Language.

Sometimes I think I speak a foreign language.. Context, comprehension and impression alter language. Not just vocal language, but body language and sign language as well.. Even if you feel you're coming off as clear and direct, there's still a possibility.. you were misunderstood.

People look at you and imagine how you sound, the way you speak, your tone.. And when you actually hold a conversation with them you either were what they imagined, or you're not. I'm usually not. My tone, my remarks, my choice in words are nothing that they could've imagined, how do I know? Their face tells it every time. Plenty of conversations where I'm cut off mid sentence, "I didn't expect you to speak like that" .. Lol I'm assuming its a combination of how I speak, my body language and their comprehension of what's really happening.. 

You can't talk to just anybody about any thing. You know that right? Some conversations will go way over heads or right under the table. That's why we enjoy those people who literally everything is eye level and on the table in conversation. But language, sometimes gets lost in translation. 

So in those moments we're still on the same page by the end of our conversation, it's like reading a book together, and now you're done.. You feel like you left with something, a story, a new outlook on something, a more advanced idea of an existing idea and someone was there that entire time, making it even more real..(yay, a witness, lol) Just great. Wonderful, wouldn't life just be so grand if we we're all on the same page? 

But language, it's funny at times.. We can both speak the same language literally and you still can interpret what I said as something other than how I meant it. Either more positive, or negative, more general or personal, uplifting or degrading ... Sometimes you can't even call it, but you feel some type of way. Why? 

Let me break down language and the levels to this shit. Lol

Level 1. Vocal language. 

Literally the words that are coming out of your mouth, your tone of voice as well.

Basic level of language. This is by far the easiest, learning how to speak is elementary, once you grasp that, you're able to communicate with those that speak your language. It only gets advanced, (this is where most get lost in translation) when emotions alter tone in vocal language. See, you could be speaking clearly, directly, and make all the sense in the world.. But if your tone is off, shit can real. Everything you just said got wrecked by the train of your tone. You didn't even mean it the way it came off.. But your emotions couldn't hide how you really felt. People tend to lie about tone so much it's crazy, instead of just saying, yes, I do feel this way but I've been wanting to address this for a while. No, a new conversation will proceed in regards to tone and blame, and everything that has nothing to do with what was said, but how it was said. Depending on the parties involved determines how bad that ends.

And FYi, sometimes, there is no tone. The words are enough. That's what you're working with. Go with that. Some people like to travel down 'de Nile' river in hopes to avoid what was clearly said.. They imagine a sarcastic tone, 'nah they weren't serious, hahaha(crazy laugh) silly them'.. And it's like, come on.. Don't do that to yourself. Accept it for what it is. 

If you're like me whose voice is often monotone, you have to coordinate your words accordingly.. Your tone will always fool people, so the words have to stick.. And maybe that's why I have an extensive, ever-growing vocabulary. You know how many words fit situations a thousand times better than the generic word for the term; the variation of that generic word specifies the situation, making it easier to understand where you're coming from. But if you generalize or wrongfully specify the situation, signals will almost always get crossed. 

Choose your words accordingly. 

It's not so much watching what you say; when you speak, you're speaking to be understood, remember that.

Level 2. Body language. 

The way you move, react to yourself, others, varies in setting, on person and situation.. 

My favorite. I love that shit because the body doesn't speak in a voice, but with moves and it's fun decoding it. The quicker I get it, it's like entering a new level on a game. Once you understand a person's simple set dynamic, body language is more than obvious. We all have a simple set dynamic.. It's different, duh, but it's same in simplicity. Learning a person is fun, body language tells you the most, and the body will always tell you if the words are a lie. (even if you want the words to be a lie and body language reveals it true, the fact that the words are being made a lie should ring an alarm) body language is most discreet of the language, most either don't notice it.. Or worse, ignore it. 

Nothing good has ever come from ignoring the body. 

You don't have to do anything but pay attention... It's really that simple. You will pick up vibes as you go along. 

Act accordingly. 

Level 3. The highest level of all.....

Sign language. 

