all makes sense in a weird way. If you know, which most of us might never... But if you pick up on the vibes and signs of people, the quicker you do the quicker you can decide to turn cold or warm up. 

I always think I can't fully shake off my coldness off cause I am cool. so cool it comes off as cold to some but I just be chilling.. I'm not easily excited. I don't like to pretend either to ease people's insecurities nerves.

People love warming up to me, I think some just wanna feel cold because no matter how cold I could be towards them, they refuse to let go. Some people remind me of my little brothers dog, Precious. She constantly shows me "love" and I always reject her, she never lets that stop her.. She continues to pry and force herself into my personal space and she's always smiling lmao it's crazy. And it's not that I hate her, I don't. But I really dislike for my attention to be demanded and forced into your focus. Leave me alone. Wtf. She's mad annoying. And I know alot of people like that. Now that probably makes me sound extremely cold. (Gee what a bitch, the poor dog just wants love) Understand, I have a different way of accepting and giving love and attention.. My own way. On my own time. 

If you can't accept me, I become cold. Go away. Those who decide to linger around hoping they can mold me into what they want are only wasting their time.. I can't be anything other than me. And you don't decide who that is. You don't get a say. That's that. Cold shoulder always valid in these cases.

But in the cold case of my life, I'm guilty of being selfish.. I am cold and disconnected but when I want to feel warmth then I soften up, then I don't mind.. 'Ooh now you don't mind? Now you want to be bothe(red)? Fuck outta here. Who you think you are?' Lol yeah I know. It's hypocritical of me. But I just know I need more me time than most. And the fact that many don't understand that proves that I'm right. If they did, my coldness wouldn't be an issue.. It wouldn't be called coldness then, it'll be called "wanting to be left alone" .. Sigh, in a perfect world.

But in the real world, the world cold, but we don't have to be. We feel we do because we're trying to blend in with our surroundings for our protection, don't want to stand out too soon depending on the scene.. Or maybe that's just me. In a cold world, there's such thing as bad attention.. Can't warm up to everybody. Some will burn you out. 

I'm cold, but my body so warm.. It's really weird. Maybe one day the warmth of my skin will sink into my soul.. And I'll be warm permanently.. And not live life like a fireplace... I mean sure it's fun igniting fires but what happens if the fire needs fuel and there's no valid fuel around then what? Back to the old cold? I don't like to feel cold. My cold ways may say otherwise. I never mean no harm, but the icy stares and cold shoulders I've been hit with on a few occasions told me I never wanna grow old and cold. I've seen the cold elderly version of what could be.. And I don't like it. 

I like warmth. I like the feeling but too much of it makes me too hot.. And too hot makes me feel bothe(red) and smothe(red).. I'm fake complex, I need a balance. Blah.

As the days progress, I'll be right behind it... As long as I'm aware no? I know everything in due time and eventually I'll be completely warm all over, when it's meant to happen.. I just have to continue working on me along with everything else. Stay alert of the progressing process as well. 

Shit real.

Reality Check-in.

Woke up this morning and felt the change of weather.. It's cold. But I'm still hot. 

The plotting that I've been doing is more than ready. The actions I've been taking can be taken further. I know what I need to move forward, I'm just in the process of eliminating my setbacks so they no longer hold me back. It's always something, but all that tells me is that what I'm aiming for, will be that much more worth it once I get it. 

Life is a game, but I'm playing for keeps. 

My stubbornness and manly pride are still a factor, although I'm really working on it.. Old habits die hard. But they will die or atleast become more of an asset than a setback.. 

I just continue to analyze myself and my moves, also those around me gotta keep an eye on my surroundings. 

Always remind myself.... Be aware, those few times I wasn't aware haunt me and I'll be damned if I ever put myself in a position where I'm not comfortable with my surroundings because I wasn't aware.

Shit real.

Act accordingly. 

The Bubble theory.

Bubbles. Air bubbles. Life bubbles. 

If you blow a bubble too fast, it pops. If you blow it slow enough, you can control how big and solid you want your bubble to be. Like glassblowing. You take your time. And your bubble never pops. It can break, but it doesn't pop. The difference is longevity. Your bubble popping is alarming, quick, sudden. If your glass bubble starts to break, you can feel when it's breaking. Because its glass it takes a little longer to crack depending on the impact. It's solid.

Everyone lives in a bubble, we can all intertwine bubbles when we're together. But for the most part we all have our own bubble. 

What and who we allow in our bubble, defines us. It's the air we breathe.. It's our atmosphere in a sense. It's all in our bubble, it consumes us. No matter what you allow in your bubble you should never let anything cloud your vision, cloudy bubbles are no good. 

