thought to self.

progress is being made, I just have to take it to the next level.

Ah Sundays

I absolutely love Sundays. the whole relaxation thing is me. A day to just relax and prepare for the week ahead. It's early still, so I'ma gonna go do some homework and hit the gym. I like my schedule, I'm taking some interesting classes. I'm trying to stay focused and start a routine where I make sure everything that needs to be done, gets done. I have faith and motivation, that should be enough for now.

howdyy

I'm back at school for a few days. Today was my second day of class and it's going pretty well .. I'm still adjusting and transiting to a time frame where I sleep all night and stay up all day. I need to get a balance of time.








"Patience is key"

Grind time.

Tomorrow I will be going back to school .. I must say, this vacation went by soo fast. But i'm not stressing it. I gotta go back and get this semester started w| .. finally.

Your body is a temple.

I like to view the human body as a house, an apartment .. a place of residence to say the least. Our thoughts, our emotions and soul lives in our bodies. Permanent residence until we die (lol). And of course like any place of residence we undergo renovations, people change their appearances often as they grow into the person they're supposed to become. Some people lose control and are unhappy w| how they look, the same feeling you have when you move into an apartment or a house that needs work done. The feeling of comfort is priceless, to me anyway, I feel like in order to be completely happy you have to comfortable in your own skin, And looks aren't everything but if you're not happy w| how you look change it. That includes w| how you feel on the inside. 

Like a house, you can't put up a house on the market that needs work, you won't get alot of buyers. If you know you have issues you need to deal w| or questions you don't have answers too, don't get into a relationship. No one wants to deal w| a mess, No one wants to be w| someone who is not even sure of themselves. 

Now there are some people in this world who are willing to deal w| someone with problems because they themselves have their own problems or they feel as if they can change the world (these people tend to be very controlling) Either way it's not healthy, and usually doesn't end up well.

If you're gonna put your "house" on the market make sure the outside reflects the inside in every positive way as possible. w| relationships, knowing what you're getting into is an advantage, surprises are nice here and there as long as they don't come w| bad news, you don't want to devote time and effort into a relationship that is going to fall apart because one of you doesn't have it all together. And when I mean have it all together I mean within yourselves. Not within a relationship, a strong relationship takes time and problems will arise that's not the issue. 

The issue is emotionally unstable people trying to mask their emotions by pouring their hearts into a relationship they know they are definitely not ready for. If you can't make yourself happy, how can you make someone else happy ? Your happiness counts first and foremost, Once you're happy everything else will fall into place. Before you have standards for other people you must have standards for yourself. Bring up your value, Reupholster your pussy or dick (without the help of Yeezy .. lol) do whatever it is you feel you need to do to make your body, your soul the exact way you want it. 

The moral of the story is, Don't sell your self short, be the person you would love to be w| .. 

"Whatever you do, make it mean something to you."

Soo ...

Idk what happened, no wait I do. I stopped. dead in my tracks and I realized. I gotta let go of certain things. I HAVE to make certain things happen and I am. I have a few days til I get back to school. Fresh start, new semester (my last) And since in my house there's alot of negativity. I can't wait til I go back to school where I can have my positive environment.

Sigh

This was not a good weekend for me. I tend to talk about my problems once I have them figu(red) out .. So I'll post what's wrong when I make it right.

I'm hearing voices, I think I'm schizophrenic.

*Rick Ross voice* I don't actually think I'm schizophrenic .. I do have several "sides" to me, which I will take the time out to break it down.


The Stubborn me: the reason I'm so driven is cause I really don't give a fuck what other people have to say, on what I should do, what I do or how I do something. I like to do things on my own, make my own mistakes. If I fall I bounce right back. I never ever been a follower, It just doesn't sit right w| me .. I'm a firm believer in accepting all responsibilities for your actions. People always want to blame others for their actions because they listened to others advice on how to act. Well if you do what you want and shit don't work you can only blame yourself, cause when you listen to others and things fail, you sit there and think .."damn I should've never listened to so and so" 


The "Selfish" me: I put my happiness before others. Sometimes making others happy makes me very happy. But in the end I always put my best interest first. I don't want to settle for anything less then the best of anything .. I want the finest things for myself .. and that includes the best people around me. I have goals and only I can reach them so I will stop at nothing and some people call me selfish .. If that's selfish .. so be it.


