Impose.

I hate to impose. So I don't.

I never been one to force things or put pressure on others.. It's annoying and doesn't end well.

People don't like to feel like they're being forced. If you're forcing it, the other person clearly doesn't want any parts. The person may not realize they don't want any parts until you put the pressure on..

If I tell you I got front row tickets to your favorite artist concert with backstage passes, you canceling anything you had in mind to go. Fuck work, fuck school .. Man fuck these kids (if you got 'em) you wanna go and nothing gonna stop you. I wouldn't need to convince you. Right?

Cool. Now if I tell you I got two shovels, meet me at 3am, me and you gonna dig up some shit in the cemetery, not only will you think I'm crazy but you'll give me all the excuses in the world not to go. It's 3 am, it's manual labor involved, we could get arrested or worse possessed. Fuck no. Right? Cool.

I could impose, bring up wild shit I've done for you in the past, or how often I was there when you needed me.. But for what? You don't wanna do it. No matter what I try to force .. You still won't wanna do it. And sometimes you REALLY don't wanna do it if I force it on you. It's like natural for us to resist what's being pushed on us. Think about it. If you gotta push up I clearly didn't want it.

*think about those flyers people pass out. Standing there smack dab in the middle of sidewalk traffic screaming their promotions, hand out with the flyer .. You don't glance .. Shit you not even tryna make eye contact, but somehow that flyer will be waved in your face and even pushed on to your hand ... Naturally you'll wave it away and keep it moving, you really don't want it at this point. But think of those people who take the flyers trying to be nice, what they do as soon as they're out of sight? Toss that flyer.

Don't be the person handing out the flyer or you'll end up like the flyer.

I hateeee imposing things on people. I love when people do things because they want to. Genuinely want to, not because I asked 1,828,283 times .. That's annoying for both parties. And people do things better when they want to, not as carelessly as its done when it feels like you HAVE too.

Perfect example with guys.

If we're getting to know each other.. The more you get to know about me you'll know what I like, don't like, pet peeves, energy boosts.. Depending how interested you are in me ...

I always determine how much a guy is interested in me by how much thought he puts into things including me. Even if he don't say it, because I get to know people so well so quickly, I can tell whether or not thought was put into something based on how much I know about them. I ask vague like questions but the answers and actions say more about you than the actual question, I never make it hot. I just make a note and keep it moving.

I accept men for who they are, that's why I pride myself in knowing who I'm dealing with. The better I feel I know you, the better I can assess how this would work; if it can work to begin with. I don't ask for a man to change his ways. I don't demand things. Demanding things is usually a sign of something missing. To require something from one who doesn't seem willing is a waste of time for me. Idk about everybody else.

I noticed some women pride themselves to changing men, I'm not one. You either wasting time; waiting on the change or get left with the change. Very rare I hear of anything else. I'm not with it.

I shouldn't have to ask you for anything. I shouldn't have to demand for special treatment or time. You should want to give me these things, you should want to be everything I need because you feel I'm everything you need. And seeing me in even the slightest negative mood should bother you, and anything I wanna pursue.. You're right there, not because I asked you to be but because there's no other place you rather be. And seeing things you'll know I like and getting it for me is more instinct than careful planning. Pushing me when I get overwhelmed and feel I'm not enough for the world.. Reminding me how you feel by showing me you care and be so attentive it's scary. Scary like forgetting I mentioned something but your actions reminded me I said it, and you, actually.. listened.

You know how rare that is? No man will ever do it by force. It will never feel the same forced. That's why I never ask for that. I don't impose that. Not everyone willing to give that. To just anybody anyway.

I'm willing to give that, not just to anybody as well.

I often drift away and lose touch with guys who try to pursue me but its not really me. It really be them, I can't tell them that because they'll take it way more personally but it's like c'mon. You not really that into me so who you tryna fool me or you? If we talk more about you than me, you're not that into me. If you not interested in what I do with my life, you're not that into me. If you're not thinking of ways to "court me" instead of "score with me" .. You really not that interested in me. And that's okay.

I understand men just wanna fuck. I fully comprehend that. And if you let them, men will fuck you. Doesn't mean they like you .. Just means their dick got hard and it seems a little bit gay if they don't fuck (unless they're tryna be faithful). So knowing this, I'm very -_- nonchalant to say the least when I'm pursued. But don't be mad if I don't let you fuck because I feel you're not that into me .. Or if I stop fucking you because of that. (Feelings do fade) like I said I don't impose, I just let go.