You always have be aware of what's going on outside your bubble as well ..  Outside of your bubble is the real world, who doesn't give a fuck about your bubble. And if you're not too aware, you might fuck around and get your bubble popped. Depending on your bubble.. It can pop or crack hard on impact. 

Either way, you're gonna feel it.

Build your bubble, filter it so you don't have chaotic shit distracting you from what's going on outside your bubble. Your bubble shouldn't stress you, your bubble is your escape.

You ever been in a bubble? 

Like one of those fake "bubbles" and you crawl in and run around like a hamster in a round cage. Lol sound isn't as clear, depending on the color of the bubble you may not see outside the bubble. 

Imagine you're in a bubble..

You're trapped in the bubble, can't see where you're going, you're bound to stop. If the bubble is a solid color you can't see whats outside the bubble, so you have to rely on sound to get around. And everything that sound good isn't always good. You gotta be able to see what's going on, sound doesn't always match the visual.

Your bubble is a product of you. You determine if your bubble is clear enough to be alert on the outside but sound reduced so what's going on inside your bubble isn't too disturbed. You can't have the sound of the real world drown out your bubble conversations. You just gotta be aware, if your bubble solid.. You can adjust the volume from the outside when needed. If your bubble thin, everything getting through, how can you focus? Won't be long til that bubble pops.

All bubbles eventually pop or break. The amazing thing about bubbles is you can always blow another one. Enjoy your bubble while you're in it, and when it's time to get a new bubble.. Just make it better. Bubbles are needed to grow.. What we fill our bubbles with, determines whether we grow or slowly commit suicide if we fill our bubbles with poisonous vapor.

Poisonous thoughts and people, negative actions all consume our bubbles and darkens it, clouds our vision of everything. What could be, where you're going, how alert you are. You drown and feel stuck in your bubble and it consumes you to the point you can't move. Why would you want to go through that? Some people don't even realize that is exactly what's happening, they can't see what's going on and all they hear is chaos. Their bubble soon pop. 

[if a negative bubble is dark and cloudy.. How clear would a positive bubble be?]

A good bubble popping is a great reality check. Some times that's exactly what we need. A new bubble. But depending on how your bubble pops, determines if you can actually see why your bubble needed popping. You wasn't paying attention and needed a wake up call is usually the reason. Don't blame anyone else for your bubble popping, no one can pop your bubble.. And if you allow them to do so, they must've hit a sore spot. So good, good for you. You needed that. Toughen that up. It's really that simple. 

The world is a crazy place, so much going on.. Our bubble keeps us sane in a sense, some take it too far to the delusional extent, but I won't go there..  Just make sure your bubble is clear and focused, it's okay to get comfortable in your bubble just be aware of traffic.. Many will try to pop your bubble and blow you one with their vision .. Tell them to blow these. Lol (grow up, Cristina) your bubble gotta be blown by you. After all... You spend alot of time there. 

Bubbles. Lol 

Shit real.

The signs just remind me of how real shit is. 

I swear if I could speak on everything I see and hear, I would get thrown into a mental asylum. I'm not crazy though. I really be knowing. As long as shit adds up, I won't ever doubt my intuition. Things aren't going as smoothly as I would like, but again... I feel this is a reminder of how patient I need to be. It's annoying I won't lie.. But I get it. I know why I need to be patient. Lord knows I get it. But it's getting to the point where I can't think of anything else.. I can't focus on anything going on in "real life" because my mind is entirely consumed with this vision.. 

And the fact that I could get it done so easily if circumstances were different is slightly frustrating. Only slightly because I could probably make it easier for myself but the easy route won't do me as good in the long run. And I'm more of a long term type of individual.. 

I'm not stressed though which is great. I mean I know I get frustrated from time to time but that's just cause my anxiety gets the best of me. I know everything will fall into place perfectly but waiting for it to fall is taking longer than I hope. Of course I'm keeping myself preoccupied in the meantime. Making sure I'm on point with every aspect of myself and hobbies.. Lord knows. 

Shit real though. 

As always. 

I'm just remaining calm and positive. I know my intentions and my plans, I also know it will become reality sooner than I think.. I just gotta keep calm. 

Keep calm and think good thoughts.

September.

A new month .. Change of seasons. 

As the summer comes to an end, I just want to ensure I apply everything I've learned into my life.. This month I have a few things that will fall into place..

Fall is approaching, and I'm excited. Shit is real. So much to come .. And I love the season itself. Fall is so perfect. Perfect season to grind and make shit happen.. 

Shit will happen.

Gotta make sure I act accordingly.

Chess, never checkers.

Remember to remember.

Sleep if you want, I'll wake you up when September ends.