theSaint&theSinner.

thought to self.

2011-02-26T14:51:00.002-05:00

progress is being made, I just have to take it to the next level.

Ah Sundays

2011-01-30T13:32:00.000-05:00

I absolutely love Sundays. the whole relaxation thing is me. A day to just relax and prepare for the week ahead. It's early still, so I'ma gonna go do some homework and hit the gym. I like my schedule, I'm taking some interesting classes. I'm trying to stay focused and start a routine where I make sure everything that needs to be done, gets done. I have faith and motivation, that should be enough for now.

howdyy

2011-01-26T23:30:00.000-05:00

I'm back at school for a few days. Today was my second day of class and it's going pretty well .. I'm still adjusting and transiting to a time frame where I sleep all night and stay up all day. I need to get a balance of time.

"Patience is key"

Grind time.

2011-01-22T18:04:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I will be going back to school .. I must say, this vacation went by soo fast. But i'm not stressing it. I gotta go back and get this semester started w| .. finally.

Your body is a temple.

2011-01-17T19:00:00.000-05:00

I like to view the human body as a house, an apartment .. a place of residence to say the least. Our thoughts, our emotions and soul lives in our bodies. Permanent residence until we die (lol). And of course like any place of residence we undergo renovations, people change their appearances often as they grow into the person they're supposed to become. Some people lose control and are unhappy w| how they look, the same feeling you have when you move into an apartment or a house that needs work done. The feeling a comfort is priceless, to me anyway, I feel like in order to be completely happy you have to comfortable in your own skin, And looks aren't everything but if you're not happy w| how you look change it. That includes w| how you feel on the inside. Like a house you can't put up a house on the market that needs work, you won't get alot of buyers. If you know you have issues you need to deal w| or questions you don't have answers too, don't get into a relationship. No one wants to deal w| a mess, No one wants to be w| someone who is not even sure of themselves. Now there are some people in this world who are willing to deal w| someone with problems because they themselves have their own problems or they feel as if they can change the world (these people tend to be very controlling) Either way it's not healthy, and usually doesn't end up well. If you're gonna put your "house" on the market make sure the outside reflects the inside in every positive way as possible. w| relationships, knowing what you're getting into is an advantage, surprises are nice here and there as long as they don't come w| bad news, you don't want to devote time and effort into a relationship that is going to fall apart because one of you doesn't have it all together. And when I mean have it all together I mean within yourselves. Not within a relationship, a strong relationship takes time and problems will arise that's not the issue. the issue is emotionally unstable people trying to mask their emotions by pouring their hearts into a relationship they know they are definitely not ready for. If you can't make yourself happy, how can you make someone else happy ? Your happiness counts first and foremost, Once you're happy everything else will fall into place. Before you have standards for other people you must have standards for yourself. Bring up your value, Reupholster your pussy or dick (without the help of Yeezy .. lol) do whatever it is you feel you need to do to make your body, your soul the exact way you want it. The moral of the story is, Don't sell your self short, be the person you would love to be w| ..

"Whatever you do, make it mean something to you."

Soo ...

2011-01-16T21:15:00.000-05:00

Idk what happened, no wait I do. I stopped. dead in my tracks and I realized. I gotta let go of certain things. I HAVE to make certain things happen and I am. I have a few days til I get back to school. Fresh start, new semester (my last) And since in my house there's alot of negativity. I can't wait til I go back to school where I can have my positive environment.

Sigh

2011-01-10T09:45:00.000-05:00

This was not a good weekend for me. I tend to talk about my problems once I have them figu(red) out .. So I'll post what's wrong when I make it right.

I'm hearing voices, I think I'm schizophrenic.

2011-01-07T20:43:00.001-05:00

*Rick Ross voice* I don't actually think I'm schizophrenic .. I do have several "sides" to me, which I will take the time out to break it down.

The Stubborn me: the reason I'm so driven is cause I really don't give a fuck what other people have to say, on what I should do, what I do or how I do something. I like to do things on my own, make my own mistakes. If I fall I bounce right back. I never ever been a follower, It just doesn't sit right w| me .. I'm a firm believer in accepting all responsibilities for your actions. People always want to blame others for their actions because they listened to others advice on how to act. Well if you do what you want and shit don't work you can only blame yourself, cause when you listen to others and things fail, you sit there and think .."damn I should've never listened to so and so"

The "Selfish" me: I put my happiness before others. Sometimes making others happy makes me very happy. But in the end I always put my best interest first. I don't want to settle for anything less then the best of anything .. I want the finest things for myself .. and that includes the best people around me. I have goals and only I can reach them so I will stop at nothing and some people call me selfish .. If that's selfish .. so be it.

The Sensitive me: Alot of people wouldn't call me sensitive .. in fact they would probably call me a bitch, but that's because I don't show this side often. I love watching romance movies and reading love stories .. A little piece of me wishes Fairy Tale endings existed and tears at sad endings in movies. My heart aches when I see homeless people and animals. But I don't show my sensitive side because emotions get you hurt, so I preserve mine. The sensitive in me is the most of a girly girl I'll ever be. Guys I'm interested in see more of a girly sensitive side, but rarely cause I like to keep a poker face. lol It might seem silly to some, might make sense to others, but this way works best for me.

The Bitch in me: Everyonee knows this side of me very welll .. I get called a bitch or coldhearted cause I know how the real world works, I have this realist mentality that doesn't take bullshit from anyone. Whenever I say what I'm thinking .. I don't censor my thoughts, I don't try to hurt anyone's feelings .. But I say what I mean and I mean what I say. You can take it how you want, If you don't understand what I'm saying, I'll be happy to elaborate but don't get upset cause of how I feel or what I think of a situation .. that's one of the dumbest shit I ever heard, getting mad at someone for their opinion. I don't take many things personal and I don't give a fuck who feels some type of way. You can't be nice .. people walk all over nice, I don't like people walking over me.

The Guy in Me: According to my roommate I'ma boy .. According to most my guys friends, I'm one of them. I like Video Games, I watch ESPN (not all day), I love sports. Music wise .. Oh man we can go on all day. I get wasted like they do and I'm a chill person .. I can take a joke and I'm not sca(red) to be myself, I guess I'm going to always be a tomboy at heart. At a young age I always felt more comfortable w| guys, w| girls .. Everything was a competition, who's the prettiest, who had the most guys, how we dressed and all this other bullshit I never ca(red) about. w| guys I can just hang out in sweats and a bun on top of my head and they don't give a fuck except who rolling up this time. They come to me all the time asking girl advice and I'm guilty of giving them lines to get into girls draws. but Hey, they fell for it. When it's time to go out, and I look like a "girl" (thats what they tell me) they get all over protective of me.. like the older brothers I feel they are, and sometimes it's annoying but I love my guys I know they have their best interest at heart and I wouldn't change that, I love the fact that people want the best for me.

*All these little pieces of me combined is who I am .. I mean there's more depth to it, but Its a nice little insight. I wouldn't change who I am for the world. I love who I am and who I'm becoming.

Ehh ...

2011-01-06T20:29:00.000-05:00

My days have been blending together, my sleeping pattern is worse than ever .. but progress takes time. I can't wait for mother nature to leave .. I hate when she comes to visit. I didn't write yesterday cause I slept the day away .. Today I just listened to music and took it easy .. I get real bitchy when I'm going through my lady things. whatever. anywho I'm trying to figure out when I'm going back to school in reference to how I'm getting back and all this other bullshit .. I hate packing and arranging transportation. I really wanna buy a car, but I want an apartment first. So a car has to wait. Almost a week into the new year and I have yet to feel discouraged. I am still all giddy w| excitement about the plans I have. : )

Daily Quote:
Best position of my life, My future looking bright. - Nipsey Hussle

Just me and my .. music.