Sign language is different. The language of the signs in your life is probably the most important one. Life signs will tell you if you're on to something, or wasting your time... If you're right or wrong.. If where you're headed is beneficial for you or not. If those in your life belong there or not.. And the signs are everywhere, but the comprehension skill to understand sign language is very rare.. Mainly cause many aren't aware. 

Think of every 'sign' you ever felt you had in life and play all those known signs out like a story book of your life, signs was a character and he had dialogue. If you can visualize that, you're going to notice even more now in retrospect, than you did in the moment you were just happy enough to have caught the sign.. Sometimes you don't have body language or vocal language, just sign language, all these signs telling you what's up, you either on it or you're brushing it off because you can't understand signs. It's not an easy task, granted. But that's why it's even more crucial to know how to understand signs. To pay attention to what the world is trying to tell you, and move accordingly. 

Anybody that has fell to a great demise, igno(red) sign language. And in the stories we read of these fallen heroes or villains, we always notice the decline, the beginning of the end.. How can we notice it in books or movies, but not in ourselves? Not with other people or situations that are clearly no good but we still fucking with it? Why? We ignore the signs. We're emotionally involved with this person, place or thing and we don't have eyes for anything other than what's in front of us, let alone the signs. But in books or movies, even if we become emotionally attached, we're aware of what's going on, we're trying to figure out what's going on as its happening. As opposed to real life, where we rarely even question things in the moment, but more often in retrospect. That's usually where we fuck up, questioning everything so vocally.. Creating a cloud of doubt to hover over us, raining on our possible parade.. Instead, be aware of the signs and collect them in a mental sense and as you go along you'll gain better understanding of what the signs meant. And you won't even have to ask questions. 

Those 3 levels of language combined can alter how someone understands you.. Impression lies upon perception.. So as I mentioned, you can still be misunderstood. And that's fine.. As long as you know what you meant and were clear about it on your end. That comes from language of self. When you know yourself and you're in tuned with your mind, body, and soul.. All language levels are easy to set. You know how to express your self to be understood. And those that don't understand, you don't bother to speak to.. Not everyone is meant to understand each other. Once you understand that.. You won't harbor those that don't understand you, you'd move on to those that do. Self language is key before even entering the world and the levels of language. Self language is like the core of language. If you don't know yourself, how can anyone else? You don't even know how to interpret what you feel so how could I ever really know if that's how you really feel? The worst thing you can do is have someone fake figure you out before you do. You need to know yourself.

Take me for instance, I know myself. In and out. Flaws and all. I know when and how to address something, I know how to say what I need to say without inflicting unsettled emotion in my tone.. I know myself well enough to pick and choose when I want to speak.. I know well enough to know when I don't know enough to speak.. Who to speak to, who to avoid, little shit like that makes allllllll the difference in my conversations with people.. I don't have arguments, I rarely raise my voice.. Yet my point gets across every time. If the words don't, the body language will and the signs I leave afterwards seal the deal.

When I speak, I like for who I'm speaking to, to feel me.. Feel me?

If not what's the point, really?

Quick.

We all want to be the fastest, we all want to finish first. First means fast.. Finish lines... Races. Life is a race no? But what kinda of race, who's competing, what's won once the finish line is reached.. Where the finish line even is.. Varies. 

Like everything. 

Granted. 

In this life race, you're either competing with yourself and the world, or yourself and others.. There is a difference.  

Now, I always think about that old story, the tortoise and the hare.. The big race. And somehow slow ass turtle won, you would think the hare would've won, stronger legs, great quality for the race.. But the hare wasn't thinking about winning the race, just beating the turtle, while ridiculing him for being slower than him.. If the race meant more than the opponent, the hare wouldn't have compa(red) himself to the tortoise.. Despite him being his competitor, winning the race was the main objective. The tortoise on the other hand could care less about the hare and his advantage over him in the race.. Sure the hare was fast, and tortoises are naturally slower.. But even that didn't stop him. His concern was the race. And he won the race... While the hare embarrassed and now a loser, all because he underestimated his opponent and slept on him literally. 

