Positive Thoughts.

I wrote this on May 17, 2012, I felt like my world was crashing down. No, it did crash .. I had hit what I felt was rock bottom for me. Negativity was at an all time high, I felt like I was being consumed by it and I didn't like it. As I held back the tears on my way to work that day.. I wrote this. I lived by it. Still do. And I swear whenever I read it, I feel better. It was everything I needed to hear.

Positive thoughts.
Everything will be fine
This is not the end.
You are destined for great things ..
And nothing will stop you from achieving greatness unless you let it.
Take every bad and find the good, extract the good and focus on that
Obstacles are put in your way to test you, do you really want this?
How bad do you want it if a couple misfortunes are enough to break you. You are strong. You can not be broken. You have overcome, you will overcome anything that's thrown your way.
Don't doubt yourself. Don't think it's impossible. It's not.
You are more than capable. Put your mind to it. You know your potential. You know you haven't hit it, don't worry about others. Worry about fulfilling your deepest desires, obtain all that you aspire to obtain. Enough is enough. Positive vibes, positive thoughts. Positivity is key. Negativity is a lock. Unlock your negative thoughts and free your mind of anything evil. You can be what you want to be. You want to be great, you shall be great. Those little voices and imagery in your mind can become reality. You are the only one who can make that happen. Believe in this and you win. Truly believe. TRULY believe. Don't lie to yourself. Don't live in misery, depression. You are alive. Make it count. I just hate that it took me 20 years to discover this. Thankfully, I'm young. I will be great. Mark my motherfucking words. I will not be broken. I will not be average for settle or anything less than I have imagined for myself. Promise to myself. Promise to read this everyday until I reach every dream I ever dreamt and every now and then after I achieved it. I never make a promise I can't keep. Word to Dru hill.

Thanksforgiving

I worked a double shift on thanksgiving, got off at 7 and enjoyed good, food, bud and alcohol with my Family. Now I know the horror story behind thanksgiving but I do appreciate what it's become, reunions and memories.. Food and drinks.. An all around good time with people you care for, depending on who you talk to. But I'm thankful.
Now more than ever. I'm healthy, I'm getting closer to my goals .. And it doesn't stop. I'm always a bit more cheerful around the holidays and I don't even have to be in the best situation to do so. Just the holiday spirit floating in the air is enough to keep a smile on my face. I almost got mad ... No, I got mad, I pouted about it for a few minutes. I took deep breaths and let it go. I am really in a place where my pros out weigh my cons, I'm done letting minor cons outshine my pros. I'm not exactly where I gotta be but those pros will get me there. "And progress, no matter how long the process .. Should never be belittled." (I like to quote myself lol) and in 6 days I'll be able to cross one of my goals off the list .. And lord knows how long it's been on the list, yet the timing couldn't be more right. And now that I look back on my "depressive state of mind" phase .. I'm glad I went through it. I'm glad I took everything so hard .. It's just what I needed. I knew the sun would shine, I just didn't know when .. And as I stare at the clouds .. I see the sun finally peeking through. (Im such a cornball lol)


"Blessed are those who give without remembering. And blessed are those who take without forgetting." — Bernard Meltzer

8 days ...

8 fucking days.
This feels surreal ..
Excited is an understatement. I'm finally getting a whole lot closer to where I wanna be. Moving day is approaching, I haven't been this excited since I went away to college.. To think, I've been wanting this for so long and I thought I wouldn't even get to start planning this til next year .. And it just got 10x easier. I'm fucking ecstatic. I get to live in my own apartment (my cousin and I are roomin together) it's gonna be so fun. I can't wait. We get along great and have a million and two things in common .. She's just as excited as I am. I will definitely post pictures when we're done decorating, it's gonna look so beautiful. This is the start of something new.

I swear I have to keep reminding myself I deserve this, I've waited for this. I asked for this .. Everything is happening so fast and I'm used to shit falling apart but alot has changed since then. Especially my attitude towards life. I swear ever since I FULLY and TRULY devoted myself to thinking positively, everything has been taking care of itself. The timing couldn't be better. This is really only the beginning.
*birdman hand rub* muahahaha :)

Wow.

Shit is getting real. In the most great way possible. Something that I've been wanting is becoming more real as the days progress .. I'm moving quick and making sure this opportunity doesn't pass me by. This is making me a little nervous. In a good way, I'm anxious I want this to work out as planned but I don't want to get too excited that things get ruined. I'm finding a balance. I should be fine. I'm just so excited, finallyyy I'm seeing progress, it feels great. This is what I've been waiting for. Only a few weeks left. Thinking good thoughts every step of the way. A beautiful thing is forming. The start of something new.

"You cannot win without sacrifice." — Charles Buxton

The Experiment.

Have you ever thought that you could be part of a social experiment? How would you know you are if you're not supposed to know?
Maybe I'm just high and seen too many weird movies, but it has crossed my mind. But of course, being me.. I always have to take it to the next level.

"What if we are apart of a social experiment... but it's our own, like we're the conductors .. Our souls guiding us." Sounds alot like life to me.

Our entire existence could be a social experiment. Our mind collects data, brings in and remove variables, our emotions change how we react to the variables .. I mean think about it, we are not the exact same person we were at birth, we've been molded and still are being molded by society and experiences. Alot of our experiences we create with our minds which is like an experiment.. We don't know how it's going to turn out. You get these urges from your soul to try things and everything else goes from there .. The ever changing experiment called life.

And death is really checking back in. And your memory|actual life is played back for you at the review board ( god and his squad, think ANTM judging panel.. I believe it'll be that fierce lmfaoo ) I mean, who's to say its not true? Only one way we'll find out. Maybe I'm really on to something. Maybe I'm not.

I'm not sure how life is "Supposed" to be lived or who's really calling the shots. but I feel life should be whatever you feel is right. As long as you are at peace with yourself, you're living Life right. It's that unsettling feeling that gets me to feel a higher power controls me or my desires are burning intensely as they continue to be buried deep down (I shall set you free soon).

And after I read "Do You" by Russell Simmons and he explained this feeling, I knew I was on to something. (I'm still pissed all I did was smile when I saw him, we shall meet again) I don't know what thoughts or feelings people keep to themselves, because well.. They keep it to themselves. Duh.

But I know what I think to myself, I know what I'm feeling and I don't understand how people can live their lives doing things they don't genuinely wanna do for so long, you ever seen the dullness in a person eyes who you could tell they hated their life? I never wanna be that person. I never want to lose that sparkle in my eye. I don't want to get drowned out in the sea of sorrow that life may toss in my direction. I want to fall in love with my life everyday .. Slowly but surely I'll get there. I am aware that I want alot out of life, but I feel life has alot to offer me. Why wouldn't I get all I feel I'm worth? Now that I think about it. I haven't had a bad day in a while, every day isn't amazing yet but it's decent. I live to see another day. Always grateful for that. I've been jotting down and plotting .. I'm experimenting (lol) with things, ideas and I have this weirdly good feeling about all of it. Alright I'm done rambling. Hopefully if I am apart of a social experiment conducted by any(one)thing, they don't pull the plug on me for writing this. Lol but no one reads this anyway, so I should be safe. Lol


"A long life may not be good enough, but a good life is long enough." — unknown