2011-01-04T21:23:00.000-05:00

I love music, no I really .. Love music. No matter the genre, if I like a song, I like it. The beat especially. If the lyrics are REAL .. I am in love. I love when I hear music and I feel. No matter the feeling, whether it be good, bad, I love it. I am always in auto pilot. Music makes me feel alive. Some songs give me goosebumps, some bring tears to my eyes, while others make my heart warm .. and if the song is EXTRA real .. I feel everything at once, it's a beautiful feeling. I can listen to music all day. I listen so hard .. I learn word for word of any song after like 3 listens. I take music very serious. I love Rap and Hip Hop .. R&B, Pop anything that makes me feel something. When I'm sad, I listen to music, It uplifts me. I relate to all songs, if I experienced it, Don't wanna experience it, or wanna experience it. There's a song for those three categories .. I feel some people listen to music because of WHO is on it .. I listen to music because of WHAT is being said. I'm listening to music as we speakk .. Ashes to Ashes by Rick Ross .. Trill shit. lol
Not feeling too good, but my music is helping me out. bout to pop a advil pm and drink some ginger ale. Mother nature came to visit me .. smh

Daily Quote:
Music is my hot sex - CSS

Just a thought.

2011-01-03T21:54:00.001-05:00

I try my hardest not to judge people, and to look at things from both sides of the fence. I am aware everyone views life differently and have their own perception of right and wrong. but I feel certain things aren't acceptable no matter how you look at. There is an unwritten code of conduct that people should follow. I feel 'Be True to Yourself' is at the top of the list. I can not even begin to explain how much I hate when a person tries to portray something they are not. Lying about what they do, what they have and even who their with. Somewhere in their small minds they believe everything they say while proof of otherwise is clearly visible. I am all about self-improvement and doing things to better yourself, if you don't like your appearance or how you handle certain things, then by all means change it. But to lie, and hide behind this mask as if your this one person when you're truly someone else is truly disturbing. I tend to stay away from people like that. I can't not deal w| liars and frauds. I know a handful of people who lie about the littlest things to impress people who can careless. The attention seekers who lie about lifestyles and make every little simple situation a complex one are truly annoying. I've dealt w| people like that in my past, and I always felt bad .. but at the same time I felt fake, knowing I didn't want to be around this person because the lies were too much but not wanting to be a super bitch and hurt their feelings so I just avoided them from time to time. People like this are everywhere, in school, at home, even at work .. People like that are so self-absorbed and usually have this level of unhappiness w| themselves so they fabricate another life which seems more appealing. There's no helping them. Telling them "about themselves" only results in wasted breaths and pointless arguments. My advice to anyone dealing w| someone like that, just cut off all ties. Trust me you're better off. But that's just me .. and this is just a thought.

Daily Quote:
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain

Happy triggers.

2011-01-02T20:12:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to take the time out and list some of the things that make me happy. :)

Full battery on cellphone/iPod
Finding money
Listening to my favorite songs
Smiling
Food
Shoppin (of course)
Finding the last item in your size
when I have a good day
when cute guys randomly text me
Craving something and instantly getting it
Watching movies.
Hanging out w| my friends
Jokes
When my hair is done
Fresh laundry
When I get good grades after I worked hard.
Speaking my mind.

*I could go on but I rather not. lol

Daily Quote:

A multitude of small delights constitutes happiness. - Charles Baudelaire

1-1-11

2011-01-01T20:42:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year everyone. :-)

I had a great time last night. Brought the new year in drunk and high as hell with friends I care about dearly. Way better then last year (I fell asleep at 11pm woke up at 3am .. sounds fun right ? blehh) but anywho, the first day of the year was pretty chill. Ate some lasagna, had some cake. Pretty much spent the day watching movies w| my mom. I love 500 days of summer (we just finished watching that) .. I can watch this movie everyday, it's that good. I have yet to get ti(red) of it. Starting tomorrow (today is my recovery day lol) I'm going to begin my workout. I have a month til I go back to class, I would like work on my figure, I want the flat stomach for the summer time so I can flaunt around in crop tops w| no insecurity. So the plan is to do a workout for 30 minutes once in the morning, once at night; everyday til I return to school and am able to use the gym free of charge. Let's see what happens .. I also have been gettin more than 4 hours of sleep lately, so that's good. I'm just trying to take it one step at a time, and i'm trying to be more organized and less lazy. lol I don't have New year resolutions, I have yearly deadlines. hehe

Daily Quote:
Quality is never an accident; it is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives. - William A. Foster

2010 Finale

2010-12-31T18:41:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year's eve everyone. Today I'm gonna spend time w| my family then after midnight w| some of my closest friends. some drinking, smoking and pure fun. This is a short post since I still have to make the lasagna, do my hair, shower and get ready. I hope everyone is safe and has a great time w| people they love. Despite your luck w| this year or any year prior, the fact that we are even alive to welcome yet another year is amazing. Happy New Years eve. :) .. see you in 2011

Daily quote:
time isn't wasted, unless you're getting wasted - Asher Roth

Rise and Shine.

2010-12-30T07:17:00.001-05:00

I've been up for about an hour now, which I think is progress .. due to the fact I usually would be going to sleep around this time. I took nyquil pills to help me plus I'm getting sick (or was, I think the pills did miracles) I had a nightmare that Zombies were out to get me and I was all alone, real I am Legend shit, I don't like dreams like that. At all. I'm watching a movie called The Right Temptation, pretty good actually. I kinda wished I was asleep for more than 6 hours but I feel rested so I won't complain. Anyway I did my laundry yesterday so I feel like I accomplished something (I love the smell of clean clothes) and since I've given up hope on finding a temp. job for the winter break, I'm going to do other things to preoccupy my time. Like work on my fitness, take an online winter mini and try to be more healthy. I love food but I don't wanna be all grease on the inside, plus alot of healthy food are tasting better than ever. I feel I'm growing rapidly as a person, on the inside anyway, but I want the change to show on the outside too. I must admit I do feel good about this, and as the new year approaches, I pray I don't get discouraged. for an Optimistic I can be pretty pessimistic. "Baby steps" is what I tell myself .. Patience is definitely key. (side note; this movie is toooo good .. ugh the suspense. If you happen to catch it on cable pr netflix, watch it) well good morning to everyone and I hope you make the best out this day, I know I will.

Daily Quote:
We must become the change we want to see. - Mahatma Gandhi

... reunited.

2010-12-29T03:14:00.001-05:00

Hey, it's been a long time, like usual .. and I won't say I haven't updated because I don't have time .. because that is far from true. I have all the time in the world. Things just been hectic .. I want to do to much but don't know where to start. I need order, some type of self organization where life isn't as chaotic as I make it. Sure a little chaos is fine every now and then, but I have been stressing the littlest things and forgetting .. I'm still a teenager ( I'll be 20 in June ) the year is almost over and I can't say it's been good to me, I'm glad it's over. I'm not hoping that 2011 will be a better year, I'm going to make it a better year. For awhile now I've been looking at life as if the glass is half empty, instead of half full. That is all about to change somewhere in between finals, packing to come home for the winter break and realizing I'm going to be 20 hit me. I'm not happy, I have been waiting for things to happen, everything I accomplished was because of the few times I actually stood up and did something about it. So since clearly hard work pays off, I'm going to work harder .. instead of hardly working. I have little things I want to make apart of my regular routine since I feel I've been leading a boring life (my standard definition of boring). One of them being blogging more, I know I know, I always write that same line after months of hiatus. But I like expressing myself and I can't keep a diary for shit, I need somewhere to have my thoughts recorded. plus I don't have many followers so I don't even think people will read this .. but whoever is reading this ..*kudos to you .. welcome to my mind : )* - I'll feel dumb if no one ever reads it. lol anywhoo back to the point, I guess you can say I had a revelation .. I'm like a phoenix,I got hot and burned to death so my re-birth is soon to come. hehe : ) welcome me back blogger, I'll be here more often.