So in life's race we have tortoises and hares. We all want to be hares, quick and  fast. No one wants to be slow ass tortoise.. But in reality it's always the tortoise that wins... The hares of the world tire themselves out seconds before they reach the finish line.. Sometimes even half way depending on how fast they are.. Wasting their fast energy on everything but the race. Being quick is always a plus, but where you choose to be quick determines if its wise.. Some situations calls for us to slow down. So in the race of life... The speed will vary. But even if you're quick like the hare, don't be the hare, the hare was so quick he slipped up and lost focus of what matte(red).. The moment he focused more of his attention on his competitor and less on his progress in the race, he lost. 

In life's race, your only competitor is you..   And the finish line. That's it. Fuck everyone else, sure you can be aware that you're not the only one reaching for the same finish line but aware and devotedly focused are two different things. No matter how fast you are, pacing yourself based on the pace of the next person will always slow you up..  The hare was physically faster than the tortoise but because he felt the tortoise was slow, he was gonna play around.. Take naps and shit. He based his pace on his opponent's speed, and he lost. Had he set his own pace, and not on the tortoise, he'd easily won the race but he didn't take the race nor his opponent seriously.. In the end, he was the joke.

It's funny, cause the tortoises of the world win every time because they're worried about themselves.. Their pace, their eyes on the prize. Competitors aren't a factor. 

Some people like to compete and others like to win. Some just like the challenge, others value the victory. There's people that will try to compete with you in whatever aspect just for the sake of it, and some for the prize. That's why it's not wise to focus so much on 'competitors' .. Some aren't even there to win it, you are.. But if you focus on your competitors and who they are and what's their qualities and blah blah.. You're doing too much.. You're not focusing on you, the race, the finish line and how are you going to get there quickly.. All those things to consider will definitely make you faster in your race.. You can't slow anyone else down unless you slow yourself down first, you can focus on you beating your competitors.. Or focus on winning the race. What's more important? And if its beating your competitors.. You're racing for the wrong reasons. 

Like I said, your only competitor is yourself and the finish line.. Even if someone is on the same path as you doesn't mean they're running the same race.. That's another reason why it's not wise to focus so much on 'competitors' some could be a figment of your imagination. If anything, you should use the feeling of competition you may get from others as fuel in your own race to the finish line.. Work smarter, finish quick and clean. 

Don't be so quick, you might end up like the hare... Pace yourself in your race.. So when you finish you can actually breathe.

Shit real.

It's only getting realer...

I wonder too much, I think. I don't think it's healthy to ponder about the unknown as much as I do, but of course, I can't help it.

Initiative is getting better, showing more benefits as time progresses.. I think about all the work I've done, just sitting here.. And I just keep adding to the pile.. Securing their role in my plans.. 

Preparing and shit of that nature. 

Really taking my time in unveiling things with projects and people. My anxiety is a bit more calm now. 

The calm before the storm... 

Such a beautiful storm awaits.

Emotion vs. Logic.

Emotion vs logic... To have one without the other seems off though.. why the battle? 

Emotions need the guidance of logic, which is kinda like one of reasons women need men (they're more logical naturally, we can just be better once we manage emotion, they're backwards. Thus why we fit oddly enough.) logic doesn't feel, and feelings can't tell you what is, just what it feels... It doesn't see.. That's why logic is crucial. Logic are the eyes, emotions shut their eyes to what is, (even if its to imagine more of what is).. Although our feelings are real, they're not always right. Logic is always right, even if its not your right. It's right because you found out how it's right. You see what I'm sayin? 

Can't you be both? Are you logically emotional? Or Emotionally logical? Does that even make sense.. Is that even truly possible to be both simultaneously? 

Logically emotional sounds to me like you're emotional about logic .. You're passionate about logic, finding the right one and so on.. Emotionally logical sounds to me like your emotions dictate your logic.. Whatever you feel is right, so a logic will form its way from the depths of these feelings.

So your emotion is driven by logic, or your logic is driven by emotion... 

The difference in either combination is like black and white.