Because the best things happen naturally.. No force needed. If you feel you're doing too much, Stop. that means you're under appreciated. When you're appreciated you're willing to give more.. If you feel like you need to fall back .. Fall all the way back. Don't force it, if anything force yourself to move on.

I tried forcing a scenario once .. He played the role so well he set the standards .. I guess he either got ti(red) of playing it or said fuck it, he got me. Idk. Probably both. But I tried to bring that back, remind him of what used to be. What had got me so hooked and I wanted a fix so bad. I wanted that man back. Not the person who stood before me taking me for granted, making me feel like I wasn't good enough anymore. And that's a horrible feeling when those same eyes used to look at you like he saw a new day, now look at you like it's just another day. That's so wack. And instead of just forcing myself to move on, I tried to force him. And he just got worse. And when it finally hit me, it was over ..this is it. I ran away and never looked back.

I know better, and I've found better.. Which always makes me glad I don't impose.

Never try to force it, but somehow they tend to gravitate in my orbit.

Forcing pushes what you want away. Accepting people for who they are always makes them want to be a better person cause of you. But you have to truly love who they are.

Telling someone you love them but want to alter things about them is not love, it's selfish. You trying to customize a person for you when this person has customized themselves their entire life for them. You rejecting any piece of them is still rejecting them. People aren't too fond of rejection. Accepting people for who they are is saying, I love you for who you are right now; and although you have potential to be better than this, THIS is good enough.

And if it isn't good enough for you, don't impose .. Just let go.

Bird bitches.

Warning; if any of the following offends you .. You are a bird bitch. Don't deny it any longer, just accept it and grow from this. If it don't apply, let it fly and enjoy the ride.

Bird bitches are different breed branch from the female tree.

Please learn to identify the bird bitch from the "bird".. Yes there's a difference.

Every female has a little "bird" in her (busting out the chicken head when hood hop come on) the same way every female has a little "hoe" in her (twerking when dodo(do the?) brown play in the club).. But the bird bitch. Oh they are in a league of their own.

How do you spot a bird bitch, you might be asking (Tyrone biggums voice) ..

It's in the attitude.

Check for the females who's ego is bigger than her actual presence.

Depending on where she's from, her style may vary.. but no matter what they wear the bird bitch will always think she's the best thing since febreeze. That's always not the case.

Because you see, the bird bitch comes in many shades and sizes .. Some may not be physically attractive and some might be, but because they are bird bitches.. They're one in the same.

Ugly bird bitches don't get it as hard as the attractive ones (ugly bird bitches blame their looks for their lack of approaches, when in reality it's because not only are you a bird bitch, you're not even attractive which just makes it worse) .. The attractive ones get approached more, but once the bird bitch reveals herself .. They get left just as quickly as they were approached. So they go around thinking men ain't shit when in reality they're not shit ..(you are what you attract) and they'll use their "beauty" as a crutch to gain attention and try to add reassurance to fill that void that she can't explain.

I mean she can, but she doesn't even wanna admit she's a bird bitch.

Are you a bird bitch? .. Lets dig a little.

All bird bitches use the same logic.
Bird Bitch Logic.

Bird bitch logic; the logic in which a bitch w| bird tendencies expects more than she's willing to give due to her sense of self-entitlement.

Bird bitch logic sets standards on men that they wish to reach but don't think they can without a man.

Bird bitch logic says that the image is more important than the reality of it.

Bird bitch logic makes everyone else's life around her more difficult because she refuses to accept responsibility for her own action.. And she justifies this by blaming everyone else who won't feed into her traps.


Bird bitches are always looking for a come up.. through someone else. Their logic tells them they are entitled to this because to even breathe the same air as them? You gotta pay up, or make yourself useful to them.

You see the bird bitch isn't wrong for having a mind frame of that sort. You should always feel your worthy .. But you should always know your worth. And if you look and discover you aren't worth much, you up your stock. (Yeezy taught me)

The problem with bird bitches is they expect everything but give nothing.

Not by choice either.

Bird bitches spend their lives feeding off other people, never building or working towards their own.. So nothing they ever have lasts long.

Anything they received were through other people .. So as they get left (bird bitches run through so many people throughout a lifetime) the bird bitches has to keep a revolving door, they rely on others .. They can not be without others.

Bird bitches don't fish, they eat.