Nightly Quote to sleep on:
Happiness is not a possession to be prized, it is a quality of thought, a state of mind. - Daphine Du Maurier

laptop blues ..

2010-06-22T23:14:00.000-04:00

before i left school someone dropped my laptop (that person is still unknown) and the screen is bleeding in the right hand corner. sometimes the screen shakes making it very hard to use. andd to top it off some buttons are gone. -_____- and i have online classes so it makes it veryy hard.
i'm buying a new one soon. i realllyyy want a macbook. but i might have to settle for something a lil more in my price range. i have alot i need to get. so yeah i'm pissed. but i'll be okay .. lol

eh ... : \

2010-06-20T02:35:00.000-04:00

hmm .. idk any more .. honestly, it seems all my logic seems to be getting poked holes at. it's like i'm running on a treadmill no matter how hard i run, i stay in the same place. -_-

oh yeah happy father's day to all the true fathers out there ant the mother who play daddies ..

2:55am

2010-06-15T03:00:00.000-04:00

and i'm on the phone w| him ..
playing musical trivia.
lmfao it's corny i know.
but i can't stop smiling cause it's cute.
aww <3

help ? .. never mind.

2010-06-14T22:38:00.001-04:00

well i've been home for about a month now. still no job -_- it's kinda frustrating because there's alot of things i want and need .. and i'm not trying to depend on my mother forever (not like she'll let me) but anyways, i'm sitting here thinking bout my life .. (my birthday was on Thursday) and it's weird. when i was a little kid i swore by 19 i'll have my own apartment a car and just having the time of my lifee .. now let me check .. own apartment ? nope. own car ? not yet. having the time of my life ? not today. so that makes me think well if nothing comes out as planned, or as i thought. imagine 10 years from now ? where will i be ? will i be a socialite therapist w| a killer body a closet to die for and everything else i wanna be ? or will i be just another woulda coulda .. i feel i need to change how i orbit. i tend to be a slacker, i'm smart i know what i'm capable of .. i just tend to be extra lazy .. and that's not gonna get me anywhere. so *shrugs* change is good no ? well i'm starting to do little things to change my habit .. baby steps .. baby steps. lol

hey there

2010-06-02T05:18:00.001-04:00

`god it's been awhile .. it's been crazy .. so much has happened. but i'm back. i plannn on really seriously updating more often .. just thoughts and shit. i re-read everything i've written on here and i surprise myself sometimes. i'm really fake smart.

well i'll have a topic for later on today : )

shame on me.

2010-01-13T17:18:00.001-05:00

if blogspot was my child, ACS would've arrested me for child neglection .. lol

i'm mad at myself for not keeping up w| this ..

so it's 2010 and i don't believe in resolutions, simply because promises get broken.
i still have goals .. and will keep doing everything in my power to achieve them ..

got a few topics i wanna discuss .. but that's for another post.

=)

Babyyy i'm Back, Back, Back.

2009-12-18T21:04:00.001-05:00

yes.. my first semester of college is finally over .. i'm now back home ..
i can honestly say my first semester is certainly one to remember. i'm happy to be home although i am not feeling to well. i think i'm coming down w| something, oh yeah i made a tumblr [ Http://CrissyWHO.tumblr.com ] just for pics and stuff .. i refuse to abandon blogspot more then i have already .. lol but i am hoping for this winter break to be really unexpected and fun. well i'm going to try and keep posting a lil more regular .. bare w| me. =)

til later.

Lord knows

2009-12-12T05:27:00.001-05:00

"Too many guys think I’m a concept, or I complete them, or I’m gonna make them alive. But I’m just a fucked-up girl who’s lookin’ for my own peace of mind; don’t assign me yours." - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Lord knows that shit is soo true .. like i honestly don't understand why Guys try to G' me so hard ? like yeah, i can admit i feel i am an attractive young lady but some guys fake act like i was put here on earth for them .. and i guess that's supposed to be flattering but alot of times it isn't. or maybe its just i swear every guy is trying to run game and try to score in home court. who knows [ kanye shrug ]

Fair Warning.

2009-12-08T04:41:00.001-05:00

Straight to the point .. i tend to think alot. so i'll just roam from topic to topic .. i have a few topics i wanna discuss, just because i discuss doesn't necessarily mean i'm feeling some sort of way .. it may just mean i choose to discuss it .. because i find it interesting.

keep that in mind when reading all of my posts.

Liars. People who don't speak truth. men lie, women lie. point blank people lie.
get over it. as much as we would like to be honest, every once in a while you lie. something little something big, to protect someone's feelings or covering your own back; whatever the reason is , people LiE.

when is lying acceptable ?
in my eyes, never .. i feel everyone should 'keep it a buck' as i like to say. signals don't get crossed, Feelings are spa(red) early on, fewer people get hurt. the problem is this, we either assume the other person can't handle the truth, or that we can't handle they reaction. most of the time we're wrong and sometimes we're right. sometimes somethings are better left unsaid .. sometimes the truth isn't enough, sometimes that person deserves better. but when you build a web of lies, you often get tangled. whatever you do in the dark comes to light, three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead. all these quotes are true, especially in a initmate relationship, you shouldn't lie to your spouse you should always be honest and build a trust that nothing is kept hidden. cause with out trust there is nothing. that applies to all relationships, family, and friend wise. so next time you're considering lying .. just think whats the worse .. lying and possibly getting caught in the lie ? or simply accepting responsibility and being Honest.

weedandlust. =)

you know what they say ..

2009-12-04T04:31:00.001-05:00

"you can take the nigga out the hood;

but you can't take the hood out the nigga"

i noticed that even at college, some people just can't leave the "hood mind" in the hood. like it's some people that just are out to cheat the gov't. but little do they realize they gov't. been cheating us. its the blow when we are 3 hours away from the city to better ourselves and grow as individuals, yet here we are acting like we're still in the "hood". the same rules don't apply. i can honestly say i feel safer at school then i do at home. and that's because people are fucking nuts ! everybody is losing their fucking minds cause 2012 is dique the end of the world. but let me not digress, the point is, its quite sad when the place that supposed to help you better yourself is full of people not trying to move on .. LET'S GET TOGETHER peoplee ! damn, ignorance is not acceptable if you choose not to grow.

just wanted to get that off my chest. Later.

Truth is . . .

2009-12-02T03:15:00.001-05:00

You know what I think hurts the most? The feeling of being replaced. It’s like no matter what you did, it wasn’t enough. And no matter what you do to try and capture their heart again, doesn’t seem to work. And you’re suddenly left thinking that you’ll never be enough. And a sudden sadness captures your heart that never really leaves.
— JoAnne Golden

HAPPY FUCKiN THANKSGiViNG =)

2009-11-26T13:52:00.003-05:00

the Bronxxxx babyy

2009-11-24T03:03:00.002-05:00

i've return to my home. i've been here since saturday and i'm soooo happyyyy ...

pics and stories later .

shit is hectic

2009-11-21T05:02:00.001-05:00

i will be back up ..

they whisper that i've lost the race ..

2009-11-19T21:21:00.002-05:00

but i won't fucking stop.

i'm in love

i love college ?

