Just a Thought ..

As I get older, and everyone around me ages as well; I notice alot.
Since I've always been one to be observant, I have alot of mental data and notes from my life. I can only call things how I see it, through my eyes, I rarely speak on emotions, but more so on logic, thoughts .. conclusions. Emotions have substance, but as we all know emotions are as changeable as the day.

But I digress, that's not what I wanna speak on at the moment.

 Image is what society is solely based on. I noticed alot people will portray or try to maintain an image to the outside world no matter how different it maybe from their reality. I feel too much time is invested on maintaining an image instead of investing that same time to correct the life behind the image. Who cares what other people say? or how they think of how you're living? The public does not pay your bills, feed you, clothe you. You invest the time and funds to fix your life how you want it to be, you won't have to worry about an image, your image will be created for you. Competing with others, worried about others, talking about others; I can guarantee you unless you run a gossip column, concerning yourself with others will never benefit you. Kanye west said it best, "You worried bout the wrong things, all the wrong things" And its so true.

I don't know if its just because I'm different, I really don't care how I'm perceived by others, I can't take their opinions to the bank, airport, to the dealership .. So their opinions don't mean a thing to me, I'm not living for the approvals of others, I live for the approval of me. everyone should be able to look in the mirror and truly love who they are, and how they choose to live their lives. If not, I advise those people to go on a self-journey, People will always criticize what you do or how you live, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, SOMEONE WILL HAVE SOMETHING NEGATIVE TO SAY. As long as you're not criticizing yourself or unhappy with the choices you make .. that's all that matters in the end. Really though.

You aint about that life.

That term is fun to throw around when you're playfully teasing/joking but some people use it in the most serious tone.
But, I just want to know ..
How do you know what life I'm about?
You know me since birth?
You know my thoughts? My dreams? My aspirations?

People tend to forget, just because you know someone doesn't mean you know everything or every side to them. Just because you weren't aware of what someone was capable of doesn't mean "they're not about that life" ..

Susie could be the sweetest girl, she kills three people and someone she knows would say nah she not about that life .. Umm apparently she is.

People are so quick to box people into this frame they've built off of what they've seen and assume this is all the person is; it never occurs to them that maybe there's more to this person than they know. I, for one am rarely ever surprised when I see or hear things from people that isn't what I'm used to seeing or hearing from them. But I don't judge or claim "they're not about that life" the most I say is "shit, I ain't know (S)he had it in 'em"

People show you what they want to show you, You never stop getting to know a person, if you feel you hav,e that's where you fucked up at. everyday is different than the last and people grow every day. Don't underestimate anyone. Anyone is capable of anything. You most certainly can be about that life, if you choose to.

Allow me to re-introduce myself ....

I re-read every post on here. I've changed, not so much .. but I've changed. I'm in a different place than I was previous posts .. 
But I still have the same mind frame. Which gets me to thinking ....
What am I doing wrong? 
Why haven't I reached my goals .. 
I have so many I know, but why don't I seem closer to them? 

I'm lazy. 

I'm great with ideas but executing them? I get as nervous as a person flipping the switch for the first time in an execution chamber. I have all the drive in the world but I refuse to put it in Drive. I feel I'm in park. why? Do I not believe in myself enough? Am I too sca(red) of making change? Or am I sca(red) I won't be able to handle everything that comes with what I want to pursue? 

I question myself about this constantly. As I try to figure things out. I learn more about myself every day and re-reading these posts and my entries in my notes app and cute ass journal, I realize I'm capable of so much.
But I don't do enough. I feel I know what I want, where I want to be, how far I wanna go and everything that I have to offer. I just don't know where to start. Of course whenever I feel progress I always get slapped with setbacks harder than Day Day & Craig's grandma in that commercial ( LMFAO *still hilarious* ) I used to let it discourage me, but now .. 
I feel like these are just tests to see how bad I want these dreams and goals to manifest. I'm trying something new. real new. see where it gets me. You know what they say, "To get something you never had, You have to do something you never did" I'm going to force myself to be more bold. more assertive. I act like I have all the time in the world and I don't. Had I applied myself heavily three years ago, Lord knows where I'd be, shit probably half way through my goal list. Just bear with me 
(Helloooo! is anybody out there? probably not) 

I'm running a marathon with myself .. Let's see what I can accomplish in a month. I know, I know... what makes this time so different than the last? .. I'll show you.