They don't wanna learn, for what? They got fisherman lined up .. They gonna eat regardless bc closed legs don't get fed. And bird bitches busting open by any means necessary.

And when they have kids????

Lorddddd I pray for any man who plays an active role in their child's life and the mother is a bird bitch.

The kid is an asset and a liability. She ain't have to fish, she just pushed out a kid. Bird bitches seem to be really fertile. Kids are like live bait on a fishing rod for bird bitches, they just swing the rod out and reel in the findings. I've witnessed bird bitches raise kids and its always so sad. Kids being used as pawn and bird bitches can't play checkers, let alone chess .. It always ends up messy, no child should endure that. But unless we have a DP (department of parenting) and you have to get a license to be suited fit for parenting, we really have no say in how one raises their child. Bird bitch or not.

Bird bitch prey on men who have everything going for themselves but lack something, maybe excitement .. A bird bitch always down for some fun especially if its gonna lead to some funds. The bird bitches put on performances to seduce their prey and they do this very well, I mean they don't really know anything else.

Bird bitches aren't educated. Idc how much schooling they've have, I'm not speaking book smart anyway .. If they knew better, they'd do better.

The main characteristic in a bird bitch is denial.

They're aren't aware. And I don't mean just publicly.. I mean even when they're alone, self reflecting (which is rare for the bird bitch, majority aren't enlightened), they never question things and actions they do because nothing is ever their fault.

They're always in the middle of something, always got a new boyfriend/step daddy for their kids. Making public scenes, confrontational, easily offended, mildly retarded, know more about Hollywood current events than what's going with their kids at school, barely with their kids.. Bird bitches the type to argue with their mother or usual sitter because they wanna go out and nobody wants to watch their kid. Bitch, you don't even wanna watch your own kid, why should anyone else?

Or the bird bitches who say fuck this, take their kids with them to their 'clearly not suitable for children' environment; baby ray ray in her left hand, snotty nose, dirty tshirt (or extremely fresh.. Bird bitches don't know in betweens) her styrofoam cup (what's in my cup stays in my cup) filled with nut crackers from the nigga down the block in her right hand. I always wonder how those kids will grow up and my heart aches when I see some of them grow up. You see the resentment in their eyes for their bird bitch of a mother.

Don't be a bird bitch. No man wants that, no child wants that. Only you can change you, bird bitches never die. They get old and bitter.

Kill the bird bitch inside you.

Only chance for survival. Bird bitches weren't made to survive, they're made to be used til they can't be used anymore.. Then tossed back into the wild, a little piece of them gone with each toss .. And a little more lost. Smh

Feel free to use the bird bitch, a bird bitch will certainly use you.

Some bird bitches are a little more clever than the others, so beware.. Just identify that she is one from the beginning and handle her accordingly.

Hope you bird bitches find your souls ..
Hope those of you who deal with them on a regular don't get caught in their web of deception.

Bird bitches only care about themselves. Remember that.

Reflection time ..

I always try to check in with myself frequently, make sure I'm not getting ahead of myself and I'm fully aware of what's going on around me and in my mind. I take this shit seriously lol too many lost souls wandering the streets, I'm pretty sure that's a result of not checking in. Funny, alot of people are so quick to give out reality checks to others but haven't cashed in any for themselves.

Anywho, the end of the year is approaching and we survived what was rumo(red) to be the end of the world. I do believe it was the end, it was the end of the bullshit. And as a new era is approaching .. I gotta reflect in depth.

Now I lay at night and reflect on my day .. I do this everyday faithfully. Always good to replay the daily events, but when you glance back on an overview of your life within certain time intervals you see more of a difference than you do with your daily reviews. And although there's things I wish I could change, I don't dwell on it. For what was, made today what it is.

This year has certainly taught me alot. Shit, I went through alot, way more than I'll ever speak on. There were nights I really cried (yes, I know I couldn't believe it either) with no clue as to what the next day held .. But here I am. Still standing. And even more hopeful than I have ever been in my entire life. I have an idea of what the future holds because I know what I want out of life .. But to the extent as to how I'll receive it, is beyond me. And it took me some time but I finally understand that it's okay.

I don't have to know exactly how things are gonna turn out, just knowing they're going to turn into a reality is enough for me now.