2009-11-13T03:21:00.001-05:00

umm ... i'm not too suree but in the am i'm meeting w| my adviser and we're creating my classes for the spring semester. i'm really gonna spend a few hours in there; i'm really considering a winter mini as well. i really wanna get out in 4 semesters.

i'll let you guys [ for those who care ] know how it all goes tomorrow.

gonna watch Family Guy til i fall asleep.

night. =)

Happy Veteran's Day

2009-11-11T17:36:00.000-05:00

although i am not pro war ..

i do think the people who are bold enough to fight

for this corrupt country does need their own day ..

i had family who went to war

and i have family who are in the navy.

so happy veteran's day to all

let's all get wasted.

2009-11-09T05:18:00.001-05:00

yeah i get high, so what if i get drunk ?

Last i checked i was 18 years old.

meaning i'm old enough to know right from wrong,

and if i'm living wrong .. i don't want to be right.

idgaf what people think of me.

i live for me.

cause i only got one life to live and i wanna live it up.

if someone doesn't approve,

then they can approve these nuts.

i gave up a long time ago

trying to please others.

i do what i want, when i want,

how i want and with who i want.

who are you to judge ?

"And no rules, i'm only 18, tryna get my body full of tats and keep my swag on mean." - yours truly.

give credit where it's due.

i'm hungry.

2009-11-08T15:50:00.002-05:00

i'm always hungry .. i tend to eat alottt .. i'm picky as well .. but lately, i been eating more then usual .. and i think its cause i'm bo(red) .. hmm..

bring out the violins.

2009-11-04T18:38:00.002-05:00

after careful observation, hours of thought and comparison ..

i can honestly, say ..

i'm depressed. -_-

okay maybe not depressed [ i tend to be extremely dramatic ] but i can honestly say i'm not happy. =\ to many things going wrong .. and i'm just tryna stay afloat ..

hallowee-kend

2009-11-02T03:24:00.001-05:00

my main bitch Ro Ro came to visit me .. along w| Andyy and Charles.
i can say we had fun .. =)

we went to the school party on saturday.

Life's a Bitch and i'll Die for her.

2009-10-30T18:40:00.001-04:00

realest lineee .. lol and i die for that line cause my favorite phrase is "you love it?, you'll die for it?"

but let me not digress.

Lil' Wayne recently got sentenced 8 months in prison, and while the media is on him like white on rice. He released a masterpiece. No Ceilings is his latest project. and i must say i'm ecstatic. i love that he went off .. its just so easy to him. i love love love this WHOLE mixtape.

NO BEAT iS SAFE !

you heard it from the man himself.

i love all the covers ..

did i mention ..

i LOVE it !! =)

Forever Doesn't exist.

2009-10-30T06:30:00.001-04:00

Boy 6:22 am wat it says?
A Pretty Hilton 6:22 am "Forever doesn't exist. but i don't want forever, i only want NOW."
Boy 6:22 am ooh wat made you get that?
A Pretty Hilton 6:23 am i always hear forever doesn't exist .. blah blah .. and i thought bout me and how i live .. and i realized i don't want this whole forever fairytale everybody dying to have
Boy 6:23 am =]
A Pretty Hilton 6:24 am i care about now .. fuck tomorrow .. ill deal w| it when it comes

so there it goes, for those who were wondering why did i get that particular phrase.

BULLSS !!!

2009-10-30T05:25:00.001-04:00

okay so ever since Derrick Rose got drafted to the Chicago Bulls last year .. i been a fan. i think he is soo talented and finee .. dont judge me. lol but tonight was their first game.

they played the spurs and won
Spurs - 85
Bulls - 92

Derrick Rose sco(red) 13 pts. 7 assists and 7 rebounds. hes soo fucking fast on that court i get moist. [ channing voice ] lmaoo

his jump though ? damnnn

teamworkk ..

this one a beast. fall back jefferson. lol

Hinrich is so little but so fast lol

get that out of heree ! lol

Duncan a joint thoughh lol

and he had a sore ankle ? sheeshh

George hill is a lil' jyointttt lmaoo

smh

2009-10-29T19:57:00.001-04:00

i wasn't able to update for two days .. cause my wireless was acting up .. don't know what happened .. don't care. just glad it's back ..

tonight the bulls plays the spurs in a matter of minutes .. and i'm definitely gonna blog bout this game .. and my boo Derrick Roseee =)

seriously.

2009-10-26T04:48:00.000-04:00

Oh shut up. Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you hurt, you heal. After darkness, there is always light and you get reminded of this every morning but still you choose to believe that the night will last forever. Nothing lasts forever. Not the good or the bad. So you might as well smile while you're here.
( via i wrote this for you. )

my first Vlog ?

2009-10-26T04:22:00.001-04:00

its a mini tour of my apartment on campus, its not like regular dorms. but its nice.
i live w| two other females whose room i didnt show.

sleep ? definition please.

2009-10-26T04:09:00.001-04:00

Sleep (slp)

a. A natural periodic state of rest for the mind and body, in which the eyes usually close and consciousness is completely or partially lost, so that there is a decrease in bodily movement and responsiveness to external stimuli. During sleep the brain in humans and other mammals undergoes a characteristic cycle of brain-wave activity that includes intervals of dreaming.

b. A period of this form of rest.

c. A state of inactivity resembling or suggesting sleep; unconsciousness, dormancy, hibernation, or death.

lately, i haven't been sleeping .. idk why. i always had the tendency of tossing and turning before i go to bed, but its gettin ridiculous. i love to sleep, so when i can't it irritates me. now i'm up .. and its 4 .. i have an eight o clock class that i refuse to miss, so i REALLY can't sleep now. if i do, its over. so i lay here on my laptop in the dark .. while my roomie gets her rest as her loud ass iPod plays. [ good thing i like the songs playing ] i'm laying here making up imaginary scenarios that most likely will never happen, all because i'm sleep deprived.. its just not fair ! i want to rest. shit.

But anyway, i finally seen Paid In Full

dont judge me for never seeing it, judge these stingy people who never wanted to let me hold the DVD, anywho i enjoyed it .. i knew Cam'ron aka rico was a snake since they was in prison .. lol i just aint like how Mekhi phifer died .. i oh dee love him .. he is soo sexy .. mmmmmm lol but yeah i just didn't like how sonny died, and how his uncle did it. i swear sometimes you can't even trust family. smh, goes to show you .. NOBODY knows NOBODY. [ Running Sca(red), another great movie ]

but i'm off to browse the world wide web.

until next time.

boys,boys,boys,oh boy.

2009-10-25T16:14:00.002-04:00

ever since i can remember, i always been one of the guys. guys that i've dealt w| on an intimate level always seemed to have a problem w| that. personally, i never ca(red), simply because i can not change what gender i feel most comfortable around, i always feel females are so judgmental, and its always something w| us, don't get me wrong, i have my selective few that i ride and die for, but i digress. basically, i put boys into four categories;

MY Boys - the guys i really truly consider family, the boys who i know have my best interest at heart and not in my draws, the boys i know would smack a female faster then she can inhale if i feel disrespected. the boys i know who would cheer me up if i'm down, give me advice when i need it, and always got me w| whatever. these is the only boys i'd do anything for, and it's not many.