The Sensitive me: Alot of people wouldn't call me sensitive .. in fact they would probably call me a bitch, but that's because I don't show this side often. I love watching romance movies and reading love stories .. A little piece of me wishes Fairy Tale endings existed and tears at sad endings in movies. My heart aches when I see homeless people and animals. But I don't show my sensitive side because emotions get you hurt, so I preserve mine. The sensitive in me is the most of a girly girl I'll ever be. Guys I'm interested in see more of a girly sensitive side, but rarely cause I like to keep a poker face. lol It might seem silly to some, might make sense to others, but this way works best for me.


The Bitch in me: Everyonee knows this side of me very welll .. I get called a bitch or coldhearted cause I know how the real world works, I have this realist mentality that doesn't take bullshit from anyone. Whenever I say what I'm thinking .. I don't censor my thoughts, I don't try to hurt anyone's feelings .. But I say what I mean and I mean what I say. You can take it how you want, If you don't understand what I'm saying, I'll be happy to elaborate but don't get upset cause of how I feel or what I think of a situation .. that's one of the dumbest shit I ever heard, getting mad at someone for their opinion. I don't take many things personal and I don't give a fuck who feels some type of way. You can't be nice .. people walk all over nice, I don't like people walking over me.


The Guy in Me: According to my roommate I'ma boy .. According to most my guys friends, I'm one of them. I like Video Games, I watch ESPN (not all day), I love sports. Music wise .. Oh man we can go on all day. I get wasted like they do and I'm a chill person .. I can take a joke and I'm not sca(red) to be myself, I guess I'm going to always be a tomboy at heart. At a young age I always felt more comfortable w| guys, w| girls .. Everything was a competition, who's the prettiest, who had the most guys, how we dressed and all this other bullshit I never ca(red) about. w| guys I can just hang out in sweats and a bun on top of my head and they don't give a fuck except who rolling up this time. They come to me all the time asking girl advice and I'm guilty of giving them lines to get into girls draws. but Hey, they fell for it. When it's time to go out, and I look like a "girl" (thats what they tell me) they get all over protective of me.. like the older brothers I feel they are, and sometimes it's annoying but I love my guys I know they have their best interest at heart and I wouldn't change that, I love the fact that people want the best for me.


*All these little pieces of me combined is who I am .. I mean there's more depth to it, but Its a nice little insight. I wouldn't change who I am for the world. I love who I am and who I'm becoming. 

Ehh ...

My days have been blending together, my sleeping pattern is worse than ever .. but progress takes time. I can't wait for mother nature to leave .. I hate when she comes to visit. I didn't write yesterday cause I slept the day away .. Today I just listened to music and took it easy .. I get real bitchy when I'm going through my lady things. whatever. anywho I'm trying to figure out when I'm going back to school in reference to how I'm getting back and all this other bullshit .. I hate packing and arranging transportation. I really wanna buy a car, but I want an apartment first. So a car has to wait. Almost a week into the new year and I have yet to feel discouraged. I am still all giddy w| excitement about the plans I have. : )






Daily Quote:
Best position of my life, My future looking bright. - Nipsey Hussle

Just me and my .. music.