I remember being really stressed, frustrated and couldn't understand what the fuck was I doing wrong, I was voicing my concerns with one of my realest friends and as I pou(red) my soul to her (which I do quite often) "I think it's my attitude, I try to get everything I want, exactly how I want. And if I can't have it how I want it, I don't want it." I went to check my horoscope (yes, I do believe in astrology, shit has proven its accuracy and zodiac isn't what it used to be..bullshit) and its like the people who wrote my horoscope was eavesdropping and answe(red) my concerns. "You have your mind set on things working out a certain way, so if what you want presents itself in another form, you'll neglect it. open up your mind and allow something even better than you can imagined to come into your life" I paraphrased it, there was more, but boy did it make my jaw drop.

I thought about it, and came to the conclusion that I had to change that aspect of myself. I wouldn't say I'm a perfectionist (I don't like to label myself for personal reasons) but I like for things to be structu(red) to my liking. I'm very understanding to others but rarely am I ever understanding of things not working for me exactly how I want it. Once I finally grasped that I can't control every single aspect of my life, I learned to truly go with the flow. Instead of just going with the flow I created somehow someway, I learned how to adjust my sails as I flowed with the natural order of things.

It's not easy. Lord knows it took me some time, heavy dedication. But it was worth it, I wanted to change. And it worked. It really worked. Things started looking up or maybe I just got ti(red) of feeling down. Either way, I'm happy I took that route. I can now say as the year ends.. I have nothing but great feelings for the new year.. I made a two year list and I already crossed two of the main things on that list before this year ended. I can only imagine what the next year alone awaits.

Everything I ever wanted is slowly becoming a reality in my life, of course not in the EXACT way I wanted it, but my horoscope was not lying about better things than I imagined falling together. And I couldn't be more happier.. I mean I could, but right now is what matters and I'm happy.

Of course, I still get upset every now and then. And I still struggle with keeping my mind free of constricted thinking of certain things, but I don't give up. It does get easier, if I get mad it never last long. I realized letting go is the easiest way to get over something. No need to harbor anything negative or negative causing things|thoughts|people in my life.

I'm still not where I need to be, but I don't worry about that .. Where I'm at now, is gonna get me there. That I have no doubt in. The seeds I've planted, the ones I'm planting are going to blossom beautifully, I have no doubt in that as well. I've told myself doubt is not apart of my vocabulary unless NO in front of it on my Gwen stefani shit. In the past I've doubted myself plenty of times.. I know why I doubted, and I know why I don't anymore.

The beauty of self-reflection.
You can answer your own questions if you dig deep enough.

The Crayola effect.

8, 16, 24, 48, 64, 96, & 120 packs of crayons available today. So many shades of colors and people still stick to black and white .. And sometimes gray.

Let's compare this to life.

Lets say we all start out with 8 pack of crayons .. And each of those crayons depicts how broad our experiences are .. 8 being minimum, children aren't exposed to much anyway .. Like an 8pack of crayons.

So you got your basic colors and this is what you know.
Red is red. Blue is blue.
But as you expand your horizons you are exposed to different reds, red violet orange red, .. Blue evolves into blue green, blue violet, Indigo ..
You moving up in the crayon world you got the 48pack now.. You know you got more options, and hell you're gonna use them (good for you!) you feeling the colors, using them, knowing when to pull them out and making sure they're sharp. Pretty soon you're speeding up the crayon charts maneuvering swiftly with the 120pack .. Nobody fucking with you. You familiar with colors people still don't know exist and that's just your weekend choices. You out here lending out colors, showing others who just got it, how to blend them. Pretty cool huh? Possibilities must feel endless right? Everyone should wanna fuck with the 120 pack because who doesn't like options?

Some are content with whatever pack of crayons they're at, 48 may seem too much, the 16pack is fine with them .. 120?? Woo not in this life time.
That's fine too.
People should be content with whatever their hearts desire. Some feel all those crayons are just plain greedy while others won't be satisfied until they get that pack. It's all on you.

But let me not stray .. I have a point here. Two actually, but let me finish the first.

A person who has been exposed to the larger quantities of crayons will always be able to get more in depth than those with the knowledge of just an 8pack crayons .. Is the person with the most knowledge of crayons the better person? No, but that person has broken out of a box that many wouldn't have. In life some people don't branch out farther than the 64 pack and that's because it comes with a built in sharpener. (Who doesn't want a built in sharpener??) They are comfortable with the colors they know and don't feel the need to add to the collection. Or... they aren't even aware these colors exist. So they stand strongly by what they know.