To have your logic driven by emotion is great if you love emotional roller coasters and a chaotic lifestyle.. Emotions change, so if you're basing logic on emotion, you're gambling alot here.. Logic dictates how you maneuver through life.. If you're constant changing your logic to suit emotion.. That can get crazy.. Now, we can't disregard feelings like its not one of the only things that lets us know what's real, but like with everything else.. We can't let it carry us away into our ever expanding imagination, which only enhances whatever we feel into more of that feeling with less reality, but more imagination. And we'll find any logical reason to justify it because we feeel it. Yes we do.. But it's more on us that we do. You feel me? So we'll intensify a memory or a moment, situation or whatever.. And forget that half that shit didn't even happen, but we're more mad or happy than what originally sparked the emotion. You see how this can fuck you up? You see how easily emotions can run logic? .. 

Now on the flip side, if you love logic, and everything it stands for.. Your emotions drives you to find logic, not create it. There's logic in everything. 

Idk if its just me, but I really like to figure out how and why things work.. I won't look at a manual, but the product and see if I figure out mentally why this works, how it works. If its intriguing, my emotion of curiosity will push me to find the mechanisms of whatever is intriguing me. This is exactly how I view life and people. Like household appliances that I want to see how and why they tick, no manual in sight... Certainly doesn't stop me.

Being passionate about logic is great because we can't help but feel.. And to have it controlled to the point where you figure out why you're feeling like this, what does this mean, what is this emotion telling you, the logic behind the emotion.. You're not trying to justify it, you're searching for the why.. And in that search, you observe, take notes.. Test out several different variables, make a conclusion. It's a calm insightful alternative.. Life is already chaotic enough with its uncontrolled way of being.. Last thing we need is to be chaotic within.

I'm a big believer in feelings, and intuition.. Never ignore how you feel. But never let it take over in the same token. Emotions are repetitive. Who, what and the intensity we feel them for varies, it will change. The emotion we feel will not. Once you know how to correctly identify your emotions..(Being that you don't lie about which emotion is which) you will always know what's coming next, you felt this before. You know what it is. Butttttt.. Because the people/things we feel these things for differ, we swear up and down its different. And it's not. Just the visual is different. The emotion is the same. We tend to tie our emotions to things/people instead of just labeling it as one of emotions thats been tapped and when we feel those emotions with others we act retarded like we can't identify this feeling.. Like this shit is new. It's really amazing how we fool ourselves sometimes, the nerve of us trying to blame others for that. Where's the logic in that? 

Your feelings can and should guide you.. But your logic should be the one mapping out the route. Your feelings lets you know if you're off about something, logic step out to figure it out.. Gather all the data on what caused this feeling and alert you on what's really going on here.. Sometimes we don't know how we feel, that's fine.. But to act on something when we haven't bothe(red) to look a little deeper into it, is foolish.. And as we all know, everything is easier to get into than get out of.. 

I rather spend my life getting into myself than living life trying to get out of potholes I dove in trying to find myself.. Which happens when your emotionally logical.. You'll run around like a chicken with his head chopped of ending in all types of shit.

Idk man, I just think about shit like this, I'm more logical than emotional.. I have feelings, but logic has more of a say... Not saying logic tells feelings stfu and sit back.. It's a team effort but logic is the spokesperson.. Emotions, just always wanna speak.. Logic actually has something to say. But I never ignore my feelings ... I always make sure logic aware when I am, like L you got that? "Yup" okay process that in. Always gotta stay on point. It can be very easy for emotions to get wild, but as long as you're logical enough to check them, you  should be fine. 

Sometimes I do get more emotional than logical.. But I swear, it's only around my week of hell.. So I guess that doesn't count, does it? Ah who cares? Even in that one week free logic gets, it doesn't throw me off.. I think it helps in some weird biological way.. Whatever I'm no scientist. 

Emotion and logic seem like such opposites, emotion always portrayed as wild and uncontrollable.. While logic is viewed as a chess master, calm, strategic.. Straightforward. Yet both together in the right combination, with the right balance is amazing. 

Eh.. Just a thought.

Say word..

I only know what I get told, but I cant always go by what I'm told.. 

It's funny, no matter who is telling me something and other people are involved.. I always wonder if that's how it really happened.. 