The Boyssss ;-) - these guys are the fineeeest of the crop .. lmao the ones who i'm cool w| but hmm .. i wouldn't mind taking it to the next level; but i won't. because i feel we're better off as friends, but those are the type of friends you joke around w| and talk and maybe even flirt w| .. but in the end its just innocent.

ugh, these boys =\ - the ones who don't know how to take a hint, these persistence motherfuckers who think if they chase you long enough, you'll eventually give in, the guys who care about sex and how to get it fast, the annoying ones, the flashy ones, the ones who are constantly bragging about their packages, their money count, the "badd bitches" they had intercourse w| .. shit i just don't care about - these guys get no love - from me anyway. i tend to "CURVE" guys like this.

then there's THAT Boy - the one who planted a heart in my cold insides and magically got it to grow, the boy who made me become less selfish and more open to compromise, the guy who showed me it was okay to believe in love, and all that good stuff. the one who broke my heart but still seem to put it back w| a few simple words. the boy that made me able to say 'i Love you' w| ease. the one i know i can count on, the one who hears me out, the one who is so far away but the memories brings his scent under my nose, the one who made me feel like a little girl and a grown woman at the same time, the love of my life. he's the one who despite the fact we aren't together, will always have my heart.

rawr !

2009-10-24T14:26:00.001-04:00

looking like a warm baby leopard =) lmaoo

change is uh ..

2009-10-24T14:23:00.001-04:00

change is everything.
i changed the way my blog looks.
for starters, there's other things i want to change as well.
i'm going to start walking around with my camera .. the scene is soo pretty.
and as much as i talk shit about posting more, i'm really going to do this ..
i barely do shit w| my day anyways. might as well blog or vlog or whatever.

later =)

awww

2009-10-24T03:15:00.003-04:00

"I wish I could sit down with them and ask how they met, how they fell in love, how they got married, and how they stay in love. Whatever the story, I'm sure it's got both passion and friendship in it. Because once the lust settles, and the arthritis sets in and all u can do is sit in ur rocking chair - yall better have something to talk about." - Sam.Tony.Alex.Renee.

so what ?

2009-10-24T02:31:00.000-04:00

so what if i do things my way ?
so what if i don't need your approval ?
so what if i don't always listen to what i should do ?
so fucking what ?
was i not born alone ?
aren't i going under the dirt when i pass alone ?

i'm sick of people being so fake concerned .. i live my life how i want it. fuck what you, your mother and your father's favorite aunt twice removed has to say. let me make my mistakes, let me learn my lesson. sheesh, i wanna learn and experience my shit first hand. like

Can i Live ?

hmm

2009-10-21T18:36:00.000-04:00

i gotten into a lil habit .. and im making the changes i want too.
just need a lil more of a push ..

i lost another follower; [ kanye shrug ] fuck it.

i need to work on posting more ..

not feeling too good .. its mother nature fucking w| me. -_-
fucking bitch.

so im just gonna go make dinner and be a pill popping animal ..

sore all over ..

2009-10-17T15:35:00.001-04:00

i finally hit the gym two days in a row ..

i'm proud i went a second day .. lol

my body is soo soree

but i know that its an essential part of the plan.
the more i go .. the less pain i'll feel.

no pain; no gain. =)

i'm back home for the weekend

2009-10-14T03:26:00.001-04:00

watch out now.

2009-10-07T04:19:00.001-04:00

ugh .. i'm torn. but i take pics to lighten up my mood.

i was very bo(red) ..

my shirt sayss

"if i agreed with you, we'd both be wrong"

.. incase you were wondering.

about a year ago ..

2009-10-05T02:26:00.002-04:00

today wouldve marked a year .. sadly it didn't get that far ..

although my heart is still taken; my mind is open.

i don't let my emotions get in the way of my priorities.

if it's meant to be; reunited we will be one day.

until then, i'm living my life and what's left of it [ his voice]

i have the memories and the lessons learned.

i can truly say .. i am a better person today because of him, i learned more about myself and discove(red) great things.

goodnight. =)

Late Night talks

2009-09-30T04:36:00.001-04:00

i really love college.

you learn so much about yourself, and the people you live w| .. i really enjoy the late night conversations we have .. we talk for hours about everything .. and it's really an eye opener to discover things about others and yourself. this is why i want to be a psychologist, the human mind really interests me. but its 4:35 and i have an 8 o'clock class .. smh this is college. goodnight/goodmorning

=)

2009-09-29T01:08:00.000-04:00

i basically live on a mountain and when it rains, well .. peep the outcome.

buhbkjb

2009-09-27T16:25:00.000-04:00

lately, i been feeling like i'm drowning. i know how to swim .. but somehow i'm not trying hard enough. of course i mean this in a metaphoric sense, i refuse to fail .. and i feel the need to have everything in control. and i know that's damn near impossible but i still try. i need to make a lil turn for the better, i'm supposed to be full of luck, but lately, i don't know where that luck is hiding. but i am determined to not stay down.

uhh ..

2009-09-27T15:57:00.003-04:00

FUCK SPRiNT !

that's all for now. -_-

$$$$

2009-09-26T16:53:00.002-04:00

i always been about going green. as in money, and yeah i guess i can recycle and shit. but i do love money and the things i can obtain w| it.

"They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the fucking smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby."

"Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any."

- Jim Young [ boiler room ]

now that's superficial i know, but i can't help what makes my heart warm, i wish money didn't have as big of an effect on me as it does, but w| money comes power, and i do love the feeling of power. when people ask me what i want to be, i answer successful .. w| success comes happiness .. maybe not to everyone but when you get what YOU want; how does happiness not follow through ? i know for ME, when i get something i want i become the happiest person in you 100 mile radius .. and fuck what anyone says, i do what i want. and if liking nice things that just happen to cost alot sometimes make me superficial, then so be it. i recently discove(red) a way to get money w|o doing much .. yes, it's legal. lol but i never gave that option much thhought, til i was put on to game.. now it's on. being an on campus college student aint no joke .. lol seriously.

later, =)

Factory Girl

2009-09-25T10:28:00.001-04:00

Andy Warhol: I wonder if people are going to remember us?
Edie Sedgwick: What, when we're dead?
Andy Warhol: Yeah.
Edie Sedgwick: Well I think people will talk about how you changed the world.
Andy Warhol: I wonder what they'll say about you... in your obituary. I like that word.
Edie Sedgwick: Nothing nice, I don't think.
Andy Warhol: No no, come on. They'd say, "Edith Minturn Sedgwick: beautiful artist and actress...
Edie Sedgwick: ...and all around loon.
Andy Warhol: ...Remembered for setting the world on fire...
Edie Sedgwick: ...and escaping the clutches of her terrifying family...
Andy Warhol: ...Made friends with eeeeverybody, and anybody...
Edie Sedgwick: ...creating chaos and uproar wherever she went. Divorced as many times as she married, she leaves only good wishes behind.
[laughs]
Edie Sedgwick: That's nice, isn't it?

i really love this movie. =)

FML

2009-09-25T09:29:00.001-04:00

some one unfollowed me ..

well FUCK YOU ! lol

i haven't been having the best week, i keep waking up late, being irritable and bitchy .. i feel like i don't get enough sleep. i have yet to regulate my iron pills and make them apart of my daily schedule .. it's hardddd !
three times a day ? .. i can't even remember to take it once a day. and to put the icing on the FUCKiNG cake; my friend decided to show up .. uninvited and full of hate towards me.. i swear god is testing me. but i have a master plan .. starting monday .. i'm turning it up a few notches .. i'm definitely going into over grind .. cause i refuse to flunk out of college, this experience thus far has been very eye opening .. and i plan to soak up everything in and out the classroom. my funds are low, so tech. i'm a college broke bitch .. lol smh i used all the money from my off campus and i started out w| $200 on my card .. then i had $200 on campus and i got $100and some change .. but the cafe' don't deliver, they're not open on weekends .. the off campus selection was great .. but i can't have no fun on it anymore .. so i'm really feeling the heat. moneygram has been my bestie lol cause lords know i need that. but enough w| this .. my stomach is yelling .. gotta hunt for food like a caveman. -__-

sigh.