I love music, no I really .. Love music. No matter the genre, if I like a song, I like it. The beat especially. If the lyrics are REAL .. I am in love. I love when I hear music and I feel. No matter the feeling, whether it be good, bad, I love it. I am always in auto pilot. Music makes me feel alive. Some songs give me goosebumps, some bring tears to my eyes, while others make my heart warm .. and if the song is EXTRA real .. I feel everything at once, it's a beautiful feeling. I can listen to music all day. I listen so hard .. I learn word for word of any song after like 3 listens. I take music very serious. I love Rap and Hip Hop .. R&B, Pop anything that makes me feel something. When I'm sad, I listen to music, It uplifts me. I relate to all songs, if I experienced it, Don't wanna experience it, or wanna experience it. There's a song for those three categories .. I feel some people listen to music because of WHO is on it .. I listen to music because of WHAT is being said. I'm listening to music as we speakk .. Ashes to Ashes by Rick Ross .. Trill shit. lol 
Not feeling too good, but my music is helping me out. bout to pop a advil pm and drink some ginger ale. Mother nature came to visit me .. smh


Daily Quote:
Music is my hot sex - CSS

Just a thought.

I try my hardest not to judge people, and to look at things from both sides of the fence. I am aware everyone views life differently and have their own perception of right and wrong. 

But I feel certain things aren't acceptable no matter how you look at. There is an unwritten code of conduct that people should follow. I feel 'Be True to Yourself' is at the top of the list. I can not even begin to explain how much I hate when a person tries to portray something they are not. Lying about what they do, what they have and even who their with. Somewhere in their small minds they believe everything they say while proof of otherwise is clearly visible. 

I am all about self-improvement and doing things to better yourself, if you don't like your appearance or how you handle certain things, then by all means change it. But to lie, and hide behind this mask as if you're this one person when you're truly someone else is truly disturbing. I tend to stay away from people like that. I can't not deal w| liars and frauds. I know a handful of people who lie about the littlest things to impress people who can careless. The attention seekers who lie about lifestyles and make every little simple situation a complex one are truly annoying.

I've dealt w| people like that in my past, and I always felt bad .. but at the same time I felt fake, knowing I didn't want to be around this person because the lies were too much but not wanting to be a super bitch and hurt their feelings so I just avoided them from time to time. People like this are everywhere, in school, at home, even at work .. People like that are so self-absorbed and usually have this level of unhappiness w| themselves so they fabricate another life which seems more appealing. There's no helping them. Telling them "about themselves" only results in wasted breaths and pointless arguments. My advice to anyone dealing w| someone like that, just cut off all ties. Trust me you're better off. But that's just me .. and this is just a thought. 


Daily Quote:
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain

Happy triggers.

I just wanted to take the time out and list some of the things that make me happy. :)

• Full battery on cellphone/iPod
• Finding money
• Listening to my favorite songs
• Smiling
• Food
• Shoppin (of course)
• Finding the last item in your size
• when I have a good day
• when cute guys randomly text me
• Craving something and instantly getting it
• Watching movies.
• Hanging out w| my friends
• Jokes
• When my hair is done
• Fresh laundry
• When I get good grades after I worked hard.
• Speaking my mind.

*I could go on but I rather not. lol

Daily Quote: 

A multitude of small delights constitutes happiness. - Charles Baudelaire

1-1-11

Happy New Year everyone. :-)


I had a great time last night. Brought the new year in drunk and high as hell with friends I care about dearly. Way better then last year (I fell asleep at 11pm woke up at 3am .. sounds fun right ? blehh) but anywho, the first day of the year was pretty chill. Ate some lasagna, had some cake. Pretty much spent the day watching movies w| my mom. I love 500 days of summer (we just finished watching that) .. I can watch this movie everyday, it's that good. I have yet to get ti(red) of it. Starting tomorrow (today is my recovery day lol) I'm going to begin my workout. I have a month til I go back to class, I would like work on my figure, I want the flat stomach for the summer time so I can flaunt around in crop tops w| no insecurity. So the plan is to do a workout for 30 minutes once in the morning, once at night; everyday til I return to school and am able to use the gym free of charge. Let's see what happens .. I also have been gettin more than 4 hours of sleep lately, so that's good. I'm just trying to take it one step at a time, and i'm trying to be more organized and less lazy. lol I don't have New year resolutions, I have yearly deadlines. hehe




Daily Quote:
Quality is never an accident; it is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives. - William A. Foster