Not saying what I'm being told isn't true.. But to what degree?.. Since its from your eyes, you perceived that whole situation slightly different than anyone else there... Sometimes its delusion, but its perception nonetheless.

I love those moments when I was told a story from one perspective.. I learned their role or what they thought their role was, when they were wrong about their thought of who they were in the situation, the justifications that followed the situation. Blah blah.. And I'm just soaking it all in, analyzing, suggesting possible solutions.. Trying walk in their shoes And then later on.. I get another piece of the puzzle, someone else tells me of the same situation, but their interpretation of it, their role, allowing me to look at it from another angle, another pair of eyes and it's always funny.. And extremely insightful. I love the human mind so to be able collect all this 'data' for my personal observations makes me feel warm lol.. The only reason this happens to me a little bit more, than the usual.. people love talking to me, they just always feel like telling me a story. And I don't run my mouth. 

If person 1 tells me a story, and I somehow later on meet the main character in person 1 story, I don't even bring up person 1, what they had is none of my business. Person 1 just chose to share it with me. That character will never know, I know of that story unless Person 1 says it.. never from me. So I know alot more than what people think, I just absorb all of it. And really observe how people move, of course. 

See you really can't go by what your told.. Always gotta do your own research, how you do that varies; but one thing key in research is paying attention, to everything. Not just the little details. The big picture as well. What one says of another says way more about themselves than it does of the person they're speaking of. Keep that in mind.

I never go by what I'm told of other people I've never met. I feel like until we meet, I have no solid opinion of you. What I'm told of you, is just how others view you, not always necessarily who you are. Granted. That being said, I take everything I hear or see, into consideration.. Never to the heart.. 

I always wonder what people say of me, how they view me, those that never met me.. What they think they know because someone told them their perception of our relationship, or any encounters between us.. It's funny, cause people view things differently.. Some take serious what I joke with, and vice versa.. But what people fail to realize, you can't accept that version of the truth as full fact. You have to see for yourself to see the truth. 

The only way you can see the truth, is for yourself.

Truth is, alot of people don't pay attention, not even to what they, themselves say.. So as long as you are.. You'll always catch the underlying tones in conversations.. You watch how someone talks just to talk, how they talk to you, how they speak of other people, life situations they've encounte(red) their choice in topics, life views.. It always says so much about a person...

It's like the questions answer themselves...

Only if you're listening. 

Everybody wants you to take their word for something, but their word is only half... A piece if you will... Of what truly is. 

It's deeper than word and perception.

Thankful.

Hi November. My favorite holiday, thanksgiving. Where everyone is more grateful and thankful, forgiving and giving.. the food is just the perfect way to end it.. Everything just calm.. Until Black Friday.. Where we chaotically rush through Christmas, turn up for New Years, before we turn over that new leaf..  In that order. 

But I'm thankful. 

I'm thankful for the weed that clicks with me so well, thankful for the occasional chaos, the rare pure moments of bliss, the reminders, the ideas, the music..I love music almost as much as I love food, you know I'm definitely thankful for that. I'm thankful for my health, and wealth of mind body and soul. I'm thankful for my loved ones. The ones who truly want to see me prosper and are nothing but positive towards me even when they're letting know how they feel about my negatives. I'm thankful for society, as fucked up as it may be.. It's what we've created. And we've created a society where literally anything is possible and we're reminded everyday.. Lucky us. It used be a secret. Thankful especially for the knowledge I carry and the knowledge I continue to pick up. 

I'm extremely thankful for my mind. I can't say that enough. If I don't have anything, I have one hell of a mind. No one can tell me otherwise. It doesn't want to stop expanding, it doesn't shut anything out, it processes thoughts, ideas in so many different ways, I'm amazed. That's really ill to me. Like my mind literally amazes me. 

Today marks the countdown to the end of the year.. Time will fly, you can fly with it or get lost in the wind. Remind yourself, of everything you're thankful for.. Remind yourself of where you want to be, and how you're going to make that happen. And be thankful that today, who you are allows you to see that far ahead. After you say thanks, get ready to eat.