2009-09-24T15:14:00.001-04:00

so the weekend is tomorrow, and i'll be staying at herk,
-_-
i wish i was going home, i miss it .. there's people i want to see and hang w| ..
i wouldn't say i'm extremely homesick but i feel like i'm slightly homesick.
plus this whore came and fucked up my weekend ..
so for the next 3-5 days i'm gonna be irritable and bitchy. gee how fun .. lol smh

but my stomach hurts .. i'm a take a nap.

gimmie all the pretty furs.

2009-09-23T15:48:00.001-04:00

so i follow Nicki Minaj on twitter,
yes i am sucked into the cult, although i was sucked in way before many .. butt who cares ? lol

anywho, i seen a recent photoshoot w| honey mag
she's soo prettyyy lol

gosh

2009-09-23T15:27:00.001-04:00

it's so fucking hot. -_-

kinda like a big deal

2009-09-21T01:32:00.003-04:00

as you can see i was bo(red).

saturday

2009-09-19T13:27:00.001-04:00

i'm learning so much in school and out.

i really need to sit here and write .. but not today .. lol

say what ?

2009-09-15T10:27:00.001-04:00

so i'm here enjoying my ham&cheese hotpocket ..

mmm .. delicious.

i finished my first class.. next class is Fitness @ 11.

i wish i had a car, so i can drive home when i want to.

it's so weird not having to tell my mom where i'm at. or calling to see if she cooked, or telling my now EX-boyfriend to come over and spend some QT, or waiting for Sammy to come get me so we can go to "the hood" .. there's so many things i miss about home, but i am really enjoying my time here, it's real interesting to see how us young adults can suffice w|o adults for the most part. on campus, we RARELY see adults, no we NEVER see adults unless it's campus security. i feel boxed in sometimes, like if i'm stuck here isolated from the "real world" .. but in reality, it gets no realer then this, i have to go to wal-mart and do my own groceries, wash my own clothes, cook my own meals. i don't pay rent to live here, [ Financial Aid does lol ]. now i have a better understanding of how life is, and i appreciate my mother so much more now, cause doing everything on your own gets annoying .. sheesh. lol even though i only been here for three weeks, it feels like forever .. and the view is something serious [ i'm up on mountains ] the clouds seem at an arm's reach, the fog so thick you can't see next door. my roommates and adopted roomie [ lol ] get along well for the most part .. hopefully it stays that way .. but let me go start getting ready for this tough workout i'm about to endure [ my motivation is this outfit i wanna wear when my tummy gets flat lol ]

peace&lust. =)

it was good about a month ago.

2009-09-13T23:21:00.001-04:00

so bascially, i have been slipping after i promised i wouldn't .. so sorry to the few that actually read my blogs and find what i have to say interesting.

i have a hard time w| things like these .. i always wanted to keep a diary, but due to my forgetfulness and dique never having time, it always slips my mind. i would just love having my thoughts and ideas and emotions all organized in chronological order so i can look back and have memories rush back. but i guess this blog will do.

anywho .. so i'm in like my third week of college, i love it here. i miss my friends and family back home .. but i can't say i'm depressed. i am however upset i missed TRUE BLOOD. [ browsing the web for ways i can watch it online ] i have met alot of interesting people .. interesting indeed.

i like how i'm living .. i'm still not used to my schedule .. and it feels weird cause i'm literally on my own. no mommy to count on .. i like this feeling. i do have pictures to share, but just not yet. i want to get them all nice and what not ..

oh yeah, i DiE for the READY album .. woo .. Trey songzzz

but lol lemme go ..

peace&lust. ;-)

my apt.

2009-09-03T12:41:00.001-04:00

i haven't been updating lately .. i been busy ..

here's my apartment though ..

about my day

2009-08-28T00:48:00.000-04:00

so today i woke up around 10ish .. earlier then usual, showe(red) and went to the hair salon ..

i cut my hair shoulder length w| layers and dyed it [ semi-permanent anyway ]

i wanted a chocolae brown, since i dyed it Jet Black in dec. most of it didn't catch on.

its cool though, i'm content w| the results.

i went home and changed [ as you can see the difference in shirts ]

and then went to meet my friends Channing and Sha'ava'.

we got some McDicks [ that's what i call McDonald's ]

and i had the Bacon&Cheese angus [ mmmm delish ]

anywho .. after that Sha'ava had to go tend to something and me and channing hung out at my house and just chilled .. and took pics.

we took this on my laptop.

i think my bangs look funny but i like how my laptop looks

courtesy of her camera .. =)

well those were the highlights of my day.

got another long one tomorrow.

night.

webcam.

2009-08-27T03:12:00.000-04:00

so i was bo(red) ..

and decided to take pictures

w| my webcam .. here they are ..

after i edited them of course.

school spirit

2009-08-26T15:23:00.000-04:00

trying get into the spirit ..

quee fueee ??

2009-08-25T22:44:00.000-04:00

cutest thing ever !

boom boom pow.

2009-08-25T19:49:00.000-04:00

i finally got the REAL hang of this blog thing ..

the appearance aspect, anyhow, i really got it looking how i want ..

and now i been keeping up w| the posts ..

and i don't plan on slacking .. =)

here's something for your enjoyment ^_^

quote.

2009-08-24T21:15:00.000-04:00

"when I am ridiculously rich,

even my trash will be taken out in a designer bag.

And now that I have graduated with some sort of degree,

I am one step closer to being filthy rich."

this time next week.

2009-08-24T16:36:00.002-04:00

i'll be at Herkimer college,

i should be more excited ..

but in all reality, i'm sca(red) and nervous, only because this is a really big step and a complete change of scenery.i'm a citygirl at heart, always have been, always will. so for me to just go out and head to the suburbs is a little irrational for me. but it's a decision i thought long and hard about. put alot of time, and hopefully, me being on campus benefits me in the best way possible.

i've always shyed away from trying things that i were never too sure about. i hate not knowing how things are going to turn out for me, but truthfully, that's what life is about; learning and experiencing new things and change. i do know change is inevitable, but i try to atleast have some type of control on how i change, and when i'm not in control of whatever situation i come across, i panic. i hyperventalite, and feel helpless. i find this to be weird. but nonetheless, i felt by going away, i could figure out alot about myself, and come out a better person throughout it all. but isn't that how we're supposed to come out being through ANY experience ? .. a better person overall. i try to embrace more opportunities that are thrown my way and hopefully face my fear of things i can't change.

Life is "trying things to see if they work." - Ray Bradbury.

i just felt the need to get that off my chest. whew, feel a whole lot better.

'til next time.

TrueBlood.

2009-08-23T22:41:00.005-04:00

i die for this show,
it sucks me in,
i just hatedd how it ended this week.
wtf !
somebody has got to kill maryann ..
here are some questions i have;

1. why the fuck does Maryann want Sam so bad ?
2. wtf is Sookie really ? ( that glowing hand freaked me out )

3. is sookie and Eric gonna get crazy ? her dreams is wilding out.
4. who was this "queen" and she died right ?
5. why doesn't that drunk detective dude ever get sucked in by Maryann ?
6. why Jason always playing warrior ?
7. what was the purpose of that girl knocking on Lafayette door ?
8. where the fuck is egg ?
9. where maryann got Carl from ?
10.when is Tara taking them damn braids out her headddd ??? -_-

rainy days

2009-08-21T16:37:00.002-04:00

i love the rain.

only when im indoors,

i hate being caught in the rain.

it's a huge thunderstorm

that is on and off like

god is playing w the rainswitch.

funny right ? lol

but now its like 10 days

until i go away to school.

hella nervous

hella excited.

although im really excited,

i can wait.

i feel the days are flying by way too fast.

my closest friends and loving boyfriend

will remain in the city ..

that's gonna be hard for me.

but i'll make the best of it.

so im laid back, watching tv and enjoying the breeze ..

til next time. =)

basically.