When people around you playing with 48packs and you on 24, you might get defensive .. Who's this assshole, doubling up.. 2 good 4 24pack huh?.. Now you're questioning your pack .. All of sudden it looks raggedy, run down, you notice brown's paper is peeling. You're feeling like shit. Why? You too can move up in the crayon world, you can expand ya color pallets .. Regardless of what you're told or taught, you're not restricted to the colors you're used too.


Granted.

I'm using this crayola analogy, because they come in variety and they're kept in a box. Something we humans tend to do. Our box is our mind. We rarely break out our box til we're exposed to "new colors".

Closed minded people would judge everyone they know based on crayons they've been exposed too. They stay within their box. This is all they know.
Open minded people would understand that all crayons are different but serve their purpose in different packs, they may stay in one box, but they've explo(red) several on their journey through crayola world. Lol

Please remember crayon is a metaphor for mentalities/experiences(which alters mentalities, but whatever). I don't wanna lose you. (I'm really talking to myself lol)

Your entire life you been exposed to 16 pack of crayons .. Every person you know fits each crayon in your 16 pack .. Every crayon you meet, you'll feel fits your crayon box criteria .. But what if they weren't in your box? What if no matter how you tried to sort it, that crayon just doesn't fit.
They must be wrong?
Right.
Wrong.
But, of course that's what you'll tell yourself because you don't know any better. Your first thought isn't maybe this crayon belongs in another box, shit you don't even know about any other box; the first thought is what's wrong with this crayon that it doesn't fit? You'll find ways to alter it and force it to fit, instead of accepting it for what it is.


Now, a crayon exposed to 120pack will see a crayon from 64pack and know it belongs there. Won't try to alter it or fix it, just help it finds it's place back in its rightful box. Also, being exposed to different shades of crayons you know there's more than one shade of green, and understand the difference in each shade of green. While a crayon only in the 8pack knows one type of green, so no matter the shade.. To them, green is green.

Now, that may be true depending on what it's being applied to but in this case it isn't. Everyone is truly different. Even if we're in the same pack, no two colors are the same ..

Serve the same purpose, our mark is just different. The shade we leave is whatever we make it to be. Yet these boxes confine us to this reality that all we are is what we know. And we're way more than what we know. We think we know, but in reality we don't know shit. Everyday is a learning experience. And as you're exposed to different experiences(colors), you'll see it's okay to come out your box, you may find you're a better fit elsewhere or you may find that you were in the right box all along, just now you gained a better understanding of the other boxes around you in the process.

Which brings me to my second point ( I know I talk too much, that's why I talk to myself) let's talk about Red from 24pack ..
She explo(red) and found out she's not only red but she's Razzmatazz.. She glowing too, so many nights she tossed and turned wondering where were these deep red flashes coming from in her dreams.. Just to find out she Razzmatazz. Shes accepted among the red area of the 96pack, red orange giving her props, brick red giving her high fives and he head honcho around that end. You go home, back to your 24pack .. Everybody looking at you funny. Red? That you? Oh nah guess what guys? I'm Razzmatazz now......
Razzmatazz ???
*everybody laughs and now you're embarrassed*
They're cracking jokes and you don't understand, you had it all figu(red) out just a few minutes ago and now you feel like a fool. Who am I kiddin? Razzmatazz pshh.. I'll be plain old red forever. :(
*cues worlds tiniest violins*

Wrong. Razzmatazz was right all along. The signs were there and what she was feeling was accurate. Her doubts only came after her encounter with her boxmates, they couldn't see her past red. why would they? they never been outside the box.. But nonetheless, she was born a red, she would grow up to be Razzmatazz thus the red shades flashes in her dream .. But she never knew how to identify who she was because she was in the wrong box. The box was right for them, but for Razzmatazz it wasn't. But everyone assumed it was, who were they to question anything? They thought they knew it all. So imagine them accepting Razzmatazz as one of their own when they're used to her being red? And Razzmatazz is just too different for their box. They won't. They'll try to break her down and mold her into what they want, for her to fit in that box again, which is awkward for everybody. If she moves on to another box, she's a traitor. If she stays, she's betraying herself. What does she do?

Everyone at some point will betray you, you can't control that. but you can control betraying yourself. You owe yourself that much, to never let yourself down. Even if all the crayons are looking at you shady.. Fuck that. Stand by your color and if you wanna leave your box, you can. People will judge you by the box you came from, the box you're in, the shade of your tip and which crayons you're coloring with (yes that is a SATC reference)... But as long as you're comfortable with your shade. Can't nobody tell you shit. Not even brown.