2009-08-21T00:58:00.003-04:00

i finished watching Sex and the City

the movie.

i die for it,

i can watch it a million times.

i loved loved loved loved loveddd

the series.

i want a lifestyle like that.

minus me gettin left at the alter by the love of my life.

but the successful career and wonderful friends ..

they make aging seem like

something to look forward to

instead of something

to dread .. which i once thought.

but yeah im off to bed now. lol

and i want a lifestyle like that.

14 days

2009-08-18T01:07:00.002-04:00

less then two weeks ..

and then i'm off on my own.

goodbye highschool girl

hello college woman,

i never been more nervous,

well i suppose i have but this is in the top 5.

i'm what you would call an "over-thinker"

i think wayyyyy to into things.

i can't help it.

i try and avoid as many mistakes as possible.

and that might be my downfall,

sometimes overthinking tends

to not allow me to try certain things.

but in two weeks,

i'll face the music.

it's been awhile..

2009-08-17T01:32:00.002-04:00

sorry, for whoever reads my blog ..
i finally purchased all the items

i need for my apartment on campus ..

iwill be updating more often ..

=)

<3

2009-08-09T06:49:00.002-04:00

"He gave me that night back and this time,
i told you the truth.
we talked and held each other till the sun came up.
And as i went to hell,
the devil asked me if it was worth it.
i said yes.
yes it was."

she did it again ..

2009-08-09T06:28:00.004-04:00

via Girlsarethenewboys
now i had reposted one of her other post.
[ check "fell in love w this" ]
but she really hit the nail on the fucking head w this one.
i suggest ... highly suggest you follow her blog.
this shit brought tears to my eyes.

i always said love doesn't conquer all.

if love was enough.

Whoever said "love is all u need," must not have been in a relationship.

'Cuz if love were enough. I'd still be with him. And he'd still be with her. And she'd be with him ... and u'd probably still be with her. They'd be married by now, they would've never broke up. And they wouldn't be filing for divorce.

If love were enough, there'd be no chocolate covered strawberries, over-sized balloons and heart shaped Valentine's or red and white teddy-bears. There'd be no "I'm sorry," bouquets or late night dedications on the radio. And Boys II Men would've never had to get down On Bended Knee.

If love were enough, there wouldn't be lonely Friday nights with nothing to do and no one to kiss and no necks to smell and no arms to hug and no nooks to fill. No empty rooms or cold sides of the bed. No tear soaked pillows and more houses would be homes. The months would feel like weeks. The weeks would fly by. The days wouldn't drag. The hours wouldn't stand still. The minutes would pass. And the seconds wouldn't kill - If love were ever enough.

If love were enough, I would've been the key to lock all ur insecurities. Sex wouldn't matter and kisses would suffice. Text messages, emails, instant messages, voicemails, picture captions, or status comments wouldn't mean a thing. A hello would mean hello and not "Let's go out on a date," and a goodbye would mean goodbye, and not "See u later tonight."

If love were enough you wouldn't care right now. Where he goes or who she talks to. What he's doing or who just made her laugh. Why he gets lined up every week now and why she suddenly started going to the gym. U wouldn't look outside ur window hoping her car will be there and u wouldn't open ur front door seeing his imaginary face.

If love were enough, it wouldn't hurt so bad. Matter fact, it wouldn't hurt at all. You wouldn't ever need to understand or compromise or swallow ur pride or take something back or feel bitter, disrespected, or betrayed. Life wouldn't seem so unfair and shit would JUST FUCKING WORK OUT for once. Things would be so simple. You wouldn't have to worry about taking sides, or mutual friends, child custody battles, joint accounts, or the puppy u left behind. Her clothes wouldn't be strewn all over ur room, and his scent wouldn't linger in the air - If love were enough.

The past wouldn't exist and the future would be irrelevant if love were enough.
You wouldn't envy that couple, u'd BE that couple if love were enough.
"I'm done," and "I can't do this anymore," and "We can work this out," and "Please don't leave me" and "What am I going to do now?" wouldn't exist if love were enough.
We'd still be best friends if love were enough.
I wouldn't be writing this if love were enough.
You wouldn't be reading this if love were enough.
But. Love is never enough.

R.i.P. Ralph ..

2009-08-09T06:00:00.004-04:00

i realize i haven't been updating ..
but i been busy, i leave in three weeks
and alot has to be done .. lol

today marks the fourth year since my uncle has passed.
it still feels like yesterday ..
he was truly a remarkable person,
he was one of the smartest person
i have yet to come across ..
fuck a father, he was the next best thing.
now as When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne plays
i think what more would i have accomplished if he were here ?
or how many mistakes i could've avoided
if God hadn't chosen to take him away.
i still ask why him ..
and he always cross my mind
when i watch any Crime show or tell someone
a joke is way over their head.
i get watery eyed when his wife or daughters come to visit,
but i know that he is in a better place,
and he is free of all the pain he had to endure
while on earth.
i know one day we will meet,
he'll have a space for me on a couch in heaven
with the best of Law&Order on ..
until that day ..
i hope to live life with minimum regrets
and hopefully impact someone
the way he impact me ..

never forgotten. ily.

she did say ...

2009-07-28T19:25:00.002-04:00

"i only stop for pedestrians, or a real bad bad lesbian."

but i bet if there is any type of funny business going on
is just another publicity stunt.

Amazing.

2009-07-27T13:50:00.003-04:00

not feeling the haircut,
but the outfit,
the accessories
gorgeous.

i been MiA

2009-07-23T21:48:00.002-04:00

it's been crazyy and i'm gettin my college things together ..
but i will be back w| a vengeance .. lol

-_-

2009-07-20T17:00:00.001-04:00

I'll pretend that you mean the weather when you ask me how things are. I'll say cold and dry.( via i wrote this for you )

breathing.

2009-07-19T00:53:00.003-04:00

this poem i wrote back when school was in session for my 2nd period Poetry class.

inhaling,
exhaling,
and hoping ..
he can continue
grass green, sky blue;
all this, he knew.
takin' things for granted,
his life gone ?
he couldn't fathom.
and all the material things ?
he had 'em.
and all the girls ?
yep, he bagged 'em.
we thought he had it all,
'til we all seen him fall.
he was always on a roll,
never heard stop;
Freeway, tryna take it to the top.
his fall was something vicious,
no one ever envisioned ..
the "fly cocky dude"
finally lost his cool.
and while everyone was leavin' ..
his only thought was ...
how could he stop breathing.

Self-Advertisement.

2009-07-18T01:37:00.006-04:00

this is my first post w|o the center thingy.. lol but whatever.

i suppose people "self-advertise to promote self-esteem, or whatever, i mean i guess it's okay .. but some people tend to over do it, like they promote everything. and i mean everything, from what they own, to who they know, to how many partners they've had [ guys ] and what their boyfriends tell them [ females ]. i don't know if anyone has said anything, but it's a majorrr turn-off. it's annoying, i don't care how much money you make or all your designer labels you own, i don't care if you had sex with 29484 girls and soo many three-somes,i really don't care if you know so and so.i just don't care. bragging is not cool. it's saying you're soo unhappy with your life you feel the need to mask it up with material things, that's okay for you, just don't bother me with your problems. i'm not a therapist, yet anyway and when i do become one, you probably couldn't afford me. lol

now when females brag about shit their boyfriends do, it's like okay that's nice, i really don't care. unless i ask or we're on the subject of boyfriends and relationships. so like something like is unacceptable;

girl 1; yeah, those shoes are soo beautiful and i seen a bag to go with it.
girl 2; omg just yesterday so and so said hello babyy .. ekkkk ! omg i could've just died right where i was standing !!!

no, i have seen this too many times. even when it's not happening to me, it's like ugh. some girls, not all are not aware that there are some things your significant others are just supposed to do, simple things like hanging out, going to places, sweet and sappy convos .. a lil gift from time to time. it's understandable that some girls get all excited, but no need to go into cardiac arrest because of it. alot of people don't care.

oohhhhh when girls promote how "good" their sex is, or the "freaky" shit they like to do, it's aggravating and then when guys expect them to act on it, or treat them a certain way because of what their promoting, they have the audacity to get upset ! are you serious ? .. maybe if you tried not talkin bout how deep down your throat you can shove dicks and how you only stop for a bad bad lesbian maybe, just maybee guys wouldn't treat you like some freak joint.

just a thought.

aint that the truth.

2009-07-16T20:53:00.001-04:00

"If someone betrays you once, it’s their fault;
if they betray you twice, it’s your fault."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

light

2009-07-15T04:35:00.002-04:00

"The brighter you are, the more you have to learn."

Don Herold

item of the night.

2009-07-15T03:21:00.003-04:00

ugh i just had to post this.

i love this sweater and i must own it.
they have it in grey and navy.
abercrombie&Fitch - $60 ..

Pre -COLLEGE LiFE ..

2009-07-15T03:09:00.003-04:00

i suppose i do my best blogging .. late nights and what not.
lately i haven't been able to sleep ..
idk why .. [ shrugs shoulders ]

but anywho,
i'm extremely excited to start
my college life.
i will be attending a community college
w| a campus,
mainly because
i thought i was hot shit in highschool
so my GPA isn't how i want it to look.
plus i plan on attending hunter after i graduate herkimer.

the campus is beautiful and the school is huge,
the dorms are like apartment and houses.
ahhh !
i can not wait til i move in
[ aug. 31st hopefully a lil earlier ]
and meet my roomates
and decorate and all that good stuff.

i will definitely post pictures and what not;
i'm just happy that i made it this far.
i truly made my mother proud,
i couldn't let her down.

this is the beginning of my 7 year plan.
lol odd right ?
well whatever ..
alot of things i do may be conside(red) odd ..

but i'm a go watch family guy ..

post something else later ...

peace.love.milkshakes.
=)

fell in love w| this ..

2009-07-14T01:42:00.004-04:00

i came across this blog
which i find pretty entertaining and cool.
i saw this post and immediately related to majority of it,
won't say which part.
this shit is REAL.
(via girlsarethenewboys )

I used to be that girl.

That got daps from her girls when #1 and #2 would page me at the same time, just as #3 was picking me up from school. Back then? I was that girl who had boyfriends to match every outfit and honey, nothing ever went outta style in my closet. I broke up with dudes over voicemails and threw away love letters. Dodged guys in the hallway so I wouldn't have to have "that" talk 'cuz God forbid I went to boat dance with someone from my own school. "No, I don't like u. No, I won't give u a chance. And no, I won't think about it." That girl never played on anyone, but she played with minds ... and most likely hearts ... and definitely feelings.

Then, I became that girl.

That fell in love. And for the first time ever, I entertained the idea of marriage. I wrote my first name and his last, with a promise ring to match. I kept stuffed animals, and ticket stubs, and invitations, and Valentine's Day cards. "I" became "we" and "we"became "us" all without ever losing ME. That girl wrote songs to a melody only they could hear. So I learned to beathe deeper, hug tighter, kiss longer, and dream sweeter. That girl smiled with her eyes, shined on cloudy days, and floated with no wings.

And then, I became that girl.

That needed space. That needed to live. That needed to be free. That needed some time apart. That neeed reassurance. That just wanted to make sure. That needed an excuse. That needed to be "independent." That wanted to meet new faces and touch new bodies and give out her number when it was asked. That wanted to be selfish. That was selfish. That chose to replace love with the thrill of the chase. That took her relationship for granted and swore she meant it when she said, "It's ok. You can date other people too." Until he did.

So I thought I could be that girl.

That just didn't give a fuck. That could fuck the pain away. And have one night stands. And booty calls. And be a gold-digger. And play the role. And hustle MEN. And pretend she didn't care. And asked for favors with a lick of her lips and bat of her eyes. That thought she was a hard rock when she really was a gem. Bumpin Jay-Z all day everyday. "I parts with nothing, yall be front. Me give my heart to a nigga? Not for nothin. Never happen, I BE FOREVER MACKIN. Heart cold as assassins, I gots no passion, I gots no patience and I hate waiting so nigga get ur ass in here and let's ri-i-i-i-i-ide." That girl filled voids and threw away the big picture for momentary happiness and attention. I was the great pretender.

But then inevitably, that girl showed up.

And that girl knew that other girl didn't exist. Who thought she was nothing. Who didn't matter. Who wasn't loved nor felt she deserved to be. Who thought shit was so unfair and never caught a break. Who was worthless and stupid and ugly and every synonym of it. Who knew she would never find happiness again. She didn't want happiness ever again. I cried and cried and cried. In the shower until my fingers became pruny. And in bed, until I fell asleep - hoping and wishing God wouldn't let me wake up. That girl gave up on life, gave up on love, and gave up on herself.

Until, I became this girl.

Who is finally allowing herself to live, love, and be happy once again. Who although is bruised, will never be broken. Who is STILL learning, but learning from her mistakes and learning how to move on. Who is thankful and grateful and blessed. For everything. Who knows she is talented, and intelligent, and beautiful, and will never allow another person to make her forget. Who refuses to settle for anything less than she deserves. Who is humble and knows not to take anything for granted. Who is selfish. Fuck yah, I said it. 'Cuz ain't nothing wrong with wanting more for urself. Who loves life, those in her life, and most importantly loves herself.

And I never, ever, want to be that or that or that girl ever again.

awwww ..

2009-07-13T16:56:00.004-04:00

here are a few of my favorite celebrity couples.

Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush.

Eva Pigford and Lance Gross

David and Victoria Beckham

Amber Rose and Mr. Kanye West

Of Course,

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

Scarlett Johansson <3

2009-07-13T16:04:00.006-04:00

i always viewed Scarlett johansson as a

beautiful, smart and talented person.

check out her latest photoshoot.

i think she looks beautiful.

Sunday's At Crissy's

2009-07-13T03:08:00.005-04:00

now usually i enjoy my sunday's on a relaxed note.
but today my boyfriend and i
went to see Bruno..

lmao this shit is hilarious.

there were really weird moments;

but it was funny.

i really recommend

people to go watch this movie

unless they're homophobic.

so the movies were good

had my nachos =)

and then i got home

and my aunt sent me a laptop

i guess you can say today was a really good day.

next post will be way more interesting lol

uber bo(red) ..

2009-07-11T00:07:00.006-04:00

i have never been more bo(red)

in my entire 18 years of living.
lol
i may be exaggerating
but you get my point ..
so i took some pics.
and edited them.

just goes to show how bo(red) i am.

blah blah ..

2009-07-10T21:53:00.001-04:00

so my summer
is going by slowly.

mainly because
i'm unemployed ..

but i been working on it.

=)

so i should be updating within a week
of my new employment.

godwilling.

well i just felt the need to share this ...

bye now.